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Coping with friends whose personality has changed

searchingforthelight
searchingforthelight

Does anyone have good tips for dealing with high school friends who have changed a lot in just the course of one year? Last year when I was in grade 9 I was (and still am, it's just really awkward in the present moment right after having a beef with her) really tight with this person like we would always do everything together. It was just this time period of the 3 of us stuck with eachother but ever since two new people came to our school it kind of changed because they were elementary friends so already really close. She came from more innocent and sweet to more grown up physically and socially. I am gradually getting forgiveness from her after a beef we had last month but after realizing how much she has changed in one year it just feels uncomfortable still, like I'm scared of her and missing the old sweet personality she had. She wears so much more makeup, doesn't laugh along that much with certain people anymore, and more introverted, whereas I myself am an extrovert so many that's why it's hard. I'm probably overthinking and it's unnatural but I myself get discomforted and sad when I assume someone has changed so much when they are probably still the same, just in my head

arrowsmith
arrowsmith
People change unfortunately, I'm in my last year of high school (we call it year 13) and I don't hang with any of the people that I used to when I started high school. I think the best thing for you to do is to talk to you mate tell her how much your guys friendship means to you and tell her how you feel and whats going through your head. Hopefully she understands.
APieceOfMyHeart
APieceOfMyHeart
I agree with Arrowsmith- Developmentally, teenaged years are a time mostly dedicated to "trying on" interests, personalities, social circles which is part of why they are so challenging socially. Your friend may decide this new group is "for her" or she may not. What did you guys used to do together? What if you casually told her "Hey, I've been really missing you lately, we haven't been hanging out that much. You want to (something you used to do together) at (time you're available)" I think a good friend would be receptive to that. Delving into how much she's changed/ hurt feelings may not go as planned unless done carefully. If she's not receptive, well, it's your call on whether to support her in her changes or not but unfortunately it likely means moving on with the rest of your own social group. Hopefully that's not the case. I really wish you the best.
Jwords
Jwords
It is hard to have a good friend and then go through that sort of change in the relationship. Sounds like you are attempting to have something good you used to have with her and repair the apparent break in the relationship. I believe when we are young, and coming into adulthood, we do develop different coping skills due to learning about ourselves and others. I don't think we change at our core but we are developing our bent and as a youth still under our parents, have several dynamics going on that you most likely are not aware of or she has not revealed to you. Being vulnerable is to push past fear to let someone get to know us. As a young person, physically not fully developed until about 22, we go through many emotional, physical and spiritual realizations about who we are or are not. All we can do, I think is be a good friend and learn about ourselves, learn better relationship skills ALWAYS and give others the freedom to develop and be vulnerable to be themselves. That is my experience, hope this helps !!!