Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Gr8ful 02/05/2012

I am an alcoholic and that is what an alcoholic does isnt it??

I know that before I stopped drinking this was a real battle in my head, though at the time I did not know I was alcoholic. Many days I would say I am not going to drink tonight only to find myself paying for another slab of beer on the way home.

I loved to drink, I loved the feeling it gave me, the euphoria I felt as the alcohol caressed it's way through me. Why would I want to stop that. Yet every day I wanted to stop.

During my recovery I heard a speaker talk about this and they talked about not wanting to stop drinking but to stop the hurting it caused. This hit an accord with me. The second it was out of his mouth I related and knew that was what I always wanted to do, not stop drinking but to stop the hurt my drinking caused.

I did not want to stop drinking I wanted to stop the hurt it caused. Unfortunately in my case I could not drink without causing hurt so I knew I had to stop drinking to stop the hurt; and that is why as an alcoholic I wanted to stop drinking.

G8

deleted_user 02/06/2012

I hated being in that day in and day out routine of having to drink to quell the fear that permeated every fiber of my being. The soul sickness was worse than any physical or material consequence. I couldn't stand being a slave to alcohol any longer.

I knew I was an alcoholic but couldn't imagine life without it. Until I could. And then I reached out and asked for help. No. More like cried out for help. And here I am. Still boggles my mind and I don't ever forget where I came from or what I need to do to maintain this.

LindaJean 02/06/2012

Gr8ful - that is a really interesting view. Not wanting the pain in my life is definitely what keeps me sober.

I loved drinking too - it was the pain I could not stand any longer.

m8bear 02/06/2012

I wanted to stop drinking yet did not know how.

I wanted to stop hurting myself yet didn't understand why I couldn't stop drinking.

I thought I was hurting no-one as I live alone. I never realised the calls from my mum were to see that I was still alive after I would leave her drunken slurry messages.

It took me one more move (geographical) and a night out with my parents that ended up with me being in the police cells.

Then I got home and saw my mum's face. The pain. The greyness. The sadness in her eyes. I was destroying her. Within 36 hours I was in an AA meeting.

I wasn't there for the right reasons first off yet I kept going as I saw the hope and smiles on people's faces. How did I get what they had?

I always say it was my mum's face that got me to AA and now it is me that keeps me there (and HP).

Today I have the best relationship with my mum and it is that of a mum :)

deleted_user 02/06/2012

I spent years hiding from my mom and my family. In this alcoholics sick mind out of sight was out of mind. I sprnd a lot of time homeless and begging for a dollar from passing motorists, The sad part was is that I didnt care. It wasnt intil alcohol made me so sick I had to seek medical attention.I was so sick that I was in the hospital for a month. It wasnt until I got ready for discharge that I realized I needed help in getting sober. I went to a recovery house because I had 30 days sober.Albeit that was because I was in the hospital. When I finally had the courage to face my family especially my mom. I promised myself that my mom would never see me drunk again.I too went to AA for all the wrong reasons but that goal is what kept me in that recovery home until I discovered I was alcoholic and I just simply couldnt do this myself. I always have said what ever it is thats gets you into the rooms of Alcoholic Anonymous really doesnt matter. Its what keeps you there that matters. Take the body the mind will follow. Greg

deleted_user 02/06/2012

I like the way you describe this G8. And Whos2 said something about "soul sickness". That's exactly what it was.

I did not realize damage I was doing to my spirit and my soul. It happened so slowly at first that I did not understand why it made me feel so empty. And "yes", that part of it is worse than the physical part.

stickywick 02/06/2012

Great post. I felt the same way about wine. Why would I stop? It made everything so much better. Made me relax, made me forget about all the "stuff " In my monkey mind, and helped make it all possible. Until I wanted to stop. The hangovers were no longer funny or worth it. I felt like I was going to pass out a few times a week when doing things like driving my kids, or getting the groceries. This not while drinking but hung over. And then when I was ready to stop, I couldnt. I'd stop for a while, then I'd seduce myself back into thinking I could drink like those first years.
On and on and on until finally I had had enough. Sick of being sick. Sick of being a hung over or drunk mother to the three kids I had wanted more than life itself. And still do:)
So I went, terrified, to AA. And I found you. I found a solution. I found fellowship. I found God. I found me. Not sure of the order but I'm finding it all. I don't get everything I want, but I get what I need.
Such blessings.
thanks for that post G.

Taradactyl 02/06/2012

Honestly... I tried to find reasons to stop, but nothing ever seemed to be enough. The truth for me was that, the booze no longer worked and caused me personally a great deal of physical and emotional pain. Every drink ended in a train wreck.

I didn't have the external consequences that others had. I had no real good reason to stop except to stop my own pain and stay alive. I wanted to stop drinking because the pain was unbearable for me.

Today, my story is different. I appreciate what I have in sobriety. What I could not see while I was drinking, such as what life sober was like, I can now see. My choice to stay sober today is because I do not want to lose what I have. This includes the relationships I have built over the last year. I stay sober today because I am grateful. I want to be a part of life today and that is impossible for me if I am drinking.

SkyBiscuit 02/06/2012

Wow, excellent post and great responses too.Thanks to all of you.

I like this one so much, I am copying it to my journal. Thanks for the eye opener.

deleted_user 02/06/2012

Thanks Gr8ful for the post

deleted_user 02/06/2012

I hit a bottom, but it was a comfortable bottom. I drank all the time though. At work at home anytime there was a reason to drink. I got sick of myself and the lies about what I was really up to. It became bad and I had a seizure from not having any alcohol in my body. I would have the shakes in the morning at work and would drink in the afternoon and drink as soon as I got home. My ex told me not to drink anymore, So I would hide my beer in the woods and go out at night and drink a whole 12 pack. I was in mental anguish. That is why I quit

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