Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I need guidance before I crumble. My ex father in law passed away two days ago. He was 98, his wife heard the news and went to bed and has not got up. She is not expected to make it much longer, bad heart. She is 99. These people were more parental to me than my own. They live in Las Vegas, I live in Michigan. I was married for 29 years. I spoke with my ex mother in law last night (first time since the divorce) and she wants to see me, she said she loves me. My new Significant other's birthday is the same day as the funeral service. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years.
Now my problem, I am near a breakdown trying to decide if I should go to the service or stay for the birthday. This would seem simple, but it has made a wreck of me. I am so stressed and now feeling ugly, useless, worthless. Same old feelings every time I am stressed. Let me say, my boyfriend will probably say go e enough though my ex will be there. It is me who would beat myself up forgoing or not going.
I am seriously falling apart everything is just overwhelming
Funerals trump birthdays. Always have, always will. Same as weddings always trump birthdays. You only get one and it comes when it comes. Birthdays happen every year.
Maybe I don't understand the question... it's just not an option that you miss a funeral for the sake of a birthday to me.
I take it your ex can handle you attending? You can sit on opposite sides of the church, something like that?
Tell them you haven't the money to fly, or tell them you couldn't get a seat, or tell them you broke your leg. Send a wreath, send a card. Skype ex MIL.
But tbh I think it will ease your heart to fly over there, endure the funeral (we all hate them), avoid the wake and then just visit ex MIL the next day. I think the visit with MIL will probably give you a lot, and mean a lot to you. We have to say our goodbyes. How we say our goodbyes can really set us up or mess us up for the next five years. And death time is a time for truth. People tell you stuff they don't tell you any other time, and they only tell you face to face.
This is partly what it's all for.
xx all the best whichever way you go.
Bridgie is exactly right. I agree completely with her(his?) first post .
Inner conflict about which to do is, of course, causing depression or whatever. My notion is that you are not confident enough of you significant other's
loyalty to you. Well, you are not going to lose him because of missing his birthday !
I do not necessarily agree that all funeral's are grim, as someone said they are. My parents went to their reward at age 93. Each of them. At the ceremony I was able to see some old acquaintances...; I enjoyed things which were said, for each, concerning my parents.
If I had not made those two difficult trips to see them laid to rest, I'd now not be having the closure I have.
((((( W. )))))