Anger Management Support Group
Anger management commonly refers to therapeutic techniques by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce their emotions. Typical examples include the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means to relaxation. Psychologists recommend a balanced approach, which both controls the emotion and allows it to express itself in a healthy way.
New to this board - hoping to get some insight as to how not to snap.
In short, I was married for 14 years as of this past Monday May 28th. I left my husband in Nov 20, 2011 because our fights were getting horrible and I feared for my safety. Since our separation, I learned -
1) Between May 2011 and Jun3 2011 - he started an affair with a woman who was engaged to be married June 25th 2011. Using our mortgage money to rent hotel rooms for their sexual encounters.
2) The woman did in fact go thru with her marriage.
3) Nov 11, 2011 - she kicked her newlywed husband out of the house.
4) Nov 13, 2011 - moved my husband in. (My husband claimed he was staying with his mother to save gas because we lived so far away from his job)
5) April 1, 2012 - my husband moved his new girlfriend and her 3 boys into my house, then asked me to sign it over to him with no pay out.
6) Then the woman quit her job and now my husband is supporting her and her three kids (two of which are over the age of 21).
So I uprooted my life for this man because I thought we needed space due to the intense fighting and then find out he was having an affair. Then he moves her in my house and wants me so give everything to him for nothing.
How do I get thru the pure hatred and anger I carry day in and day out? I am so angry at my 13 year old daughter for wanting to spend time with her daddy? When she does, I snap at her before she leaves and when she walks back in the door. I have vissions on ramming my 2010 mustang into his prize possession, (his 2008, Dover Downs special edition) pick up truck. Or even plowing him down. This is not healthy. Counseling helps but not always enough. Counting 10 doesn't even work. So I talk walks. The more I walk the angrier I get. How do I let go of the anger. Please help me.
My story goes so much deeper but I am trying to keep this short and not doing a very good job of it. Check out my journals, they may help.
In short, I was married for 14 years as of this past Monday May 28th. I left my husband in Nov 20, 2011 because our fights were getting horrible and I feared for my safety. Since our separation, I learned -
1) Between May 2011 and Jun3 2011 - he started an affair with a woman who was engaged to be married June 25th 2011. Using our mortgage money to rent hotel rooms for their sexual encounters.
2) The woman did in fact go thru with her marriage.
3) Nov 11, 2011 - she kicked her newlywed husband out of the house.
4) Nov 13, 2011 - moved my husband in. (My husband claimed he was staying with his mother to save gas because we lived so far away from his job)
5) April 1, 2012 - my husband moved his new girlfriend and her 3 boys into my house, then asked me to sign it over to him with no pay out.
6) Then the woman quit her job and now my husband is supporting her and her three kids (two of which are over the age of 21).
So I uprooted my life for this man because I thought we needed space due to the intense fighting and then find out he was having an affair. Then he moves her in my house and wants me so give everything to him for nothing.
How do I get thru the pure hatred and anger I carry day in and day out? I am so angry at my 13 year old daughter for wanting to spend time with her daddy? When she does, I snap at her before she leaves and when she walks back in the door. I have vissions on ramming my 2010 mustang into his prize possession, (his 2008, Dover Downs special edition) pick up truck. Or even plowing him down. This is not healthy. Counseling helps but not always enough. Counting 10 doesn't even work. So I talk walks. The more I walk the angrier I get. How do I let go of the anger. Please help me.
My story goes so much deeper but I am trying to keep this short and not doing a very good job of it. Check out my journals, they may help.
I think feeling angry is the second step in the grieving process (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance). You have every right to feel angry about the betrayal and break-up. You do have a choice in how you handle your anger, though, especially with your daughter.
I did read some of your journal and I do not understand the part about her refusing to live in the house, but now visits him there? I can see where that would be extremely frustrating. Maybe you should have some family therapy as well for you and your daughter.
I can recommend The Sedona Method, which teaches about feeling the feelings and then releasing them. You can say "no" to "Could I release this feeling?" The other thing is, if you can start focusing on where you are going instead of replaying the bad stuff in your head over and over, that will help. Usually when I am feeling anger over and over, it is because I keep my thoughts focused on what is bringing on the anger. When I distract myself, the thoughts stop and therefore the feelings stop.
May I suggest that you do not fight the feelings or try to repress them, though? Whenever I try to stop my feelings, I end up giving myself a headache.
Hugs,
Shar
As is asked to other people. Is there a counselor you can go to or is that something you would not be able to afford.
You clearly have a serious problem a man you wanted to have a life with who truly took advantage and wounded your trust to the Nth DEGREE !
I'm very sorry and hope that someway things will improve over time.