I felt extremely teary as soon as I read Judy's post. Sad for Judy, Ron, me my Ron, all of us in this awful leaky boat.

There is no ok in this, not during, not after, nothing about any of it is ok. At all. Now I'm really crying for all of it, for all of us.....

I never felt a greater love for Ron than when he was taking his last
gasps before his death.
Although I had began grieving his loss years ago - it was nothing compared to those last moments.

As much as I had prayed for Ron's release from Alzheimer's... as much as it was needed ... it was still the hardest, most gut-wrenching thing I have ever experienced.

In the days and especially hours and minutes before he died.. I told him over and over how much I appreciated him, loved him and thanked him for a wonderful life... how sorry I was it had to end like this... but was happy his suffering would soon be over.

If knowing the emptiness you will feel when it is over for you.. helps you find the strength to carry on with your loved one.. then I am happy to share my experience with you all.

Judy, thank you for what you said

I was teary too, and a little now. I think it's more about you, Judy. You're such an incredible person and I'm so glad I've me you! I know what you mean about loving him just before he died. I was divorced from my husband for 10 years, 5 of which we didn't communicate at all. I was with him when he died and I'm glad I had the chance to be with him for his last month. I realized I never stopped loving him.....really......just couldn't live with him. I loved him as he was dying probably more then when we were first married.

Oh, Judy, this is all so familiar....takes me back to when my mother died, four years ago yesterday. We sat round the clock with her for those last couple of days....she was induced into a chemical coma due to pain, and it was just a room with people in it and Mom taking deep, even, very heavy breathing....like clockwork, tick tock the time has come. We spent the last two days talking into her ear and telling her everything we possibly could want her to know, we took turns sitting and holding her hands, I took my time to memorize her arms, hands, legs, by gentlly going over her with my hands softly. I can still remember it all. When she finally went two days later, at 8:12 a.m., my sister had been sitting with her, holding her head and stroking her cheek, looking into her eyes and talking softly to her. We were watching, right there. Then I saw her chin move, and I started to say to my sister, "Look, she's trying to tell you something! Lookd!" There was a soft sigh, and my sister looked up and said, "I think she's gone". I said, "No, no, her chin is still moving", My sister said, "no, Becky, that's the tongue thrusting up into the mouth, her pupils are fixed and dialated, she is gone. I moved directly to her head, placed one hand on top of it, and raised the other to God, and said, "Thank you, Jesus, for taking her home and for helping her to avoid the pancreatic cancer....help her to have a safe, easy transition." .I;ve been grieving ever since.

Becky

I am so grateful for my belief in "life after death" because I think it makes the separation so much easier. You know that you will be together again. With Alzheimer's, you not only lose the man you loved and married, but you also lose the man that became the child you cared for which is more often than not a very long time. I find myself so full of emotion most of the time, I cannot sort myself out. It has all become so very unsettling.

yup, been crying for 3 days now, mixed with anger

I wish I could actually spend some time with you Deborah, I so hear you!

me too, it sure is rough sometimes, I wish I could just go have a cup of tea with you.

Judy your words are always helpful even at a time like this when you are grieving..you are an amazing woman. i wish we could "all" meet and have tea together and just BE! We all just instinctively know how eachother feels. Luv you all

Do you all remember a few weeks ago - when a member of my face to face support groups husband died ? I was terribly upset.. very tearful. I was happy for her and him that it was over... but the feeling
that kept creeping in was envy. As much as I hated myself for feeling it.. it was THERE. Some of those tears were for my guilty feelings that I envied her.

If any of you are feeling that now... I think it is OK and normal.
Who wouldn't want this over ? Who wouldn't want their suffering over ? Who wouldn't like to get out of the limbo we live in ?
It's OK.

Agreed. And that's why we need you,. I feel it all the time but I don't particularly like the person I'm caring for. I love her since she's my mother but I certainly don't like her.

Yes, Judy, that is a part of what I am feeling, almost like, isn't she lucky and then it is followed by, "How could I think something so terrible?"

Thanks for helping acknowledge that.

Yes, Judy, that is a part of what I am feeling, almost like, isn't she lucky and then it is followed by, "How could I think something so terrible?"

Thanks for helping acknowledge that.