Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
I have posted here before but as you all know with this terrible disease, things don't getter better,..they progress and get worse.
I am having a very tough time trying to help my mother who is the caregiver of my father with Alzheimer's. Things seem to be getter worse and not better. I understand the disease progresses..and FAST. But, I was just hoping there is SOMETHING my mother can do (?!?!)
The biggest issue right now is time of day, day of week and appointments. My father INSISTs on going to church every single day. And sometimes even gets up in the middle of the night (2:00 am), gets dressed, has breakfast and simply insists on going!
He recently had his driver's license taken away. That is taking a toll on him. But, it's worse for my Mom. As she is the one who has to drive him everywhere. And when she says "no" during the week or middle of the night..my Dad gets extremely angry and the two of them end up in a fight. My mom has called me in hysterics a number of times.
Is there anything,..ANYTHING at all she can do to convince him it's not time to go to church. Or that's it's the middle of the night. That it's Tuesday. That it's May. That the kids are NOT coming over today?????
Any help would be greatly appreciated. As a daughter with a child of my own..this is very hard to witness. And I just want to help.
Thanks,
Kim
I am having a very tough time trying to help my mother who is the caregiver of my father with Alzheimer's. Things seem to be getter worse and not better. I understand the disease progresses..and FAST. But, I was just hoping there is SOMETHING my mother can do (?!?!)
The biggest issue right now is time of day, day of week and appointments. My father INSISTs on going to church every single day. And sometimes even gets up in the middle of the night (2:00 am), gets dressed, has breakfast and simply insists on going!
He recently had his driver's license taken away. That is taking a toll on him. But, it's worse for my Mom. As she is the one who has to drive him everywhere. And when she says "no" during the week or middle of the night..my Dad gets extremely angry and the two of them end up in a fight. My mom has called me in hysterics a number of times.
Is there anything,..ANYTHING at all she can do to convince him it's not time to go to church. Or that's it's the middle of the night. That it's Tuesday. That it's May. That the kids are NOT coming over today?????
Any help would be greatly appreciated. As a daughter with a child of my own..this is very hard to witness. And I just want to help.
Thanks,
Kim
I think you might talk to your fathers doctor about this. If he is waking a lot at night he might be willing to prescribe a sleep aide to keep him asleep all night. There are also some meds that can help keep them a bit more mellow but it seems like the dose has to be adjusted often.
You could also get some hints for your mom from one of the websites. Redirection often works better than arguing. "we can go to church at 7 am, look at the clock" Also having a big calendar where he can see it might help with day/month. And big clocks all over the house. It also helps to have new topics ready to use. Things like "your fav show is on tonight" "let's go have some ice cream" "can you help me do xxxx"
It's so hard on the caretaker. WHen my mom calls I listen and reassure her that it is the disease talking. And don't forget to tell your mom what a great job she is doing...we often focus on the patient and forget to talk to the caretaker. So ask her about her too.
I am sorry for all your loss. I know how hard and painful this can be.....
I think his physician's should be made aware of this. For one thing your mother cannot be awakened at night constantly and continue with caregiving......
has your father always been a religious person, or is this a new thing. is he perhaps somehow aware of the situation he is in and believe 'only god' can help him? What is he looking for with church? Perhaps if this was known the need might be addressed in a different way...?
an idea: Can the priest, minister or rabbi tell him not to come every day & take a calendar and circle it with the days to come in red...?
Because your father has a brain disease, it is highly unlikely your mother can convince him of anything that he becomes totally absorbed in 'believing'.....One concept that is advocated: "join, validate, distract" I don't know if that would help in this situation.
Has your mother been in touch with her local Alzheimer's Association? .....they have a lot of information and a national(I believe) 24 hour helpline.....
hugs....
I will emphasize the importance of trying to distract rather than trying to make them understand.....that WILL NOT happen. And arguing only makes more tension for them both.
Make sure his Dr. knows and get him something to make him sleep!
Hugs.......C
.For sure tell the doctor and get a sleep aid...your poor Mom is going to lose her mind coping with this on top of just basic care of him. It sounds like your Dad may need medication for extreme agitation and a once this starts it doesn't go away on its own. That is one problem I personally didn't face but many here have.
Changing the subject and redirecting will become a way of life in all aspects. I do think Tiggs idea of the calendar and marking SUNDAYS in yellow or something sounds like a good idea. (almost like you do with a child) Whatever works!!
I would also suggest getting your Dad registered with the MedicAlert program incase he decides to wander out on his own and get lost. Just as a precaution. Good luck and come here to vent and ask questions everyone wants to help. Hugs Sherri