Anxiety Disorders in Children Support Group
Childhood","This community is for parents and caregivers of children who exhibit signs of anxiety. Anxiety refers to a complex combination of negative emotions that includes fear, apprehension and worry, and is often accompanied by physical sensations such as palpitations, nausea, chest pain and/or shortness of breath."
My child has struggled with sleep in all forms since birth. Staying asleep, going to sleep, not sleeping alone, you name it. She did a year of OT as a small child. She seems pretty well regulated at this point. Her sensory issues seem mild to me. (cutting her nails, pickiness with food, fear at movie theatres). As she got older she began avoiding things. (writing, activities). Over the Summer before school started she began having full blown panic attacks. Once school got underway she mellowed and her anxiety decreased. Now she is straight up panicking over sleep. She is literally terrified of FALLING ASLEEP. She says she hates the feeling she has right before she loses consciousness to sleep. She feels like she is disappearing. She will lie in the dark for 10-15 minutes then bolt upright in tears crying, "I'm never going to be able fall asleep ever again." I calm her as best I can but if she's not overtired enough to succumb, she will fight it...and the cycle repeats very 15 minutes. Now NOTHING is helping. She can be playing with her favorite cousin at 4:00pm and come into the room and tell me she's getting worried about bed time. Sleeping in the bed with us does not help. She has done a "sleeping pill" of (5mg) Melatonin during difficult times for a very long time. Occasionally she's even powered through 10mg of Melatonin. Nothing works. Soothing music is "too sad" for her and makes her cry. Massage annoys her. Stretches do nothing. Breathing, nothing. She has a "worry box" where we put her fears." Meh. Sort of. Lights on, lights off - neither matters. I read her a bedtime story every night until she tells me she's sleepy and ready to stop. I've offered to let her get back up, turn on the lights and read. I've let her stay up late until she tells me she wants to go to bed. I've also stuck to diligent bedtime routines with appropriate bedtimes. We stay off screens an hour before bed. We take hot baths sometimes with Lavendar bubbles. I hate to be so defeatist but give me a suggesstion and I guarantee you I've tried it. I wouldn't be writing on this if I wasn't at my end point. Has anyone else experienced this?
I hear everything you say and I feel every inch of your pain. My daughter, now 10, has always struggled at bedtime. Now she's old enough to vocalise her feelings, she's terrified some one is going to kill her in her sleep. She hears every little creek and crack that the house makes and more often than not will have a tantrum at bedtime to avoid having to go to bed. This has been going on since she was a toddler. We have tried literally everything. Hot baths, strict routine, lavender magnesium lotion, melatonin, music, iPod, stories, lights on, lights off, ear plugs, sleeping in our bedroom on her own mattress, haven her brother sleep in her room, one of us in her room, moving her bedroom around, re decorating in her choice of colours (lemon - good sunny colour), letting her stay up, trying to get her to nap, hot drink (which increases her need to pee - so not good). She's seen countless doctors and even had her tonsils out due to slight sleep apnoea! Literally nothing has worked. We have just been on a course for parents through CAMHS (Child and adult mental health services) and did a 6 week anxiety course to help her. It got slightly better once we understood her fears but now we're back to square one and its worse than ever. I would love to help but am struggling myself. It's ruining my relationship with her and my hubby and my 7 year old son is also feeling the negative effects. I'm at a loss.
Because he won't even settle if I'm not in the room with him, our living room at night turns into a sleep over situation, which sounds like part of the problem till I tell you how much more relaxed he is with this. One bridge at a time. His dad, my son, died almost three years ago, then a big bunch of bad went on with mom, he's been with me a year and a half now. He says he can't sleep with me in a different room cause he's scared something will happen to me and he won't be there. His therapist asked if he thinks he'd be able to do something if he was. No reply.
So, like you, melatonin, relaxing teas, special pillows... it feels like someone is somewhere making money off making up stuff "that'll definitely help. Selling to desperate families willing to try anything.
He'll often go to around 12 sometimes before sometimes after. And if I try to change or do any of this "gotta haves" like the living room/bedroom conversion, he just gets upset and accuses me of punishing him when he just can't get to sleep. His therapist is aware of it.
He's got during the day things as well. Like nobody can take the dogs out without him because he's worried to something will happen, they get out of the yard, or get away and run away, or if there's anyone out at all, or a delivery truck pulls up while outside, he'll hurry them into the house real quick. They're not attack dogs by any means, but he's afraid someone will be scared of them and get them in trouble for it?
So like the keeping an eye on me at night, the therapist says it's his way of trying to control things when so much had gone out of control.
Anyone finds magic pixie dust on the market, probably would give it a go...
My son was 10 years old when he was diagnosed with OCD, and anxiety. He is now 16 yrs old, and he is functioning without medications, and no behavior plan in school, and no phone calls home from the school (which used to be daily).
Besides this type of therapy, I will offer my professional opinion, from the last 20 years being in the human services field. Often, especially for children, they need structure and predictability. Offer choices, but not choices that aren't going in a positive direction. Example: Give him the choice of sleeping in his room, with you visiting for an hour, or he can sleep in the living room, but you will not sleep out there with him. (You build to the time frames, but do not give him all of what he wants, since you are trying to curve the behavior). This could also look like : He sleeps in his room, and you will visit for the whole night, or he can sleep in the living room and you will only be in there till midnight.
The biggest thing is that you need to set your boundaries, and reassure him. Let him know that he did not do anything wrong, but it is time for him to start getting ready to be in middle school, and that he is getting older. Assure him that you will be in your bedroom, and that he can look in if he wakes up and is scared, but must still go back to where he is sleeping. Do not give in to him, he will beg, cry, possibly get angry. Just validate his feelings and listen to him without getting into the back and forth.
Once he gets comfortable with this new sleeping arrangement you should alter it more so that you are spending less time with him during sleeping hours, and so that he is in his own room. When he is finally sleeping in his room, then cut back the time you spend in the room with him by giving him TV time, or an incentive (special day, gift (small gifts, like bouncy balls), money (not a lot), or movie night at home with just you).