Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
Starting from the beginning. I am 20 years old and I am caring for my 82 year old grandmother who was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. For the past couple of years I have seen the diagnosis coming, but I couldn't get my family or her doctors to take me seriously. Finally, they tested her and sure enough we got the diagnosis. When we first found out my grandfather and I had a plan of how to take care of her, but he suddenly passed away this past March. His death sent my grandmother into a downward spiral, and her behavior has gotten worse.. Everyday we have arguments, whether it's about medication or getting her to eat. We fight about money (We are on a fixed income, so every penny has to be accounted for). My grandmother doesn't know she has Alzheimer's Disease because my family is afraid it would send her into a deeper depression. She's very vocal, and doesn't see me as an adult. To her I am her little girl (my grandmother and grandfather adopted me when I was three years old, when my mom died from Multiple Sclerosis and my dad abandoned me) I just don't know how to handle eveything. I am depressed myself, and I don't think I get adequate support from my family. My uncle is in denial. My aunt takes her to her doctor appointments and will try to appease some of the arguments, but she tells me to suck it up because she lived with my grandmother until she was 24, and according to my aunt, my grandmother hasn't changed much. And my cousins barely come around. My grandmother is between stage 4 and 5 of her disease, and I just don't know how to handle her. She accuses me of trying to control her, when I simply make suggestions or am trying to help her. I just can't imagine life being like this all the time. I was wondering how other people cope, or if this happened to other families. I feel so lost without my grandfather, and I feel like a failure because I don't do anything right for my aunt. Any help?
Welcome to this site, I hope you can find support and help here. There are a lot of folks who know what you are going though and who have a lot of experience to share with you. We are sorry you have to be here, but are glad you found this site.....
I am SO sorry for this awful experience which is happening in your life. You are far too young to have to face any let alone all of what you talk about.
And I mean that seriously. You cannot and I think SHOULD NOT be handling any of this on your own.
THe ADULTS in the family...presumably your aunt and uncle and possibly some others need to step up. And you may need to tell them this.
There are many legal and financial things that will need to be dealt with. I strongly suggest that the ADULTS see an Elder Care attorney around your grandmother's financial and legal status and well being.
There will need to be someone appointed as Durable Power of Attorney to handle the financial interests of your grandmother. And someone needs to become a Health Care Proxy for her for medical decisions. This should NOT be you. I am not even sure if i your state your age would allow any of these legal statuses to be put on you. There will need to be care arrangements well beyond what is currently in place.
As far as the arguing..... most of us find it is better to avoid arguing with an Alzheimer's person......try not to tell her anything, try to redirect her attention. There is NO" winning".
I do not know the living arrangements in your family, but it is, I my opinion, not you at all who should feel like a failure. It is the adults who need to step up and take care of their mother AND help you. Honestly it makes me so angry they would leave any of this weight on you. OF COURSE you feel depressed. If you think you cannot handle the depression, you can talk with your doctor.....
I am so sorry you are in this terrible situation. Come here as often as you wish and need, we will try to suggest what our experience indicates.....
hugs.....
For someone so young, I think you are doing well. First, I am much older but I am taking care of my husband and it's a challenge all right. I have reached out for help but it's slow in coming. However, I would suggest you contact your Council on Aging. They have been a good source for me and your Grandmother would qualify, I believe.
Respite care and home keeping a little.
I would have a conversation with the Dr. and see what he can do for you, as well.
It's difficult for some people to admit that a loved one has this disease. But that does not excuse them from not helping you. I would tell your Aunt and Uncle that if they can't help then they will have to live by your decisions on the matter. Period.
Also, if you have a friend see if they can come stay with you to help you get a little rest.
Your Grandmother is blaming you and that is typical of this disease, but it doesn't mean it's not hard or hurtful. I tell my husband that age is NOT his friend, but I am. I don't know if this will work for you.
I do feel for you, Hon, and hope you find help soon. I have found just being on here and voicing your concerns helps.