he may call me nuts too, but I side with you. Why would he care whether you are watching that or not...everyone has a right to watch the shows they like....if I had known it was on and showed Maui I would have watched it too.

geeeezzzzzz....he has some issues.

It really does sound like he was only playing at first; which if it offends you, shouldn't be done. I think it got all out of whack with your feelings being hurt and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was a good thing but what might be better is just telling him that you don't find it funny and it bothers you when he makes remarks about "whatever". Yeah, I'm a little hot tempered myself. I'm learning that when someone "makes fun" then I just tell them "I'm not kidding, I didn't find that funny...that'll be enough". Anyhow, learning I said. It takes time to control the anger, I still have outburst and people still piss me off but little steps.

Something I found to be true.about arguments when there really is no real good rason to argue , Is the fact that there are two prople who start acting out. It takes two people to argue and fuss. If one of you stays quiet there is not much fussing going to take place. We all want to be heard and have our openion validated. My husband never saw things the way I did . In his opinion my way of doing things or my thinking or my opinion was just silly. I learned a long time ago to just let him have his say and not respont to much of anything he said. I think it made him more angry, that I would not argue with him. . Now keep in mind I was not agreeing with him I still had my vews and my ways of doing things . When anyone is putting you down or making fun of you . Do not respond. . Some times my husband would say , Well arn't you goine say anything. I would say. NO! You have your ideas and I have mine . There is nothing to argue about.. I will do it my way and you will do it your way You have the right to your opinion and i have the right to mine. We will never see eye to eye on very much of anything and I am not going to spend a life time in a argument or explaing my ways and my thinking . I think men just have the idea that they have to be in control of everything.They want to be the big know it all big shot. Once my husband ask me why I went out the back way to go into town. I said I wanted to see what the drive was like and see it was faster or longer and if I liked going that way better. He said all you had to do is ask me. Well my dear I did not want your opinion or your two cents worth of in put. I wanted to find out for my self. And I did find out that I like that way better than going the other way. He just shook his head in disbelief . He thinks everything needs to be faster with no light or stop signs and there needs to be a fast highway and to heck with the view of beautiful gardens and homes along the way. I like a slow relaxing beautiful drive not a race track. I do not mind explaining why I do someting but I am not going to explain it everytime I do it. It is just the way I do them. I am very sorry that my way upsets you. but your way upsets me too.
I think that there are some times we are more ready to defend our view and ideas that other times. But if we stiop trying to make the lame brain men who just do not get it, understand. I do not really care if my husband or anyone laughs at me or ever calls me name or make some hartless remarck .I do not respond . I do not let them get my goat. I would tell my husband if it will make you feel like a big strong man to call me names and make fun of me go right ahead I am not listening to you anyway. I am not sayig that I always controled myself and never argued but I will say this he found out he really did not want to start an arguement with me. It did not pay to make fun of me. . I can't tell you how many times I let him make a big fool or a big donkey's butts out of him self in front of other people. I did not have to say much he would open his big mouth and then it would happen he was a donkey butt all by him self.

Honestly, he sound abusive.

Demeaning you, humiliating you, making fun of your mother. Deflecting it. Blaming you.

Classic abuse.

You deserve to be treated properly. Everyone does. no one should shame you and then blame you.

I hope things go better, you were right to be upset, you should be. He was cruel to you and owes you an apology. Maybe he needs to get some help for abusing you. It sounds like an issue in your relationship

he came back before i got home....

he had a whole attitude change. all of a sudden so nice to me. later he apologized for everything....
i told my mom what it is he did and at 1st she was fumed and sad. but then when he came home all nice and apologetic, she said she wanted us to stay together and fix things.

he did see his psychologist while he was gone.... i don't know if that got his mind right?? maybe so....but he's been hugging me constantly and kissing me all over.... he said he wouldnt say anything like that again, that he was wrong and his arrogance got in the way.

dump his ass.

I would put rat poison in his drink and watch him die.

His behavior is classic abuse. Next time he gets mad, he will have an outburst, say abusive things, cool off and say he is sorry, baby I love you...blah blah blah. You need to see this cycle of abuse for what it is and get out before it gets worse.

The fact that your mother is not telling you that would leave one to believe perhaps she has been in abusive relationships. If not, she should certainly be telling you to R...U...N

just looked at your post again....just know that if he goes back to verbally abusing you in the future and then "makes up" and doesn it again etc. he is in the beginning phases of the cycle of abuse and the next step is physical abuse....it always begins with the verbal first and the "make up" is really a way to manipulate the person back into their control. If he is sincere then great but I just wanted to give you the info I got from my domestic violence training in case you need it later on. Stay safe and be happy!

He needs yo get over you watching your tv shows. It shouldn't be grounds for a fight, thats just nonsense. As far as his rude comments, I would tell him to go away if he says stuff like that again, either that or tell him to learn to watch what he says.

thanks all!
we had a long talk the other night... about EVERYTHING from back 3 years ago to today.
i told him abuot what you all said here and that it IS abusive. his head hung low and he got really quiet... he keot staring down at the floor.

i told him that i know he is fighting depression but that doesn't give him the excuse to treat me that way. we talked for a while... for hrs i think.

trust me... he knows that i won't take anymore shit. we are both former Marines and i guess that's why the "ugly side" tends to come out from us both.
you can read more in my journal if you want....

he sees his psych every week now for therapy. good thing. i really think it's helping him.

and if he even ever raises a hand to me... oh boy, a really ugly side of me may come out. he's seen fragments of it before, and does NOT want to ever see it again.

No one should ever tell you what you can and can not do unless you are harming yourself or someone else. This guy is not your husband. If your mom lives with you, she probably heard the whole thing. I dont like it when people have arguements and they draw on the past to input things just to hurt you. If you get into a permenant relationship with this guy, it will get worse. People only treat us as we allow them. Why did you ask this guy to come into your life?

i haven't seen that behavior in him since. but if there is a cycle that shows, trust me i will end it.

we have been together for 3 years. he has helped me so much at home with things i can't do. but more than that, he loves me more than he shows his ugly side. he is working on it and is doing his best.

docs dxd him with possible PTSD from the 2 combat deployments. we started dating before he went to Iraq.

trust me, if i see anymore of "abusive" behavior, it is over. but so far i haven't seen anymore. yes he gets mad and has trouble with anger, but he is taking therapy to calm down and it is working from what i can see. he realized he was taking it out on me before, but he doesn't do it anymore So FAR.

Sounds like he is verbally abusing you with his words. I would try to talk to him about how he makes you feel. My husband does that to me, but I don't respond to his antics even though I feel he is crazy too! I'm filing for my ssd and my lawyer told me not to make any move on my situation, let him move on it first...so I'm like a lion waiting on prey! But I hope you and your husband can work things out!

i told him all about how it makes me feel and how wrong it is of him to act that way or to discount my points and opinions. that you don't treat someone you love that way.

he said he was sorry and won't do that to me anymore. that he can't stand the thought of losing me. if our relationship failed, he'd probably kill himself (he said), cuz he doesn't have any other reason to live. he said he hates life and is trying to change that. and that he enjoys every moment with me and that's all he's got.

i really pray for him that he sees life in a different light one day. we've all been thru bad struggles in life, and usually get stronger. although, he tries to convince me that he's not strong enough mentally. i see something different in him, and that he hasn't tapped into his full potential. i've seen it from day one, and i told him this. he is a lot stronger than he allows himself to think he is.