OMG, I have to have the most unhinged, foaming-at-the-mouth, rabies-infected feral dog of a partner in the world.  As for why he's my partner, I come from a family of hothead and my father in particular was extemely violent, so anger is my normal.  Or was.  I don't know if it's because I've done a lot of my own healing and spiritual work regading my own trauma or age is catching up to me, but I've gotten to a point where I'm getting FED THE EFF UP with my partner's anger issues.  

My dad was explosive and violent, but he would "calm down" after he exploded and life would go on.  My partner?  It's like you put his mug in the wrong place or the water company gets back to him two minutes later and he loses his sh*t and then it's WEEKS of sulking, silent treatment, stonewalling, trying to get revenge, wanting to destroy someone, contacting people to get someone fired, etc. etc.  He lets NOTHING go.  He's convinced he's been betrayed, wronged more than any victim in the Holocaust, etc.  I put the mug back into its proper place, but no, it's too late, I've injured him deeply, I must be punished, how could I wrong him so badly by putting a mug in the wrong place, EVIL HORRIBLE BITCH MUST BE DESTROYED. 

When I tried to talk to him about it, EVERYTHING annoys him.  Being asked, "Hey can we talk?" annoys him, sharing my feelings annoy him, me having emotions annoys him, I feel like breathing annoys him.  When he's mad, it's like I go out to the kitchen and get a drink that's annoying to him and of course ANNOYING HIM THE WORST SIN THE WORD.  He's alredy suffering with the world being so full of stupid people and everything annoying him, CAN YOU BELIEVE MY BITCH OF A PARTNER WANTS TO GET SATISFY HER THIRST AND ANNOY ME EVEN FURTHER?  WHY DOES SHE WANT ME TO SUFFER?  HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH? 

I just want to take a hose with skin-removing water pressure and spray him with it.  That's the only thing I can see calming him down.  Actually, it'll just make him madder, but it will give me an untold amount of satisfaction.   Or better still, put him in a cell with a guard that his level of patience (which is NONE) and his temper, and give that guard a electronic shock baton that he gets to shock my partner with when my partner doesn't do things to his specification.  Give him a taste of his medicine.  It's fun, isn't it?  Being so terrified of doing anything that you get clumsy and YOU GET BLASTED FOR IT, and when you say you're sorry you're only annoying them more so they blast you again.  Yeah, let him get shocked for anytime he's not fast or good enough for the guard.  Welcome to my world. 

I've sacrifice and did EVERYTHING he asked me to.   When he was wronged, I supported him, quit my job numerous time so we can leave a place that offended or upset him, I became neater, figured out how to change my routine so I wouldn't annoy him so much, etc. etc. and he never says thank-you, never acknowledges when I get things right, he just explodes on what I get wrong and or gets upset that I don't want to tear people down who wronged him like he does, which leads to weeks of stonewalling because I guess I betayed him or something.  

That effing piece of  sh*t.  I'm going to call him that because he calls me that all the time.  He calls everyone that all the time.  Everything annoys him.  Everything is a piece of sh*t to him.  He's just a miserable angry person who's incapable of any sort of gratitude or joy.  

Okay, that's not true.  When he's not angry, he's actually my favourite person to be around.  The problem is, he's angry 70% of the time.  So that's 70% of our relationship where I'm rejected, treated as a punching bag, or punished in some way.  

Clearly, I'm at the point where I'm MAD AS HELL as his inability to control his temper.  The tiniest thing will cause an explosion and it will last weeks.  One of the things I hate about his anger is what a time waster it is.  He's always upset about people wasting his time (he loses it when people are 45 seconds late), but when he's angry, those are WEEKS where we can't go to fun events or talk to each other and enjoy life.  I feel like I've lost so much of my life because he always get angry and then I can't do anything with him.  

Okay, I feel better writing that out.  

People who angry here - a few questions from someone who is the partner of an extremely angry person:

1. How were your loved ones able to help you with your anger, if they were able to?  (I don't have much hope with my partner, but hey, maybe I'll read something that might help.)

2. Does watching people walk on eggshells give you any satisfaction?  My partner seems to get annoyed when I walk around on eggshells with him, but then when I don't and I'm direct and myself, that annoys him too.  I guess the real question is, is there any way we can win with you?  Because I feel like everything I do, including breathing, sets him off.  What helps you when you get to a point where everything annoys you?

3. When people leave you because of your anger, can you understand?  Because I think I'm at the point where I have to go, because holy god, my nerves are fried.