Hi everyone,

Well as January 2011 inches towards its climax it also marks the Sixth Anniversary with my capricious bedfellow and I find myself pondering as just where those six years have gone to since I heard those fateful words from my doctor (Sorry Mr. Barry, but you have mixed dementia with Alzheimers) and the sound of those words still echo out in my thoughts each day and I start to wonder just how many other people have heard those exact words in these past six years which Im sure must run into the thousands, and then the sudden realization that you have to try and adapt to the whole new way of daily life that any type of Dementia brings with it that can cause us all meaning both sufferer and spouse alike to have more highs and lows than the Pyrenees mountains

But now when I try to recollect over my past six years I have little recollection of whats been happening, the only way I can tell is to read the notes in my daily diary and when doing just that it horrifies me as to the many changes that have taken place within my being and my personality where and what has devoured at the once placid man that had immense confidence in himself, who could stand unfalteringly for hours in front of a vast audience lecturing and demonstrating about his profession as a Master Baker and Confectioner, who could answer any technical questions on that given subject and demonstrate the skills within his hands that once man has now become a quivering wreck that shies away from any direct human contact due to his inability to clearly communicate as a result of the Alzheimers and sits fighting with the computer each and every day trying to find the words now lost within his brain

As we all know its an illness that can destroy the heart, soul and spirit of a person yet we must not acquiesce to its relentless bombardment of bewilderments at our being, we must stay as steadfast as is possible, and for as long as possible, everyday fighting our way through a density of clouds in the mind.

NO its not easy and there have been days over the past six years when Ive said Ive had enough of this life not just with regards to my own anxiety but because of all the anxiety it causes my dear wife Sumi who at the best of times feels helpless as to knowing just how to help me Ive said this before, but I will say it again for those of us with this terrible illness our days will slowly diminish beyond comprehension, but for our spouse the torment goes on beyond our demise and one thing I know for sure is that without my darling Sumi at my side to support me, then I dont know what I would do... so for Sumis sake , my children, and my grandchildren I will keep on staunchly fighting until the heavenly clouds of God come to carry me away.

Barry