I'm so sorry to hear about your situation with your son. I agree with SimponsOK response, protecting your son and yourself comes first. I hope that everything will work out for the best. Court and custody issues are long term for most people and takes a lot out of you. I've been in and out of custody battles for 11 years now. It's finally slowed down but it's been hard on me and my 12 year old daughter. Even though my ex isn't physically abusive he continues to be emotionally abusive and always putting negative thoughts into our daughter's head. She's in counseling right now, I would recommend that for you and your son if possible. Everyone's situation is different but similar struggles. I will pray for your family at times that's all we can do. I know God has been with me even when I'm constantly attacked by my ex and his attorney, He has made a way for the courts to see through my ex's immaturity and selfishness instead of what better for our daughter. We don't even communicate and everything goes thru his girlfriend by text because he so stubborn in his ways. God bless you on your journey and may he strengthen you to stand firm and finding what's best for your son.

When you say he assaulted you, what exactly did he do?

I can relate to you. Big hug! I have suffered from anxiety and I have had panic attacks too. I also had an ex-husband who took me to court on and off for four years after leaving me and our two sons and filing for divorce. It was awful!! and it was downright scary sometimes. I was worried the judge and the mediator wouldn’t see through him but... they did. I was worried that they’d give my ex more time and put my boys in danger but... they didn’t. :) A book called, “Come Away My Beloved” really comforted me during this time. I read it when I couldn’t sleep and I took it to court with me. I highly! recommend it. I also clung to Isaiah 54:17, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Another book that helped me was by Stormie Omartian called, “The Power of the Praying Parent.” Both are easy to read. Have you considered talking to a counselor to get control of your anxiety? I see a Christian counselor and I have learned, through completing an anxiety workbook, how to talk myself down from having a full-blown panic attack. I wonder if something like that could help you too. Not being in control of what happens to the most precious thing in your life, your children, is an awful!! feeling but what I came to know was that God always has the last say, not my ex-husband, not a mediator, not even the judge really. Don’t lose hope! Keep being the best parent you can be and give the rest over to someone who’s greater and cares about your smallest need. I’ll be praying for you to have the gift of God’s peace that truly surpasses all understanding. This too shall pass. <3