Anger Management Support Group

Anger management commonly refers to therapeutic techniques by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce their emotions. Typical examples include the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means to relaxation. Psychologists recommend a balanced approach, which both controls the emotion and allows it to express itself in a healthy way.

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sinclair79 01/10/2018

Hey,

I'm not sure if this belongs here. Most likely. I just need to write it out.

I lost my shit at my kids today and I feel horrible. I'm a single dad and my kids are 7 & 9 and I have them 50%.

I have historically had a bad temper. Slow to get there, but when I do it can be like BANG. I have been working really hard on being mindful of how I'm feeling and talking to my kids rather than just going straight to anger and aggression. It's been good and I think I've been doing great.

This morning, before I even got out of bed my kids woke me up 4 times before my alarm went off. When I don't get enough sleep I become a complete asshole. They wake up at around 6am which is an hour before my alarm. When they wake up, I usually hear them and close my door, no biggie. This morning my oldest wakes me up and asked me if I had wrapped a gift that he wants to give to a school friend, no biggie. Next my youngest came in just as I fell back to sleep to ask if he could sleep in my bed this coming weekend when they're here next, also no biggie, but I was starting to feel frustrated and asked if we could talk about it when I got out of bed.

Next, about 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, my youngest came in again and wanted to ask me a question and I lost my shit on him. This isn't the first time that I have lost my shit when they wouldn't stop waking me up. I feel horrible, I literally screamed at him and he started bawling (who wouldn't). After I got up and lectured them on not waking me up so often in the morning before my alarm.

At this point I was way too worked up to go back to sleep, so I stayed up, had a shower, cooled off and then apologised to both of them for how angry I got and how wrong and inappropriate it was.

I've been under a lot of stress lately. I'm trying to quit smoking and I'm on day 3 of not smoking, I haven't had a lot of sleep over the last few nights, and last week I lost a work contract that was my main income.

I think the most frustrating part is I've been doing really great at keeping my cool and then this happens. I feel like I don't deserve my kids and that they would be better off without me.

I'm really feeling shitty these days and I'm not sure how to handle it. I know I should talk to someone, but cost to see a therapist is very expensive.

Anyway, I just needed to get it out there.

emlcoach 01/10/2018

You've been making an effort to stay calm and I think that's beautiful. It's okay, there will be times when you slip and fall back into old patterns but staying mindful of the physical sensations that arise when youre feeling frustrated can keep you from becoming pulled into the frustration itself. Try to passively observe yourself throughout the day, bring awareness to your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The more you passively observe them is the more you may come into the realization that these thoughts, emotions, fear, anger, jealousy worry etc. are all transient, at is You, the silent observer of this drama of life that is the permanent essence behind it all. If you would like to discuss this with someone feel free to add me and send me a message Id be glad to help.

sinclair79 01/10/2018

Thanks for the kind words I really needed to hear that. I'm way overtired and me not getting enough sleep is often the root of most of my anger and aggression issues.

I just know what it's like to have a raging father. Both my dad and my step dad were like that (more so my step dad) and I know that this is not who I want to become.

I started journaling my emotions and outbursts as suggested by a book I read called Anger-Free.

I may take you up on that offer. I definetly feel like I lack support right now and any would be appreciated.

momonthego2019 01/13/2018

Hi Sinclair79. Guess what?! I applaud your honesty, I applaud, you trying to quit smoking, and I applaud you for taking care of your kids. You are not perfect. I grew up in a very volatile, angry, household and so of course when I had kids and even in relationships, I often took my frustration and anger out on my husband and kids. It has almost cost me my marriage. I got to a point where I wouldn't make excuses for my actions and instead, I turned my life to God where to this day he is still working on me. I have come a very very long way, but sometimes I still miss it and I lose my temper. It is not as often as it used to be but I feel that one time is too many. I allow myself to be imperfect and I realize that I the fact that I am aware of my weakness shows how much I care about myself and my children. You may be able to find a counselor or therapist who can offer sliding fees or if you are up to it, talk to a pastor at a church. Kids grow up so fast and if they are only with you 50% of the time, try to make your time with them special. It doesn't mean you can't discipline them if they do something wrong and it doesn't mean you can't scold them within reason. You just don't want to take your anger or frustrations out on them. Take it one day at a time. When you mess up, just forgive yourself, genuinely apologize to your kids if you need to and then, forget about it. You will get through this. I wish you all the best of luck in all you do.

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