Breath. You're newly sober and working on a fourth step. Life can get a little (lot) crazy. It will pass.
But call your sponsor. They may want to give you some additional direction.
So remember you're good. This is a rough spot and it will pass.
Hugs,
Mike

I couldn't even read your whole post becuase it really hits home w/ me. I am terrified of my 4th & 5th because I am going to have to face a lot of wreckage. I don't know how to make you feel better, just here to say that I am right there with you and I guess when you walk thru it, you will feel so amazing and free afterwards.

for me i had to put it off..... just for a bit..... yet i want to change..... God already knows the things we don't feel good about what we did... remember that...... and the person you share it with trust them... or find someone will that will understand what you are doing........ believe me i know it can take us back...... i listed to joe and charlie.....i am sorry i don't know the site yes it is silkworth.net......... go there listen to them...... they make it easier to understand how the big book explains it .... and congrats on not drinking to you and piper....... hang in there...... and know it will only make room for good things then.... that is a fact!!!

I have just done my fear list...which I am queen of!!!! so I have fear of doing the rest but my sponsor wants me to do....have been putting it off... I plan to let go and let God help me to do it.

Take a breath, you are dealing with a lot of emotions right now. The flood gates have opened & it's time to swim upstream. Once it's all out, it's out. For me, afterwards I did have an emotional hangover. Get it over with and move on. You don;t want to have to do it all over again (the first one). It will get better, the 5th step really releases all the power this stuff has over you.

Things are sometimes bound to be like this when we are pursuing a different way of like and looking out ourselves, others and the world in new ways.

Remember that what is going on in your head is not necessarily reality, it is your thoughts and perceptions of it at a given point and these are not neccesarily a very accurate perception and they will change. Dont dwell on what has happened and how you felt, move forward and as you change there will be much less danger of you reacting like that in the future. You are learning a new way of life and doing anything new is often challenging and has its ups and downs.

Steps 4 and 5 are nothing to be scared of. (Not saying that means we dont get scared though). They are about looking at ourselves and our lives in a different way so that in steps 6 and 7 we know the things that we would like God to help us to change.

Are you doing your step 4 exactly as it is set out in the big book? This leads us through the process in the best way and prevents us getting caught up in it and making it more difficult for ourselves, It isnt therapy or about resolving issues (a lof of us need that and should get outside help if we do), it is about seeing what we needs to be changed in us in order to remove the blockages we have from God. I needed to keep sight of that purpose to avoid complicating things and making them much more confusing than they need to be.

Thank you all so much! You know i was going about step four all wrong... i shouldve stuck to the big book! Needless to say, i have made an appointment with my therapist to try and resolve my core issues. I get confused as i am working the program, as well as doing some inner healing. It gets incredibly hard at times, but today i am feeling good! Clear headed and calm! And in two weeks and i will have seven months sober! woo hoo! I'll continue to try my best and try more to let go... to put it in god's hands... i will NOT give up on this sober journey... thank you all for your continued support!

the 4th step is nothing to be afraid of. What in my exp I should be afraid of is I am sure to drink if I dont do the steps Or I dont drink I remained blocked off from God and I suffer from untreated alcoholism my mind races a million miles a hour its everyone else falut my life is out of control and everyone is a arse hole. Or you can do what I did 7 yrs ago back in 2001 when I came back to aa so beat up i would do anything to not live like that I was asked by my sponsor what would I do to not have to live like that either out of control drinking or homicidal and suicidal sober I said I would do any thing he said then lets do the steps. I recovered and like the BB said I sought to straighten out spiritually then my mental and physical followed. I dont do this perfect and I can still mess things up but not since doing the 12 steps as directed by the BB have I had to drink or use. This reall does work in my exp when I follow the directions from the BB

Observe your thoughts and emotions. Just become aware of these things as they are going on inside of you.

Stop for a moment to simply know what is going on inside and observe these things.

Allow these things to take place as they will. Know that these things are part of a process that you (the aware observer) are not in control of for this moment.
That the one thing you can do is continue to observe the thoughts and feelings objectively and with a calm sense of awareness.

When you find yourself getting lost in those thoughts and feelings, go back to observing them.

A deeper essence is the observing quality within you. Get back to this part of yourself and find peace in it.

Confusedmama, The feeling you're experiencing are perfectly normal. Your body and mind are revolting against their need for alcohol. All you need to remember is that this too shall pass. You didn't get here because you had an overwhelming need to join AA.You got here because God brought you here.He set you on a new path intentionally.Now what are you going to do with this new revelation.What you're experiencing is the second part of step one. You are in fact an alcoholic.And your life is extremely unmanageable.When you come into the AA family the first thing you need to do is to get into action.Explore those feelings find a higher power.Get a sponsor to help you get uver the feelinggs of "less than,and Am I the only one going through this.Once you find that you're not the only duck in the pond maybe you ;ll want to get a sponsor,maybe then your God won't be so hard to find.It all depends on what you're willing to do in order to atay sober

There is some really good advice giving to you. I totally agree w/ Greg G.

Before starting & during my 4th & 5th steps

I had to get back intouch w/ my Higher power & pray on these fears, pray for God to give me the strength to get thru it. "Let go & give it to ur Higher power". Use the Senerity prayer to determine what things you cannot change,let God give you the courage to change the things you can & find the wisdom (from the BB & ur sponcer)to know the differance.

I compared doing the 4th & 5th step like..being in an airplane at 50,000ft & the plane is going down. Do I put on the paracute & jump to safty or go down w/ the plane & crashnburn. I took the leap of Faith & God got me thru it. Your Higher power will do the same for you.

May God bless you in this period of your life. Take care! Hugs!