Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
My doctor prescribed clonazepam for anxiety a while back. I had asked for these because they seem to be the only thing that helped with my anxiety & I didn't want to be on full-time meds. However, he would not continue to give them to me as needed. Well, luckily (or maybe not) a friend had pills he was not using & gave them to me as "backup" for any panic attacks. And please don't tell me how wrong that was. I'm well aware, but when you are scared out of your mind, you're willing to do anything.
Anyhow, here's where I stand... Although I don't take them every day, I may use them 2-3 times a week. My boyfriend thinks I seldom take these pills. I'm almost out of them. I realized that I sneak them when he is in the bathroom or I will take some before I go home from work. At 1st I was just taking them when I felt panicked, but now I take them almost as a preventative measure, even if I don't feel too badly. I'm so scared to have another panic attack, I take them at the slightest inkling of feeling "weird". I don't know what I will do when they run out. I don't know how to explain to my boyfriend that all the pills are gone. He is definitely the kind of person that I could talk to about this & he would be supportive. The thing that worries me is A) his disappointment in me & B) sadly, that he may take the pills away from me or monitor my usage. Which isn't a normal thing to think, right? So, am I addicted or dependant, or scared to deal with life? I just don't know. Any advise?
Anyhow, here's where I stand... Although I don't take them every day, I may use them 2-3 times a week. My boyfriend thinks I seldom take these pills. I'm almost out of them. I realized that I sneak them when he is in the bathroom or I will take some before I go home from work. At 1st I was just taking them when I felt panicked, but now I take them almost as a preventative measure, even if I don't feel too badly. I'm so scared to have another panic attack, I take them at the slightest inkling of feeling "weird". I don't know what I will do when they run out. I don't know how to explain to my boyfriend that all the pills are gone. He is definitely the kind of person that I could talk to about this & he would be supportive. The thing that worries me is A) his disappointment in me & B) sadly, that he may take the pills away from me or monitor my usage. Which isn't a normal thing to think, right? So, am I addicted or dependant, or scared to deal with life? I just don't know. Any advise?
Anyway, it doesn't sound like you are addicted to them but that they are your safety net. We all have a safety net. For me, I keep Klopopin in my purse and it makes me feel safe. Your safety net is being taken away from you and you are in a panic over it. Most of us would be. That knowledge alone will send us into a panic.
Sneaking them when no one is looking is because you have been judged. Someone, perhaps your Dr or a friend, has told you that you are addicted to them and it may not be true. We all judge - it's human nature. But when we are judged it does alter our behavior. For example, if your boyfriend said that it was OK and that he understood why you were taking the meds, you would relax and actually need them less. It's a vicious circle.
Have you tried any of the meds that are taken once daily instead of rescue meds? I was on Paxil and it worked great for me. I also tried Celexa but that didn't work. I know there are others but I don't know them all. Hopefully someone else responds to your post with what they take.
Take care
I have tried so many other things. I've been given what feels like EVERY ssri available & none seem to work. My last doc started me on lamictal, but before I could see any results, I lost my insurance. And going to a psychiatrist is NOT cheap. lol. Which is another reason I think these k-pins have become so important. I couldn't afford to go back to the doc, but at least I had these pills...and they would keep me safe.
I prefer the "rescue meds" personally because I don't like to think I need to take a pill everyday and they have some yucky side effects. I think your dr. might be the one with issue. I have a similar problem where I live now. But before I moved, my doctor was quite reasonable.
Currently I have 3 different prescriptions for anxiety, clonazepam, xanex and trazodone (for sleep).
is this a medical doctor or psychiatrist? It seems that medical doctors (while easily prescribe something long term like lexapro, and less willing to give you the doses you need for the rescue meds since you might be "addicted") I hate that attitude as these long term drugs have been far more detrimental to my long term health, they destroyed my thyroid. I switch between the the others so my body does not become too tolerant to the current doses.
Preemptively taking a pill when you know you are headed into a more stressful situation does not sound like you have an addiction to meds, it sounds like you have an addiction to not being anxious. Try and explain to your doctor, or get a new one. You should not have to feel like a "junky" you don't need that judgement...but I have many friends that are in the same boat as you. It is very difficult when it comes to mental health. Sorry you are going through this...I know exactly how you feel - remember taking an anti-inflammatory before you run a marathon is not considered addicted. it is considered preemptive and smart. Good Luck.
It is too bad no meds are working for you though. I know I was on the highest dose of Paxil before it started working. I don't know what I would have done if the highest dose didn't work.
I will never judge another, as I didn't have any medical ins. and I had two friends that were also taking xanax and had some extra's to give me until I could get my medical ins and get on them on my own rx!
K-pin is not a dangerous drug so I think you are ok with taking them, but to come off of it cold turkey will be harder then hell! How many do you have left? Is it possible to start cutting back on them a bit just so you do not run out soon? I know what it is like not having any ins.
Some personal questions.....are you married? Do you own a home or a car? Do you have lots of money in the bank? I only ask this as, when I was not married and had nothing in my name, I went down to the local welfare office place and filed for medicaid and it was the best thing I had ever done! Free doc visits, one or two of my meds cost me $1, my surgeries were free and I could get my meds with no worries! I could change to whatever doc I wanted to go to, it was great!
When I got married though, they took it away from me, so that was the reason I asked the personal questions. Medicaid was easy to get on and they still send me stuff asking me if I want back on it, but I dont qualify
You should check it out online, just google,...medicaid in _____________ whatever state you are in and it will give you their phone number and address. You sometimes can even apply online if they give you a web site of you can call them and ask if you can apply online!
In my state, every 6 months they had me to a update, but since nothing changed all I had to do was things like, make a copy of my drivers lic. and a few other things and that was that...worth checking into!
If I think of anything else I will email you ! You are NOT A JUNKIE! Those of us with horrible panic attacks and/or just anxiety know what that feels like and I can only speak for me, but I know there is not much I wouldn't do to stop my next attack!
I think all these docs that want to play God, shoudl have just one MAJOR panic attacks and then maybe they would be much more understanding!
If I can help at all, just pm me!
Ok. I'm done with my rant. Thanks for reading it. :-)
I was prescribed these pills by a psychiatrist.
Over the course of my "treatment" I have been on (please excuse my spelling) prozac, pristiq, wellbutrin, lexapro, and lamictal. The ONLY one that lasted longer than the 1st round was pristiq. I was on that for about a yr until my best friend informed me that I had turned into a zombie. My doctor (a different one-gp) took me off of those. That's kind of where the whole "I don't want to be on pills all the time" thing stems from. I want to not be scared. I don't want to not be a human.
To Northdude: I know they are addictive. That was the reason for my post and why I was getting worried. I take about 2mgs every couple of days. I was only taking 1mg, but I upped it to 2 because honestly, I was building a tolerance. So, this isn't an every day thing. I may go a wk without taking any. Then I can have wks like the past one where I took them 3 days in a row.
As for financial things-I simply make too much money to get any sort of assistance.(i've tried) AND I don't make enough to pay for decent insurance. I have a new job now, have bare minimum insurance, and am broke. As are most of us, I'm sure. lol.
Again, thank you all for your responses. I wasn't expecting much feedback when I posted & its nice to know that people care enough to take the time to write.
How do I tell my boyfriend that the pills he thinks I'm not taking are actually almost gone? Maybe that's the part that makes me feel like an addict the most...the hiding. The 1st few times I took a k-pin around him, he looked at me like "but you seem fine". I could see in his face he didn't understand. So, I stopped taking them around him. And now if we go somewhere (I tend to take them beforehand if I'm going to be in large crowds cuz my mind likes to play games with me then) and he sees I didn't take any, he practically lights up with joy. I hear "SEE! You didn't even have to take anything & you did fine". How can I disappoint him & tell him "no, I'm not fine. I'm not strong." He seems so happy when he thinks I'm doing better. Which is sweet, but... I don't know.
Anyway. My point is that it's pretty broadly defined and it's sort of a personal call to make as to if you are or not. Withdrawls or not, you can still be an addict.
I think it's great though that you are at least realizing that things are getting weird with the pills. I think that it's part of the reason why they are prescribed short term, because they can become a crutch (although not with every person), taking it whenever/just because something is off/hard/etc.
I honestly wouldn't worry about his disappointment, I'd talk to him about it. Whenever I had trouble I knew my mom/friends/whoever would be upset/disappointed but it's something that I really had to talk about because it's part of the way to stop the behavior, to talk about it.
I get ativan and when I first got it, because I've taken it before recreationally when I was using dex, I had my room mate keep them and give them to me when I needed them instead of keeping them myself because I knew I'd screw it up.
It actually worked fine for a while, I don't think it's weird to do that as long as the person who has them is around you quite a bit, knows what it looks like for you to have severe anxiety, etc.
I would also say that if your use is increasing or anything and especially if you're so worried about running out, that you should talk to your doctor and tell them what's up. I know that seems pretty hard but if you're doctor is open and understanding they can help curb any physical side effects (because those are BAD, I have seen benzo withdrawl and it is awful, awful stuff) if you have any.
Telling a doctor won't even necessarily alienate the possibility of getting them later on, either, if it's truly one of the only things that work for you.