Hang in there Platy. You can hang on and you will for that precious boy. I am sorry your anxiety is bad right now. I understand the feeling I am having a bad day of it myself. I think maybe your vacation will do you good. I know its hard to think of doing something like that when your in the midst of anxiety but it may help. I am moving next week to a new home with my boyfriend and I should be excited but in a way I am dreading it because I am feeling so bad right now. Take care of yourself and I am a friend if you need one.

Thanks so much for your response. It helps a little to know someone cares enough to respond. I have been there on the moving thing. I panicked for 2 weeks before moving in with my now husband. For me triggers are really major life changes. For me I have always just plowed through it but some reason right now it's just too much.

You should go on your vacation and enjoy your time with your son and laugh and have fun. Problems look different in other places so you'll see your problems in a new light and maybe some new solutions will pop into your mind. In the mean time there's free medical clinics in you live in the states and you need to sign up for unemployment if you haven't all ready. Sometimes people take the job they were doing working for someone else and start a company doing the same thing working for yourself.

Don't ya hate it when you type a response and it poofs, goes away. LOL, at one time, I'd get all wound up over it..now I laugh at me.
Platypus, go on your vacation, enjoy one second at a time, whether it's a nice day or a smile as your son enjoys something new. I've read adventure guides weekly suggestions/ideas/ and they've all helped. We all chimed in with stories and suggestions. One is new things/scary things can be an adventure. I dislike driving, my sister loves it. I'm trying to look at things her way, going somewhere new is an adventure.

Last night forced myself and hubby to go to a veterans recognition day. I can get wound up over anywhere new, but adventure here I come. We actually enjoyed, it was at a small park and there were signs along the way explaining how things came to be in that area.

Go, enjoy and keep us posted, please.

It must be my south island heritage but whenever I hear someone say 'i can't hold on' my immediate response is 'well then, don't.' What are you hanging onto anyway?

Are you desperately trying to hold a pendulum up to one side? are you desperately trying to stabilise your life in an unbalanced position? Why is it so hard to hang on? Could it be that you are hanging on to something that needs to be let go of? Could it be that you are your own worst enemy?

In the immortal words of elsa, let it go.

Go on your holiday. Take your darling, and let it all go. Let it go. There are more jobs out there. This isn't the end of the world.

Be incredibly glad you are married, because otherwise you'd be in a terrible place.

And just remember: things like lupus are not always lupus. Sometime they're a side effect of extreme stress. Your body will eat itself under stress. Well not eat, but the chemicals go haywire. Your body will attack itself. All of those autoimmune disorders are impacted by stress.

So before you worry about no insurance and doctors and lupus and suchlike, go on your holiday. Eat healthy food, relax, have a wonderful time. When you go know that there is NOTHING you can do about your life whatsoever until you get back, that means you don't have to do anything. So let it go.

Let it all go. Stop trying to hold on to something that's not working. All it's doing is burning up energy.

Your holiday will do wonders for you. We don't know how screwed up we are till we unwind. And you'll come back with fresh ideas about how to handle your life. Let this be a positive event. Let this be what it has the potential to be: the best turning point in your life.

:)