Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
So yesterday, we lost my grand mom. It wasn't a surprise she had been on hospice for months and the day before yesterday I had gone to see her. She was in transition, gasping for air and barely conscious. I'm not certain if she knew I was there with her daughters. I was trying to comfort her by rubbing her arm, making sure her lips were moist with a sponge and making sure she was hydrated. I was most upset because I trying to make sure she wasn't afraid. I couldn't tell if she was. I was trying to make sure she was comfortable but with her unable to communicate I don't know if we eased her transition at all. I went to work and my mom sat with her and she passed.
My anxiety has absolutely ballooned since her passing yesterday. I wake up with the most severe panic attacks and go to bed with similar panic. They are so bad I taste blood in my mouth. I feel nauseous every time I eat and my crying is severe my head feels swollen constantly. I guess I am most afraid that she is alone. We cared for her so much throughout her life, and I feel like she still needs us. I feel like I can't let go of the fact that I fear she's somewhere alone. My grandfather died many years ago when I was very young. Everyone keeps saying they're together and she's a lot happier for it, but I can't seem to comfort myself in this way. I struggle with my sense of the after life.
I keep breaking out in fits of panic and crying. I just don't know how to feel even after all of this and I sense a long struggle with many sleepless nights. I can't even think ahead to the funeral in a couple days because I get so messed up at funerals of people I'm not even that tied to let alone my only grandparent. (all of my other grandparents either died when I was very young or before my birth). I have disgustingly morbid crazy thoughts at funerals and I'm sure I will lose it when they finally bury her. I just don't know how to get through this. It's Christmas in a week and I can't even wrap my head around the fact she won't be there for another Christmas ever again. I just feel I have no control, I'm a terrible granddaughter and my childhood has died with her.
My anxiety has absolutely ballooned since her passing yesterday. I wake up with the most severe panic attacks and go to bed with similar panic. They are so bad I taste blood in my mouth. I feel nauseous every time I eat and my crying is severe my head feels swollen constantly. I guess I am most afraid that she is alone. We cared for her so much throughout her life, and I feel like she still needs us. I feel like I can't let go of the fact that I fear she's somewhere alone. My grandfather died many years ago when I was very young. Everyone keeps saying they're together and she's a lot happier for it, but I can't seem to comfort myself in this way. I struggle with my sense of the after life.
I keep breaking out in fits of panic and crying. I just don't know how to feel even after all of this and I sense a long struggle with many sleepless nights. I can't even think ahead to the funeral in a couple days because I get so messed up at funerals of people I'm not even that tied to let alone my only grandparent. (all of my other grandparents either died when I was very young or before my birth). I have disgustingly morbid crazy thoughts at funerals and I'm sure I will lose it when they finally bury her. I just don't know how to get through this. It's Christmas in a week and I can't even wrap my head around the fact she won't be there for another Christmas ever again. I just feel I have no control, I'm a terrible granddaughter and my childhood has died with her.
Golly, panic attacks are not good for ya'. (And I've had a goodly number of them :) (Made some bad choices, getting into stressful situations. Then I paid.)
I hope are getting treatment of some sort concerning the panics. If possible, someone to talk to who understands excessive stress -- and a lil' something to get you through this. Herbal or whatever.
It made Grandmother's transition easier for several(!) of her family being there. Some communication is not conscious I think.
. Caleb,
named for a spy of Moses, as they struggled into the promised land
When someone is passing their last sence to go is hearing so all that was said to her would have been a big comfort, she will also not have any pain at this point.
I know it,s hard lovie but please try and take comfort in the fact that you were there for her and she is no longer suffering and she will be with her family in heaven.
Please don't sell yourself short you were not a terrible grand daughter, you obviously adored her and took wonderfull care of her.
Maybe you should see your doc for some anxiety meds and sleeping pills short term to help you through this difficult time.
Special hugs to you.