Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
My mother who is 92 lives in Calif with her husband, now 93.
He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and symptoms are beginning to show. Some simple tasks like making coffee are suddenly out of reach. He is dependent on her, but I really don't know to what extent.
I'm going to be visiting in a few weeks and am planning to suggest we interview a couple of home care agencies who can be at the ready if needed. If Mom were to become incapacitated, it would be a crisis.
My situation is a little odd as my mother put me up for adoption as an infant. In 1999 I was able to locate her and have had a good relationship since. Even though her husband is not my father, I've come to respect him and feel bad for his declining condition. It took time, but he finally warmed up to me.
I suddenly find myself in the position of helping them as their independence wanes. I don't know how my suggestion will be received, but feel it's something I should bring up. Fortunately, I have some assistance from his niece, but she's also on the east coast. She may be visiting right after me, so if I can't pull it off, she may have more influence.
I'm beginning to assert myself more in their affairs for obvious reasons. I guess my concern is they will see it as meddling and might be resentful.
He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and symptoms are beginning to show. Some simple tasks like making coffee are suddenly out of reach. He is dependent on her, but I really don't know to what extent.
I'm going to be visiting in a few weeks and am planning to suggest we interview a couple of home care agencies who can be at the ready if needed. If Mom were to become incapacitated, it would be a crisis.
My situation is a little odd as my mother put me up for adoption as an infant. In 1999 I was able to locate her and have had a good relationship since. Even though her husband is not my father, I've come to respect him and feel bad for his declining condition. It took time, but he finally warmed up to me.
I suddenly find myself in the position of helping them as their independence wanes. I don't know how my suggestion will be received, but feel it's something I should bring up. Fortunately, I have some assistance from his niece, but she's also on the east coast. She may be visiting right after me, so if I can't pull it off, she may have more influence.
I'm beginning to assert myself more in their affairs for obvious reasons. I guess my concern is they will see it as meddling and might be resentful.
As a long-distance caregiver, you will need to locate people who live near your mother and her husband, who can provide help when you're not around. Speak to neighbors or people from their church, perhaps, who can check on them daily. My mother was eternally grateful for her dad's neighbor, who called her and reported that her dad was not acting "like himself." Contact a social services worker, through a local hospital or area agency on aging, who can put you in contact with other resources such as Meals on Wheels, health care and housekeeping providers. A lawyer or a CPA might be able to advise you on financial matters.
Good luck to you and your loved ones. I hope everything works out.
I agree you should talk it over with them and ask them to make a plan just in case.
Bless you for caring and wanting to help.
Hugs, Terry
I'm always a bit scared on these trips because I never know what I might find. Fortunately, I have an ally with his niece who just lost her mother who was suffering with dementia. I try my best to show my love and concern and not worry too much. I know he won't get better but pray for the best possible outcome given the circumstances.
You might want to look for a Care Manager. There are agencies that offer professionals who will handle things like medical visits and emergencies. They also will visit periodically and report back to you. It's like having a sister who lives near them.
I made my trip to Calif and was with my birth mom on Mother's Day. It was very special. We wrapped up some legal details including healthcare POA's which now designate myself for my mother and his niece for him. We had an opportunity to meet with a care manager. I wish Mom were more receptive to having her maybe check in with them once a month. She wasn't ready, so it was put off. All-in-all, it was productive even if a bit stressful. My impression is his Alzheimer's had progressed. I know it will get worse, question is, how quickly? I knew he recognized me, but don't think he knew my relationship.
My wife has been experiencing some bad back pain and has
been through three pain management treatments (injections) with no relief. It seems surgery may be necessary.
I've learned my mother is experiencing similar back pain and her doctor has referred her for pain management. I glad his niece will be visiting in a few weeks. I hoping she can accompany Mom to her first treatment. I hope she will respond as I don't know if surgery would be considered due to her advanced age.
We are doing the best we can. I'm been a bit stressed but will be taking more time for exercise and to relax so I can be my best.
I hope the summer finds everyone as well as they can be, meeting their challenges with courage and faith.
God Bless
If his niece can't ate mom to the doctor contact the care manager. That's what they do. And it's the perfect way to introduce her into moms life. Tell mom she can't go alone because they might do something that would prevent her from driving home. Also the care manager will be with her when she talks to the doctor so mom will have someone who knows what he is suggesting so she can talk it over with her after.
So happy to hear some good news!
I must say I think you are very good for undertaking this task and God bless your mother for living to age 92 and your stepfather as well. Day programs I feel are great. My mom is in one Monday through Friday. She doesn't talk much and needs assistance with am and pm care. She can still feed herself and can be incontinent and is in depends. The day program, works with her and her needs and welcome her to the program for as long as they can accommodate her and her needs. Have you thought about an assisted living place? That can be pricey I know in some areas. I have weekend 10 hour shift help of home attendants and one a retired nurse. They get her up in the am and they clean her up, take her for a walk or like today the attendant got her dressed up and I swung by and picked them up for church then dropped them off at my mother's house afterwards. My mom like yours lives with my step-father, but I really don't focus too much n him. My mom is 81 and he is 82. If you can find out about your mother's financial affairs now would be the time to do it. Are their step-sibblings involved. I will have you in my prayers along with your mom and step-father.