I totally understand where you are comomg from. I wanted to have a great yesterday because of Christmas. But, I suddenly felt stress that I had been holding in. I got really angry. I held it in and became very quiet. As right now I have no advice. For this I am sorry. I just wanted you to know you are not alone with these feelings.

Thats kind of what I do. Its safer to expeiance anger... because other emotions may not feel as empowering... and you will be vulnerable. I have also noticed that because I am so used to just doing things by myself, that I usually just get angry with people that I am close too... for not doing something that I want them to do.

Wow, Bluespide... I think you and I could have been twins in a past life. That's exactly the way I feel. It's like I'm so sick of being hurt that I try not to allow myself to feel hurt anymore.. I just get really angry to protect myself. I don't really know how to let my guard down.

I know that you feel like you 'don't know how to stop it'... but the truth is... now that you have arrived at this realization, you are on your way to learning to stop it. let that count for something. Its actually a really huge step. From here, what you need to do is just continue to examine yourself honestly, and you will start to recognize those moments arising, and you will learn new ways to own them. Anger has its root in fear... and all negative emotions can quickly shift to fear of vulnerability. As you learn to recognize whats happening, you will learn how to stop yourself sooner and sooner, how to reverse yourself, and how to lessen the intensity. It will take time, and patience, and it won't always be comfortable. It will require you to own up to what is happening, and perhaps learn how to express the TRUE emotions that bring the anger out more honestly and openly, making yourself vulnerable, and causing you to muster the courage to do it even though its scary.

One thing that you might want to be careful for in the process... if you find yourself realizing that a particular episode of explosive anger was initiated by, say, a moment of fear of rejection... when you own up to it and confess it to whomever you've offended, you mustn't make it out to be an excuse for the behavior. There is a difference between understanding the deeper emotions and using them as a means to validate the anger response, subtley justifying it as if its now ok. know what I mean? just food for thought.

you'll get there. and it will be arduous. expect it to be and there won't be so many surprises or discouragements.

only u can control it and thats what u need to do. when u feel angry, instead of showing it, have a conversation in your head. argue with yourself, your anger. Ask yourself why u feel like that at the moment.

Crys, you seem to be in the right place. Anger/rage can be the "emotion of choice" for me when something else might be going in...like fear, confusion, vulnerability, etc. It is what I have learned to express instead, and I'm really having to take a deep look at that. I had an older brother who taught me the finer points of how to mock, be sarcastic, rage without being violently abusive, etc. So I learned from the master. However, it is time to put those weapons down. They do not work anymore.

I do want to say that anger has its purpose, and I recognize that if no one ever had anger about the way people treat each other inhumanely, we would still be in a very primitave society. However, I'd be willing to bet that over 90% of anger is not of that variety. Just my two cents worth today.

Oh, and one more thing: The holidays themselves provide an exquisite number of triggers. Take care of yourself.

Thanks everyone, all of your posts were really insightful... they've given me a lot to think about...