You poor thing!
These are the kinds of things we should have in our book.
pina

Deb, I know exactly the horrified feeling you had. About 2 years ago when Ron's serious bathroom stuff started... he came out of the ladies bathroom at our grocery store with poop all over his hands and clothes. I was mortified and he was grinning like an idiot.
We BOMBED out of there ( I just left the cart). That was pretty much when I decided he couldn't be trusted in a public bathroom and stopped taking him to stores or restaurants.
I , also, started carrying baby wipes in the car and my purse for
times like those.
Hard.. isn't it.? Makes you want to cry to see them changed into such an infantile being.

Deb, I remember a similar post some time ago, maybe someone will remember that.

I personally don't have experience so I'll just offer something up here. I think women are more understanding. I would use the woman's restroom and use the handicap stall. When you walk into the restroom just announce something like "handicap man coming in" so no one in there is shocked and head him towards the big stall. You can control so much more of the situation in a woman's restroom and most women will understand your situation. The Ladies have all stalls so not like you are invading someones private space.

And maybe if you do this each time it will ease the stress for both of you. It's worth a test run.

You do what you got to do. I bet he wouldn't notice you were steering him to the ladies especially if you were with him, even leaving him alone in the handicap gives him privacy but you still are there at the stall door.

Good Luck with this.

I did that with my husband........ worked like a charm. All the women were awesome about it.

Deb...I am so sorry , I can only imagine , hasn't happened to me yet but I could picture it. We haven't yet had bowel issues...yet our husbands seems close in the stage so there but for the grace of God go I.

Linda...great suggestion about announcing entrance and using handicap stall! Thats brilliant and I thank you in advance because i know its coming quick for me. In fact the bathroom issues are one of the biggest when going out . THANK YOU....this site is terrific. and yes PINA you are so right this should definitely be in the book. I am going to make a new post for SUGGESTIONS for the book....Luv you all and Deb GREAT BIG HUGG of love .

I haven't thought about that situation, but it is a terrific idea to announce handicapped man coming in. Now, more of us that haven't reached that point will be prepared. Thanks for the tip. Doris

I haven't had bathroom issues yet, even though my husband hardly makes sense anymore. I know it's coming, so I really appreciate the advise. It makes much sense to me.

I have had bathroom issues with my hubby since 1985 due to his paraplegic and neurogenic bowel and bladder. I always use depends when we go out and carry a bag with a change of clothing, shoes, wipes and a perineal cleaner and a few extra plastic bags for dirty clothes. Sometimes I just throw them out if things are too bad. He is still humiliated when this happens and has kept us pretty close to home since his accident.

I think Linda's idea is great and most women would be sympathetic to the situation..

JeanMarie ; You really are a saint......
SINCE 1985!!!!! God Bless you , you deserve an award.

Believe me Sherri........I am no saint. When I look back 1985 to 2004 was easy........Dementia is what is difficult. I think the fact I am a nurse helped with his initial problems. Even though I am a nurse and understand the clinical aspects of dementia it is such an emotional drain. Sometimes I think being a nurse makes the situation more difficult for me. Just like a lawyer shouldn't represent a relative.........it is difficult separating the patient/husband at times....

I have staked out several places on our usual rounds....One is the car dealership where I have my car serviced. The ladies (and men's) room is off the showroom and no one seems to pay any attention, so when we are in that area we zip in, into the ladies(VERY clean) Ron needs to be manually guided through the entire process anyway and needs to sit anyway, so no real problem there. We are out so fast with washed hands that the guys milling around don't seem to perceive what's happened and don't seem to care if they do.

I also find one McDonald's in our general visiting area to be particularly handy at sort of busy times, again we can get in and out of there before anyone can figure out what's up.

And besides it's sort of like flying with young children...how many of these people are you going to see again?!

When we were attending events outside like a movie or a play at the local school, I would time our exit to the ladies for just a few minutes before intermission and we'd zip out and be out of there by the time people were getting up for intermission.

Only ran into someone once in a restaurant ladies room and I think she understood, nothing was said and we left quickly. I carry that germ gel so that if we don;t get to wash hands I'm not too worried, we get to it in the car....

Well anyway you look at it your husband is a lucky man to have you. :)

OH, you must have been so embarrassed. Its really hard especially when the one you are caring for is the opposite sex andyou can't go with them. In my husbands case, his alzheimers is not THAT bad yet, but he has so many other health problems and he is in the bathroom every thirty minutes or more and when we are out, I'm afraid he will fall in there as that is one of his problems. He has neuropathy in both legs really bad and staggers around and falls a lot. It makes it hard when you can't leave them home alone and it is a big production to try to take them out. I really feel for you.