Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I feel like a complete loser right now. I cannot talk to anyone without analyzing every word coming out of my mouth. I am an Accounting student who switched her major several times because of failure. I am doing ok in accounting, but my parents are piling on the pressure for me to graduate (I don't blame them, honestly)
Actually, right now I shoudl be studying for finals but my anxious heart and mind cannot focus: I have to get this off my chest.
I am genuinly afraid I will never get a job, or even graduate college. It kills me because I know I am bright. Actually I believe many people with anxiety are very bright/capable people, because we use our brains every second of the day. But, it is hard for me to ever convince myself I am bright or worth anything to this world. I struggle to work as a cashier, but I force myself to do it anyway. Every transaction with a customer, I am awkward, and i shake like crazy and blush. By the end of my shift, my brain is stressed, not from the dull work, but from the severe anxiety talking to customers brings me. I am already feeling anxious/dreading my 5 hour shift tomorrow...
I have one hobby, ONE thing is this world that I actually believe I am good at. I like to horseback ride, actually I LOVE it more than anything in the world. It's my passion, but its expensive, and my ability to do it depends on my ability to work.
I have a boyfriend of two years, but he is here in the USA on a student visa, and set to graduate in a matter of months. He has not secured a job, does not want to marry me so he can stay here (he says he is confident he will find a job...but I know how difficult it is for international students to find work). So of course in my mind I am terrified he will have to leave and return to his country (Saudi Arabia).
I know I am kind of rambling here, throwing thoughts out that don't really go together, but I've reached a breaking point where I feel my world is collapsing on me, and that I am a worthless human being who will never amount to anything more than socially awkward and full of anxiety.
At my worst stages of anxiety, I remember saying hello to my boss at work as I was climbing over the conveyor steps, and he was going teh other way. I spent maybe the next hour reliving that 'hello' to check for it being a stupid thing to say, or a stupid way to say it, or what I should have done, or what I shouldn't have done.
So I know about the nutty thinking. :) You really have to get checked for that MTHFR gene because you've got it bad. :) You haven't stopped any medications cold turkey lately have you?
As to being afraid you will never get a job. When you were a girl, and you told your mother your fears, did she ever tell you that you only have to achieve the next step?
It logically follows. Don't worry for the future. You will get a job. We all do. It could take a while, it's a bit of a trial by fire. Even if you take a role that's lower than your marks deserve, even if you start very low, every job you take on will be there to teach you something valuable that you couldn't have gotten from another job. The quest is to find that lesson. And as you grow in experience you will grow in confidence. And time will take care of your fears.
You don't have to get your last job. You only have to get your first job. And you've already done that. You can take all the time you like after graduation to find the next job. Time is your friend.
Life is a series of todays. What will I do today that will make my future better? Sometimes that's study. Sometimes that's go to bed and cry. Sometimes it's go to the beach. You get to choose what's best for you from your own point of view every day. Have faith in your choices and take each one as it comes. :)
2. I struggle with anxiety daily as well. I am 21, just like you. I work and go to school. The one thing I have to tell myself daily is "get through my shift" or "get through this class." The more I think about tomorrow, next week, next year, the more I fall behind on the present. Instead of working to get through the day, work to get through the moment.
3. You'll get a job. It may take a little time (monthsssss) or it may take no time (a job offer before you graduate). Just do your part in sending resumes, making contact, and doing your best in interviews. You have time. We do not have to figure out our entire lives before we go to sleep tonight.
Now, go study for your finals! Get through the moment!! Good luck and if you ever want to chat, message me!
~Chels