Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
So this anxious feeling is this sensation of my heart just dropping. Almost like a big weight is on me and i just feel shitty. It comes on pretty frequently in a week. Thankfully its not everyday as it was before atm. I can be absolutely fine, and then someone says soemthing to me that upsets me or i disagree with or something happens and i just feel crap. When its super bad this makes me contemplate hurting myself. Right now im not at that point. So when this feeling occurs, I then dont want to do any of my plans that i have and thats if i have any because i feel lonely alot, and i usuallyi do have plans when anxiety appears. And now this is the first proper time ive felt like this whilst ive been on this forum so although its not super serious, and just is so so silly and such a simple thing that has upset me i'd like to share it and to see peoples opinions and see what people think i can do or change?
Anyway feeling at about a 6/10, if i can give it a number haha. i felt pretty good, friday feeling, i have a dinner im going to tonight etc. Then i come home and msging my boyfriend. He is like "what shall i eat? bc i need to eat lots to drink lots tonight" and im like "pasta? and control" and he is like "no its a pub crawl, no control" and im like "fine im not gonna comment on that to avoid an argument". Now basically we are both christians and i dont think either of us should get drunk. Drinking fine. Not drunk. We should be in control to glorify God. Sometimes i get drunk but my INTENTION is not to do that. But clearly his intention is. Now I dont want a discussion on what others think is right/wrong about that or what peoples opinion on christian teaching on that is. This is how i view it should be and aiming to not get drunk and be in control. So therefore this is where my anxiety comes in. To me, this is really important that we both want to show to God and eachother a willingness to follow Him and witness. But he clearly doesnt care. Or if he does care, he doesnt think drinking is an issue. And he has said that to me before. And this really upsets me. And i cant talk to him about it because he will say im being controlling and i always go over the top about everything and most importantly he will think that i dont trust him not to get drunk. It isnt about trust. Its about us being on the same page of whats right and it freaks me out and makes me feel shit that he doesnt think the same and im not ending it but it makes me question our whole relationship.And he doesnt get that, he just thinks im having a go all the time. I cant make him be a certain way. But he promises he is. Ugh I cba with this. Anyway its annoying because it means i then feel shitty going into tonight because he will just be getting drunk and i'll not be fully engaged in my evening bc i feel shit bc of this bc we arent on the same page. thanks for reading...any help?
If he is going out on the piss with his mates tonight, that's not a crime. Jesus did turn water into wine after all. It's not like Jesus was teetotal. So let it go.
Also: making comments like "I'm not going to talk about this because I am avoiding an argument" are highly inflammatory. They're actually offensive and are said to give a parting stab. If you're not going to talk about it to avoid an argument, then just don't talk about it.
You can't take a man on and then start telling him what to do. It doesn't work. He is who he is. You are who you are. If you reserve the right to be you, you have to leave him to be him. So take him as you find him, or don't take him, but don't make it about some moral crime he has committed because he hasn't committed any crime.
what is happening, is that you are being controlling. lol. You're being his mum. And he doesn't want a mum. He's already got a mum. You want him to obey what you perceive to be the rules - but what if you are wrong about the rules?
When you control people you become responsible for the outcome of that. You become responsible for their actions. If you do not wish to be responsible for the consequences of everything he does, you need to let go of the leash.
Look to the things he brings you that bring you joy. Spending time with you. Jokes, smiles, fun. Time together. Value the good things he brings. And don't try to be his mother about the stuff you don't like.
Take him or leave him. That's the thing.