Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
One of the new things we have been dealing with are the moods. As in, bad ones. They come on randomly most of the time. Once my grandmother accused me of "deliberately making trouble" because I turned off the light in a room no one was in. A lot of times she is oblivious and can't always understand that she can't have something right away, or that she can't go outside because it is raining. Today we had a lot of those issues and finally she told me (while I was running her bath and getting her bed ready) that I'm awful to her and that i've been terrible all day. I got upset and because I was tired and had been dealing with this all day I told her that I'm doing my best but that doesn't seem to be enough for her. She just kept at it, saying I'm awful and crabby (and I probably was crabby). I told her that I do a lot to help her, all day and in the night too but she didn't want to hear it or couldn't understand. She finally said, in a nasty sarcastic voice that if it was too hard for me I didn't have to live here. Part of me knows she's just old and also has a horrible thing happening to her. The other part of me is so tired out and tired of being accused of being a bad person that I do just want to give up. I have heard that sometimes people like this do lash out, so I was wondering how others deal with it without just quitting?? Thanks and hugs to all.
But also she may need a bit of anti-anxiety meds or whatever from her doc...????
You can also choose to take a 'time out' in another room(go to the bathroom if you have to) to leave the negative/aggressive behavior towards you.......
I do think our loved ones tend to take things out on us...the feelings they are struggling with...as they have no one else usually...so we have to find what would work for us.....
Also, you may need more respite from her so that you can function...
Good luck...it is all hard.....
Telling them that you are doing a lot for them means nothing to them now. Instead tell her you will make the light better, you will take care of it and offer something in place of it like music or something for a treat.
Sometimes just walking away and giving yourself space gives them a time to calm down without getting INTO it.
It's just a tough road. Try different ways. I have to do that all the time. If it works great, if it doesn't I try something else or walk away for a time.
Arguing brings nothing but strain to you both and you can't win cuz they don't get it.
Best to you.
So be extra kind when she gets mean. This is probably a sign that she is more scared than ever. Consider this...if she were crying you would hug her right? Well the nasties is her way of crying for help. So give her a hug and tell her you love her. She probably can't control the outbursts but she will appreciate your show of affection even if she doesn't say so.
My mantra is that we each do what we feel needs to be done, not what the other person deserves or even wants. Your grandma needs you to care for her and reassure her that you will take care of her. Don't let the words that come out of her mouth stop you from doing what you know needs to be done.