Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
Its just 4-30pm as the sun starts descending over the horizon when lethargy takes a grasp of me and the Sundowning affect tolls the knell of my end of day so Im writing this down trying to express the depths of my true inner feelings at that exact moment in time.
My whole body aches as the muscles try to maintain some equilibrium and as we go for our walk every faltering step I take being like that of wearing shoes made from concrete thats slowly setting and intensifying in weight, so I weigh heavily on my walking stick and Sumis arm otherwise I feel I could just pass out from utter exhaustion as my mind is consumed in a dense cloud of disorientation and confusion, my limbs are trembling so much I dont know what to do with them to ease the tremor my vision has become blurred as my eyes feel heavy wanting to sleep and escape from the suns draining sensation, so Sumi tries talking to me to take my mind of the horizon as my eyes have become mesmerized following the suns descent and harsh rays but I cant comprehend what shes saying, I try to reply but any form of words and speech are held tight within me so all I do is mumble something incoherent which then makes me frustrated and I become really irritated and tetchy with her, the slightest little noise is more like thunderbolts slamming into my ears and mind making me very anxious and extremely jumpy.
The further the sun sinks away the further I go into despair of doom and gloom and sometimes it gets me to the point of saying to Sumi (Ive had enough of this maybe it would be better if it all ended now and I did not wake up again) as I can almost sense death waiting round the corner taunting me when in this daily living hell of Sundowning, I can see the tears glistening and running down her cheeks as she holds on more tightly to me saying please dont speak like that but I seem to be oblivious to her own anguish as my whole being is so distraught by the time of day that I just want to come to an end.
As I said those where my exact feelings made from notes last evening, but as I type them out this morning I have little recollection of that moment in time its as if it never existed as this morning I feel a completely different person still full of determination and the spirit of fighting this terrible illness, but when Sundowning strikes it takes us into a completely different world of anxiety within dementia.
Barry
http://www.simplesite.com/BarrysAlzheimers
My whole body aches as the muscles try to maintain some equilibrium and as we go for our walk every faltering step I take being like that of wearing shoes made from concrete thats slowly setting and intensifying in weight, so I weigh heavily on my walking stick and Sumis arm otherwise I feel I could just pass out from utter exhaustion as my mind is consumed in a dense cloud of disorientation and confusion, my limbs are trembling so much I dont know what to do with them to ease the tremor my vision has become blurred as my eyes feel heavy wanting to sleep and escape from the suns draining sensation, so Sumi tries talking to me to take my mind of the horizon as my eyes have become mesmerized following the suns descent and harsh rays but I cant comprehend what shes saying, I try to reply but any form of words and speech are held tight within me so all I do is mumble something incoherent which then makes me frustrated and I become really irritated and tetchy with her, the slightest little noise is more like thunderbolts slamming into my ears and mind making me very anxious and extremely jumpy.
The further the sun sinks away the further I go into despair of doom and gloom and sometimes it gets me to the point of saying to Sumi (Ive had enough of this maybe it would be better if it all ended now and I did not wake up again) as I can almost sense death waiting round the corner taunting me when in this daily living hell of Sundowning, I can see the tears glistening and running down her cheeks as she holds on more tightly to me saying please dont speak like that but I seem to be oblivious to her own anguish as my whole being is so distraught by the time of day that I just want to come to an end.
As I said those where my exact feelings made from notes last evening, but as I type them out this morning I have little recollection of that moment in time its as if it never existed as this morning I feel a completely different person still full of determination and the spirit of fighting this terrible illness, but when Sundowning strikes it takes us into a completely different world of anxiety within dementia.
Barry
http://www.simplesite.com/BarrysAlzheimers
Thank you for sharing. Please continue to help us understand. Maybe we can help you understand the role of the caregiver. Stay with us.
Thanks for the replies and Im glad this Blog has helped understanding a bit more about Sundowning; I was diagnosed just over (Five and a half years ago) to which some people say Oh youre at the half way point! but to be very honest I dont even think about the stages of my illness as that would take me down the roadway of Doom and Gloom, so I concentrate all my efforts in fighting the illness and trying to help my fellow sufferers
http://www.simplesite.com/BarrysAlzheimers
Barry
Thanks for your reply as Im always pleased when I hear that some of the topics I write about that effect me so much are of help to other people in better understanding what some sufferers just cant explain simply because of this terrible illness
Barry
My website: http://www.simplesite.com/BarrysAlzheimers
Thanks again!