Anger Management Support Group
Anger management commonly refers to therapeutic techniques by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce their emotions. Typical examples include the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means to relaxation. Psychologists recommend a balanced approach, which both controls the emotion and allows it to express itself in a healthy way.
I am seriously in a state of anxiety right now! I am so angry... I hate feeling sorry for myself and it rarely happens but today I am in a why me. This post may jump around because my emotions and anger have me all over the place in my head.
Why the hell did this woman who gave birth to me even bother? She never wanted me, never loved me and always reminded me what a mistake I was.
I have been battling these feelings for more years than I care to admit.
I actually hate her. I hate my mother. She is not a good person. She talked down to me my entire life. Let her numerous boyfriends and husbands have their way with me. Threw me out when I was in 8th grade because her perverted husband would always be there and I would grow up and move away.
I keep seeing these posts about your mother is the one that will always love you, you only have one mother and blah, blah, blah. If I could slap her in the face I would. If I could tell her how she made my life a constant challenge and struggle I would. Would she care.... no. She has not answered a phone call from me in 10 years. How do you just turn your back on your child for any unknown reason. She discarded me as a child and then again as an adult.
Ugh... I hate feeling this way. I am everything she is not. I used her as an example of what kind of person I did not want to be, not as an excuse to be a poor excuse for a human much less a mother. Why can't I leave it at that?
Why do I allow myself to go through these times? Times where I cry, I feel rejected, I feel like my life was wasted trying to raise myself and pull myself out of depression, drugs, and abusive relationships all because she chose to raise a child she never wanted.
I hate the anger I feel inside and I am afraid that I will never be able to come to peace with it. How do I move past it? I thought I had forgiven her so I could have peace and here comes the anger. Sometimes I want to know that she is haunted by her actions, that somewhere deep inside she did love me, that she was proud of me at times. I would like to know if she ever regretted discarding me like stale bread. How do I move past the fact that I may never know and her treatment of me has molded the first 4 decades of my life in some pretty troubling ways. I want to know she hurts for what she did to me.
I am so angry right now. I want answers to questions I will never get and it makes me angrier.
Damn her.
