Alcoholics have perfected the blame someone else game. They use little ploys to convince people "it is not their fault'.

It is a shame Rollie doesn't have the skills anymore to see through it.
But.. if speaking them makes him happy... I wouldn't stop it. Just forbid the drunken visits. THOSE affect you directly and you don't have to tolerate it or them.

Sigh... as if we don't have enough to deal with...

This sounds much like my sister in law, she comes to visit her mother once a week and takes her shopping and out for a couple of hours. We are with her 24/7 the rest of the time. She called her on the phone today and asked if she could come over and her daughter gave her a wicked lame excuse and said maybe next time, she didnt even come and visit her on her birthday. She came two days before and tried to kill two birds with one stone. It makes me so angry that she is my MIL and i take better care of her than her own daughter!

AD brings out the best or the worst in people. I hired on to take care of my lady, not the family dynamics, but, it seems this is part of the package. Maybe some of this is about us as women learning our boundries, learning how to say no and mean it, who knows all the lessons involved. But I send up prayers of gratitude for all of you that are taking care of family members without any help. And having your own families making noise in the background. Cyber hugs to you all.

Deborah, how much does Rollie remember? Does he get upset that he's being "ignored" in such a manner? Does he get upset when they don't see him often? How does it affect him directly? Does he become anxious and angry when they don't call?

What I'm thinking is that maybe he forgets he's being slighted. I hope so! On the reverse side, my mother forgets when people are nice to her, or remember her. I have to let her know she is being addressed by her sisters and grandchildren. She then will turn all that goodness around and tell me I'm lying because SHE can't remember.

I guess all we can do is the best we can. And one thing is for sure....... we don't need no drunks!

He is happy when they call him, which is rare, he enjoys talking with them on the phone during the conversation but the minute he hangs up he says something like, "they're not coming" and then is sad for several hours so yes, I think he does know he is being slighted but holds out a false hope that one day they will come. Most of the time he asks me to dial their number so he can talk to them so I do because I try to do what is right. This is just his mom and sister who live together. His kids haven't contacted him since July 10 of last year. He never speaks of them at all.

Today, I kept the light off by my desk/computer/phone area and sat on the couch next to him in the living room using a lap top instead. He didn't ask so I am hoping that by changing the routine a little he may forget to try to call them everyday.

Just want to say, if his family was nice to him, visited, etc I would welcome them in my home but since they aren't that is why I am trying to discourage contact. I don't want anyone to think I am being mean to my husband, especially new people on board who don't know that strugggles I have been having.

Ken's sister calls about once a month, but his brothers never call. Our children are the only ones that check on us now. I don't think anyone knows what to say to him. I think they are afraid that he won't remember them, so they avoid him. It is sad, because I think siblings should be more thoughtful with each other, but I guess I am sort of a "Pollyanna".

I am new to DS. I read through the posts and all the reply's and I can relate on all levels. My mother had early onset AD. She was diagnosed at age of 60 and is now 67. She lives about 4 hours from me and is in a nursing home about a block away from my sister. My step dad visits her everyday and so does my sister. I go as often as possible but of course it's not as much as I would like to. We are actually considereing moving her to my area because of the nursing home she is in may not be giving her the care we had hoped for. My mom is one of 12 children and most of her sibblings live in the same town. With the exception of 1 sister, the never visit. They are so selfish! I have heard "I just can't bare to see her like that". Wow! Imagine how my Mom feels. She asks for her family all of the time and we try to distract her, since we can not force them to visit. We have stopped calling them with updates and have basically copped the attitude of, "if you want or care to know, you pick up the phone or go to the nursing home and find out". There is no alcohol involved, just a lot of self centered, self serving" siblings. My mother was always there for all of them every time they needed her. I have learned that I can only control myself and even that is hard some days!