That must be a very difficult situation. I always say I could never live in another country - especially if they don't speak English. And German is not an easy language. I'll never understand a language where one word can have more letters in it than the American alphabet... Right? Needless to say, I was not successful at learning German. :-)

It sounds to be like you have really been challenging yourself in trying to get involved and you should give yourself credit for that. In the same situation many people would bury themselves in the house and never leave. But you did try and I think that is wonderful.

If you like to cook can you start a cooking club? Is there an art class you can take? Do you do yoga at home or do you go somewhere to do it? I am guessing you live on an American military base and I'm not sure all that would be available to you.

Also, what was it about the book club and learning German that you did not like? Was it that you were outside your comfort zone? Were you too anxious to enjoy it? Do you only find pleasure in things you do alone and if so, why? What is it about being with other people that stresses you out? Do you feel judged? Do you start to tell yourself that no one will like you? Sometimes our own self talk can make an experience uncomfortable.

These are just a few ideas that popped into my head. Sorry if it's all over the place.

Take care

I know what you mean about not contributing enough. I have a part time job now. So, that helps a little, but i'm not sure how much longer i'll have this job. I am ready to quit. Everyone I work with is a bunch of jerks. So, that's makes working there very hard.

Going overseas would be a big change. I don't think I could ever handle that. Good luck with that.

Sorry I don't have much for advice because I can barely handle my depression. Are you on any medication for it? I am.

Lucky, thanks for your insights. When I moved here I was so worried I would hunker down and not leave the house, I took things a little too far in the other direction. I decided I would try lots of different things and make a life for myself here. I put a lot of pressure on myself to mix and find community. The result was a megadose of anxiety because a lot of it wasn't the best fit.

I'm a strong introvert and I think I do have some social anxiety. Being around people drains me at the best of times, at the worst, I feel awkward. I also struggle with anxiety and depression, so lately I focus on the negative aspects of things. For example, I don't like German because I feel like I'll never be good at it and half the book club books are books I dislike. Both experiences reinforce my belief that I don't really belong here.

After my current German class is over, I think I'm going to go to yoga classes outside the house instead. I found a studio I like, but the times clash with my German classes. Yes, normally I like to do things alone or with someone close to me, but that is the hallmark of introversion. Perhaps I'm denying my true nature with all this activity? That may be causing a lot of my anxiety. But then, the fear of cocooning myself and becoming depressed (something I've struggled with) also makes me anxious.

Mjones, thanks for your comment. I'm on Lexapro, but I think it is too soon to tell if it's helping. I have had some good days since I started confronting all these issues, but today I seemed to really backslide.

Hello - I just want you to know that a. I'm not American b. I have moved countries many times over a liftetime and c. Living in a new culture, with a new language is very challenging....oh and d. I have been on Lexapro, but no longer am.

First off - you have done a great job in relocating to a completely new country and culture and you are surviving in it.... however, you are putting yourself under pressure by wanting to 'contribute' and learn German and be social. I suggest you come back down to ground zero and work up.

You are an intelligent person who had a great, busy career-life which you gave up for this. You don't owe anything to anyone.

I think you are doing great. Great idea to do the yoga with a group.... and maybe you can re-schedule your german lessons to suit (but hey, you come first so they need to fit in)....

Don't feel guilty for any reason...it's tough to set up camp in a new society.

And - side note - re Lexapro - it's a great back up - it is stabilising you - but remember that your decisions and your ability to seek support and do what you do - that is all you!

Thank you so much, @mangomoment. That's exactly what I needed to hear!