Can I please just back the bus up, and ask for starters:

here you are, single after 40 yrs. How did you feel about that by the end of the year? Had you started to like it at all?

How did you feel about you?

Did you have enough time to settle into a new you, or were you still struggling with the breakup when he came back?

I ask because I would need more than one year to decide I wanted my husband back. I would need 2 or 3. Just to get myself sorted out. When you're still in breakup mode you're vulnerable and can latch on to anything. If you give yourself enough time you can make a better choice about how you feel, and what you want.

If you take him back now, he's in even worse shape than he was in when he left. the conditions you take him back on, are how it's going to be. So he won't stop. If you want to know he stops drinking he has to stop drinking before you let him back.

You haven't asked for anything. you haven't negotiated anything. You've only lost ground.

If I were anxious, that would be why. It would feel to me like a war of attrition that I had just lost a massive piece of territory on.

Just my opinion, but maybe you are feeling anxious because you are feeling powerless. It sounds to me like you think he has the power..he is the one in control.
You say "He left me." And then you say "He came home".
Where is your say in all this? It sounds like you are just letting him decide what he is going to do and what he is going to put you through and you just have to go along with whatever he decides.
That would make me angry, even if I wasn't able to tell him so. And it would find a way to manifest somehow. Maybe you are mad at yourself for allowing him to do this to you...and you know that you are taking steps backwards instead of forward. Maybe deep down you know that a future full of uncertainty and mistrust is worse than being alone.

Basically, I just agree with everything Bridgie said.
And for the record,

No for the record...never mind...lol

Thank you Fleurdeli and Bridgie. I know what you're saying. I know this is a HUGE risk on my part. No I. Was not happy being single. I cried and shook all the time. I even checked myself into the hospital psyche ward. Nothing did any good. I tried to file for divorce but it basically came down to me refusing the final step of signing the final judgement. I wanted my family back in tack more than anything in the world. I know it seems like I gave him no boundaries but I feel that I did. I guess 1 week is not enough time yet for me to stop doubting myself and to stop shaking.

"When someone shows you who they are the first time.....believe them" ~ Maya Angelou

I live by that saying and speak from experience.
When you start loving yourself....taking care of yourself.....and don't lower your standards just so you won't have to be alone.....the right ppl will come into your life and stay. They will be worth the wait and you won't NEED them.....you will want them to share your already awesome life.
Raise your standards....you deserve better and you will get better when you concentrate on your own life.
You can't fix your marriage problems by yourself. You will settle for your husband to be an alcoholic and a cheat/liar? Really?
Ok.......at least get some counseling for yourself.

MsBlank1 gave excellent advice. It's time to take care of you and let others take care of themselves. Hugs GB

I have never in my life made a good decision when I was making it in order to kill an anxiety attack.

What you are saying tells me you had not resolved what went wrong in the relationship and you hadn't reached a point of understanding. When you reach a point of understanding, you relax. You were not relaxed.

This might be the best thing you could ever do, or it might not. But either way it won't be because you were in a position to make a good judgement call. :D

I hope it all goes well for you. take care. :)

So very sad that Hubby has started drinking after all these year's!

It sound's like a very challenging situation. Of course you want to believe him. And please don't blame yourself. No matter what you might have done wrong....is No reason or excuse for him cheating. But you are the only one who can decide whether or not to trust again. Hell no, you are not over analyzing.!!!

I actually was going to answer to this post wondering how you were taking Xanax 3 time's a day. What are your Mig's? I am bearly making it though the day with only one. I think I need your Doc. :-)

All joking aside....I so hope that you will work thing's and will again be happy with hubby and trust.

If he visits her once a while and it gives him emotional balance that will only help you. Do not push him away so he would not have to choose and relocate. He will not leave you for her. He just will be running back and forse that will agravte your and his condition. You wigh him should exchange treatments. You both treat your studf wrong way. He should take Xanax instead of drinking and couple of pills of neuroleptic will make your need for Xanax lower. In other words to reduce amaount of Xanax you need per day you need couple time take antipsychotic but not many just couple.

You have significant major lifestyle challenges that you could probably use cognitive behavior therapy treatment for to help you make the choice you are willing to make for your well-being.
You can not change anyone else, nor is it your problem. You can change how you respond, which will then change their response as the usual pattern no longer works.
I would take the time to write out every single thing you mentioned, express your feelings (all of them), and then look for pattern of thought connected with those feelings.
The fact that you opened the door to reconciliation with the alcoholism medical condition being open gives hope that no matter what happens, you are working with what you have, in the moment.
Best wishes.

I think Ms. Blank said it perfectly. But whatever you decide...its your life. I have been low with no self esteem and I have settled for loser men in my life because I thought it was better than being alone. And nobody was going to tell me any differently. They tried....i wouldn't listen. I had to walk the path on my own until I was ready to change. And thank GOD I finally got to the point where I demanded better for myself. As soon as I started to value myself and stop thinking of myself as weak and stop settling for people who walked all over me.....that is when my whole life started to turn around, and I truly hope you are able to get there at some point too.
You cannot live your life believing that your entire existence depends on another person. You are put on this earth to write your own story and be the main character.........not some second place character in somebody else's story.

Wow!! Thank you everyone. I am trying to move forward. I know I need to break the patterns that got me here in the first place. I have a lot of issues from PSTD to fear of abandonment. Going to counseling. Been doing that for 15 years. Trying new breathing exercises. Just need to take one day at a time. Can't handle much else. Not feeling too confident he's going to stick it out. Drinking is his main desire. The family we have has become secondary. He's going through the motions, but I'm not sure it's just an act. Scared. That's why I have anxiety.