pretty honest assessment of yourself. The first step of solving a problem is to know that you HAVE a problem. You know that some will go through their whole life in denial.
You didn't do that.
I guess you have to ask yourself questions.
Is there a role model, couples that you know who have a strong, close relationship, who have problems but they don't let it ruin their relationship?
is there a group in DS that specifically deals with your problem?
Does your past, your childhood have a lot to do with being an abuser? Did you see abuse happen when you were young?
Suppose you were back in a relationship right now (you could even imagine the person that left you) if you were in that relationship, what would keep you from stopping your bad habit, what would keep you from EVER abusing again?
is it hard to imagine that you would live the rest of your live without EVER abusing again? if not, why?
Google these 2 words Abusers Anonymous
see if there's websites that help
Before DS's big change, there were 1,000s and 1,000s of groups here. I had a friend here (never met her as we lived 1,000 miles away from each other) who was in Cheaters Anonymous. Is there an Abusers Anonymous group at DS?

That you so much for your kind words and words of encouragement! You don't know what it means that you took some time to respond and give me that advice... please know that i will challenge myself in looking for that in a Google search. It took some time for me to even let those words come out. Admit to myself that unfortunately that's what I've done and been. An Abuser, Unfortunately I've justified it with some many excuses but not any more. I'm ready for change,i know that's not really me and what i want to me known as. Thanks again

You welcome, best of luck

I'm new to this forum and I am comforted by reading your thread because I to have acknowledged that I share some of the same abusive traits as my past abusers. I have always been a very self aware individual and my first time dealing with domestic violence, I was embarrassed but brave to admit that as much as I have been a victim, I am also an abuser. Most of my abusive behavior begins when I have allowed someone to have more control than I am comfortable with... It always ends w/me fighting my way out of a corner. If it takes two in a relationship, shouldn't both parties be responsible for their actions?
I commend you for your bravery to be honest and true to yourself.

I think maybe you are hurt and lonely. You can not make someone love you and you can not force them to stay. It is difficult for someone to stay when they are being disrespected and hurt by someone they are supposed to love and who is supposed to love them. you may need some tools in loving and respecting yourself so you may love someone else

i too am an abusive woman when i get angry, when i feel i am not in control, i become physical and verbally abusive. i become blind with rage and can actually feel a split in my being, in the moment of rage, i don't care about the consequences and i allow the emotion to take control, as soon as i calm down, i feel regret and guilt.. i have started yoga and meditation, and its helping in a way, i am now able to stop the anger emotion in its track, and i just start screaming like i am throwing a temper tantrum. i know now that i have PTSD from childhood and the rage i experience is a result. Louise Hay and her Affirmations help me a lot, but it too is my question - how do we stop the anger in its track?! what do we do when "the Hulk" begins to emerge?

I commend you on accepting that you have a problem. It took me along time to realize that I am an abuser. I have had so many episodes of where my rage was harmful to the people I love. I am so thankful that they have forgiven me. After an incident with my sister a couple of years ago, I went into therapy...Before that incident, I knew I had problems when I attacked my boyfriend and ruined all his gaming and computer equipment (worth over $3000). Not everyone is forgiving and if they do forgive you, they won't forget and it damages the relationship. I verbally attacked my best friend after she tried to kiss me and touched me in front of her new boyfriend. The things I said to her were horrible and even though she was wrong for her behavior, I should have never threaten her.... With that being said, it maybe best to give your partner time to reflect about the incident or maybe your partner is scared of you and doesn't want to endure that type of treatment. I would just write your partner a letter explaining you have a problem and that you are sorry. Then, I would seek help from a professional.