Feel free to vent here. I am so sorry you are going through all this. These are very tough economic times and anything that goes wrong can put us back. Hang in there.

I just feel like it keeps getting worse with every step i take..... I think of how things were before being hospitalized and i want it back so badly. I feel like putting my head through my windshield everytime i look at my car now..... im fortunate to have it but its starting to become more of a burden.... AHHHHHHH!!!

my wife told me i SHOULD kill myself..... and i just dont know anymore

funny my husband told me to go kill myself as well I don't know if I can forgive him for that??

SeanPain...I dont know if anyone can truly understand how we feel and I think the stress makes us take it out on people..we dont mean to..people dont know how to take away oure pain and say things..you want them to be the rocks but I think its hard for them..I tried explaining to someone but they dont get it..so I think its best to keep quiet..but this results in making me feel noone understands..then thoughts come into play that inner voice..the inner voice that whispers stuff..Im not good enough.etc et..everything is to much to deal with..I loose my coping skills...Im glad you vented on here..

I felt better for a few days but its creeping up on me again..... all i can think is that nobody has ever truly cared about me or understood me...... Im talking myself into just hating all of the ppl in my past and most of the present. I feel like im losing my grip on reality at times and its hard to step back and calm down.

And i know exactly how you feel Elaine...... i will NEVER EVER EVER forgive her for those words..... at times i wish she would go through the same things she has put me through.... i feel she deserves every ounce of pain dealt to her but i know thats not the right path of thinking. She will never be forgiven no matter what she goes through in her life....Not by me atleast

So my wife has been saying that she has cancer for the last year or so and balled her eyes out saying " i want nothing more than to have you back sean...... please come home..... " Then proceeds to shun me all over again and not talking to me until last night...... now apparently she has a tumor on her brain and has MS after having a stroke 3 weeks ago.

I just cant find it in me to even care that she MIGHT have all of this going on....... Im afraid that she has made me a very bad person as i just cant seem to care any less about what she has than i do right now.

She only seems to find time for me when things go wrong like they MIGHT be right now. I love her so much but at the same time i hate any and every thing about her

I know for myself having a conditon it certainly changed me..I was not myself..you do un reasonable things..think differently..not always logically.. I said things to be honest reading my first journal..it felt I was fighting against something..I didnt seriously reconize myself..my world was shattered ..I put some people through hell..not only myself but them..but some stayed with me..some didnt..ones who didnt I cannot blame them..for the ones who did Im pleased they saw I was worth it and waited for me to come back from the hell I was in..

Jokey i want to put my head through a fucking window at this point..... i just found out some more shit about my relationship with my wife and it has completely triggered the depression again..... i wanna just be done with life at this point. Its like everytime i think everything is ok its not

I had something happen..someone said some hurtful things...they stripped my personality to the very core..I went into a room and cried..I had a mixture of emotions..helplessness ..anger..hurt..worry..half of me wants to hug them..but half of me wants to not go near them..I fear I dont have the strength to take on tha verbal attack again...its not easy is it Sean it really does have an effec..I know it has me...