my girlfriend, who at the time was just my friend, was diagnosed anorexic in may 2015 and spent september 2015 - march 2016 in inpatient hospital. she did not let me visit her after she can out of hospital until i turned up at her house late june 2016 unexpectedly (it had been a year since i'd last seen her). we got together in about april 2016 and went two months not having a physical relationship if you get what i mean. since we got together i haven't seen her naked, occasionally she'll take her pyjama bottoms off when we have sex but most of the time she covers her legs with the duvet but i'm not allowed to see her bum. i have nEVEr seen her without a top on apart from one time back in july when she insisted the lights were turned off and it was pitch black. i can't touch her tummy under any curcumstances, or her waist, if i touch her thighs she gets extremely uncomfortable. we've been together for almost a year now and i've never been able to even place my hand on her stomach. never. and it's really taking a toll on me.

I know it's wrong of me to feel the way i do because i know what's she's been through and how difficult it was, because it felt like i was going through it along with her. but i can't help but feel that she doesn't trust me or love me enough to feel safe around me and that really hurts. whenever she gets dressed, she either goes into the bathroom or i have to turn around and close my eyes. i'm always naked around her, i was selfconcious myself when we first got together but i felt it was important that i showed my full trust in her and how much i love her. it gets in the way of our intimacy as well, i get sad everytime we have sex (lesbian) because there i am naked yet she's wearing trousers and a tshirt.

i don't know, i just don't know what to do. i can't leave her, i won't leave her, i love her too much, but it's not wrong of me to feel this way, right? i need help, advice, i don't know how to handle it. i cry most nights because we've talked about it and she says it'll be months maybe a year until she's "ready" but she's also said that if i hadn't shown up at her house in june, she may not have even seen me yet. i feel like if i want to see her, i have to do it myself, but i can't do that because the psycological damage it'll have on her'll make me feel so shitty and guilty. but it's been 9 months, maybe even more. i'm not a strong person, this is too much for me but i know it'll be worse if i leave her, i'm just stuck and i can't seem to get out of the permantent mood it puts me in. the constant sadness and feeling of not being loved and trusted. i don't know, i just give everything to her, everything and everytime i get selfconcious because she's not naked around me, she gets angry and sad saying "if that's your way of trying to hurry me up, it's not going to work" and that just makes me feel worse. ugh. please