Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
Remember how I told you all that my in law's were this weekend and that my husband was/is depressed lately? Well, what I didn't tell you is that they are all alcoholics, MIL, SIL, BIL. They drank at least 20 beers each in 2 days plus two large bottles of wine. My MIL was so drunk she couldn't even walk and later that night we heard them screaming at each other in the trailer. So I put up with them because they're my husband family and I thought it was best not to make waves at this point in his life.
My husband told me that night and has repeatedly told me in the past years (even when he was healthy) that it really disturbs him to see them all drunk, especially his mother but he didn't feel like there he wasn't anything he could do and to just leave it alone.
Ok, that's the background story, now here's what just happened, and oh, yea, I'm the second wife.
My sister in law just told me over the phone that they had been discussing my husband and they felt that the reason why my husband was depressed was because of my children (he has always considered my children his and they have always considered him their dad) live here and I need to kick them out of the house because he doesn't want them around. She said that they cause him stress and if anything is killing him it is having my kids around. She said that he wishes he could be with me all the time, just me. Well, that's probably true that is what he would like but it also doesn't mean he wants them gone. They think that is my job right now to make sure he is happy and to get rid of the kids because they take up too much of my time away from him. She also said that the reason why his daughters don't have anything to do with their dad is because of me, if I wasn't around then they could all still be happy together. And she agreed with them, I did ruin their family, if he hadn't met me they could have helped their parents get back together. She said she was sorry to say it but it was the truth.
I was so stunned that I couldn't even speak and got off the phone as quick as possible and then burst into tears. I just didn't need to hear any of that. I feel like she is saying everything is my fault and I am the one making him sick. I have talked to my mom and my kids and they are all stunned. My mom said, "that's it they went too far and they are going to get a letter from me".
Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.
My husband told me that night and has repeatedly told me in the past years (even when he was healthy) that it really disturbs him to see them all drunk, especially his mother but he didn't feel like there he wasn't anything he could do and to just leave it alone.
Ok, that's the background story, now here's what just happened, and oh, yea, I'm the second wife.
My sister in law just told me over the phone that they had been discussing my husband and they felt that the reason why my husband was depressed was because of my children (he has always considered my children his and they have always considered him their dad) live here and I need to kick them out of the house because he doesn't want them around. She said that they cause him stress and if anything is killing him it is having my kids around. She said that he wishes he could be with me all the time, just me. Well, that's probably true that is what he would like but it also doesn't mean he wants them gone. They think that is my job right now to make sure he is happy and to get rid of the kids because they take up too much of my time away from him. She also said that the reason why his daughters don't have anything to do with their dad is because of me, if I wasn't around then they could all still be happy together. And she agreed with them, I did ruin their family, if he hadn't met me they could have helped their parents get back together. She said she was sorry to say it but it was the truth.
I was so stunned that I couldn't even speak and got off the phone as quick as possible and then burst into tears. I just didn't need to hear any of that. I feel like she is saying everything is my fault and I am the one making him sick. I have talked to my mom and my kids and they are all stunned. My mom said, "that's it they went too far and they are going to get a letter from me".
Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.
Of course, those words hurt you. These people are so wrong on so many fronts it can hardly be addressed.
You wouldn't abandon your children for anything. Apparently these people are too boozed up to comprehend what is real.
I certainly would not roll out the welcome mat in the future.
I'm sure my husb would prefer being secluded with me and would be happy if no one ever came to our house. But.. that is not going to happen - no matter what.
Deb, I am so ticked off for you... I can't think of polite words to
express myself. ^(&)%&%%*((@ ! Stupid, stupid people.
Please... vent away - that is the only way you are going to get this
poison out of your system.
I'm sure you do make things hard for his family, most drunks don't like spending time with the clean and sober...and I would wager there is some guilt somewhere deep in a sober moment when they realize what your doing for him and how they have failed him...not that you'd ever hear it from any of them.
There is nothing you can do to change people like that, but you can avoid them, not invite them back to your home and only speak to them when it's absolutely necessairy...I've managed to go over twenty years wihtout speaking to most of my in-laws and it's been wonderful.
Vent all you want, this is the place to do it.
This hits a raw nerve with me because Ken's youngest daughter has been to see her Dad twice in the last 18 months. She called me crying that my daughter was mean to her because she told her she needs to come see her Dad more offten and she should try being a better daughter. Last week we went to hospital to visit her ex hubby ( very nice even comes out and stays with Ken ) she comes in, just a short hi not a hug for her Dad or how you doing. I wanted to jump across the bed and slap her. After word Ken ask me why that girl never come to see him. I am the second wife also but I'm lucky to have the support of all of his family except this little snot. Personally I wouldn't give a crap but Ken still must remember something about her.Her sister in flying in for TG she is sending over ourgranddaughter and she is going to a friends house for dinner. Just a well she never helps with the dishes anyway!.
Thanks for that vent.
I know it hurts but don't waste your time crying over them. Tell them to kiss your know what!
This hast me all fired up, i'm going to go paint my kithchen and get rid rid of some of this anger
Hang in there.
I hope they are no longer there and if they can't help....then stay away.
I don't have children, wish I did, I'm not getting much help from my family due to their failure to really learn about this disease and how much reassurance and support they really need. I can't imagine this happening to a spouse, but can tell you it's amazing how many stupid people I run into that have a mouthful of worthless dribble to dump out on us.
I can't imagine a harder job than this type of caregiving....you've been amazing and all I can say is they are blessed to have you in their worthless drunk lives.
Your husband loves you, just wrap yourself up in this as tightly as you can and call us for backup if you need us to come running!
Boy I wish we all could some days.