I am feeling so nervous and anxious today.. i keep saying death would be ok.. but i want to see my first grandchild.. i love my wife and kids. i've made my mistakes and i feel i am paying for them phisically with trips to the hospital so often. I am waiting to here about the results from a kidney test for a growth on rt kidney over 1" in diam. is it cancer?? then money is so tight.. budget is wacked.. i can't move there is so much pressure on me.. i just can't get going today. my head feels like it could blow apart.. i want to call my counsoler but i hate to.. i don't feel that that is the answer.. i need drastic life changes..
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