I think they all know your number... but you don't want any "woulda, coulda, shoulda feelings popping up later.

Contact them ONCE... with a short message about Rollie's current
status. Note the date in your journal.

Then go on with things. You have done your part.

I totally agree with Jamr41
Bally5

I started this once and lost it, so if you get a partial message, you will know what happened. I agree with Jamr41 also. As tempting as it is to not let them know anything, you don't want to reduce yourself to their level and like Judy said, they can't come back and say you coulda, shoulda. When I send emails of updates to my hubby's kids, I put them in a separate folder that I call "keepers" along with any replies I might get from them. Just in case. then you can look at yourself in the mirror in the morning. I wonder if they can?

Deb, I agree with Judy as well. Once is enough. Give them a total update without any sugar coating and then IF THEY CARE ENOUGH, let them get back to you to check on his condition. I would keep a record of the date you contacted them and keep any emails, letters or record of phone calls should they occur.

It is not your job to update them.........it is their son and brother. I truly understand your situation. My hubby's mother got mad at him/me when we didn't visit on Easter. He had gotten out of the hospital the day before and had a spinal headache. I called to let her know we wouldn't be able to make it and I could tell she was angry...........she had six other kids who would be visiting with their families. My hubby told me "don't you dare call her back.......if she cares enough she will call and check on me." I think he knew that she would never call back.

That Christmas my hubby went into a wheelchair. He never really saw his mother again. She never met our six grandchildren. She lived till age 95 and never made that phone call to check on her son. I used to try to encourage him to contact her until I began to realize how much happier he was without her mean spirited complaints about each of her children. You knew the minute you left her home she would be talking about you.l

He never shed a tear when she died. She was a cold German woman who once told us that if their had been birth control back in her time "the last six wouldn't have been born." Nice huh!

Our children were always encouraged to visit their Grandmother if they wished to do so but never did.

Fortunately, my Mom came to live with us a few years before she died and he got the experience of having a real loving Mom. When my Mom died he cried like a baby.

I think that we being caregivers assume that everyone has a conscience and would feel badly when they lose a family member. With some people it is just all about them. You will see them at the funeral crying and carrying on when they couldn't bother to call or visit or offer to help in any way.

Wish I could be there to give you a hug........Jeanmarie

Hugs to you.......

"Ditto". Give them the opportunity of knowing what is going on. What they do with that opportunity is entirely up to them.
Good luck,
Love to you,
Sharon

Ditto..once, do it for you, not them...
hugs

Deborah, it is sad to hear.
I don't know what happens to family. Don't they know they will be old and in need one day and they would wish to have someone to visit them.
You call them and tell them how disapointed you are with them and tell them one day they will find out how it feels to be forgotten.

I so agree with, so sad and tired. You have enough on your plate without being concerned about selfish people that have shown how much they dont care. As you said, they have your number, youve done your part in letting them know how he is. Let it go, and DONT feel guilty. Hugs and prayers.

Thank you all for your comments and advice, i will send a letter, keep a copy and then I will be done. I believe that I will be able to look myself in the mirror and KNOW I did everything I could. Thanks.

The letters are in the mail. I wrote each one their own and was very blunt. I explained his current status. I told them that I consider him my hero, due to his deeds to me and to our country. I told them that I love him and will be caring for him to the very end. I wrote the dates and times of their last contacts. I expressed that he does not deserve their neglect. I told them how to contact us. BUT mostly, I closed with,

"This is the last time I will contact you. If I do not hear from you, I PROMISE you will not hear from me again- no matter what happens."

Excellent............now relax, take a deep breath........you have certainly done more than your part. The rest is up to them.........hugs.....Jeanmarie

Good job... you have done your part.
Relax.. feel good.

Good girl!