Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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jada1858 09/20/2012

I'm serious. I'm not feeling bad or horrible. I'm ok. But days like yesterday a frustrated face , all screwed up and bulging eyes would have suited me to a tee. And it's not as if you can take it out on any one. Making excuses for bad behavior is just stupid. And the situation does test my sobriety-sorta but not enough to give up what i have gained in the last year. "Temporarily" having the step-daughter living with us, and her children ( 9 ms., 6 -7- 8 year olds) and her boyfriend, and her 2 dogs. His MOM's house flooded during Issac. The girl always has some catastropy going on. Suspended & expired driver's license, gave her a truck cause she wrecked hers, lost her nurses license few years back, never got her physical therapy license, up until a month or so ago both unemployed for over a year. We suspect there may may be some type of "usage" but suspicisions are not proof. I realize things are tough for most everyone. However I am not your baby-sitter (oh wait- yes I am - i do keep the 9 m. while she works and the other 3 only come on weekends since they are with the other parents). I am not your maid, will not do your laundry, will not pick up your dirty dishes...... It's extremely hard to be nice sometimes when your sh*t is hanging all over my house. So why isn't there a "frustrated" smiley face on here. Any words of advice will be considered, appreciated....

deleted_user 09/20/2012

I guess it's things like this that actually make us happy to be sober. Imagine drinking throughout this - it would be a disaster worse than Isaac, in some ways. When things like this occur, as frustrating and annoying as they may be, I tend to look at them as teaching moments (what's that schlocky saying about the word "tormentor" having the word "mentor" in it...). I usually have to learn patience, boundary-setting, assertiveness, tolerance and acceptance. I know that because those kinds of situations arise often for me. So maybe there's a plan for you too...ha ha.

But congrats on keeping your sobriety intact and being in touch with how you're feeling and looking at things in perspective. You might be the only one doing that right now, and like someone I know once told me in early sobriety - we tend to go from being the emotionally weakest person in our family to the emotionally strongest.

gr8ful2b 09/20/2012

OMG! I want to validate what you said about being frustrated. Anyone would be.

If it's too much for you, you can always un-invite them. This sounds like the perfect storm brewing. Teaching moments...yeah, I guess.
God doesn't expect us to be doormats. We stand on our own 2 feet!

If this situation even has you thinking about drinking, you might have to make a decision. Have you talked to your sponsor or a trusted friend about this?

gr8ful2b 09/20/2012

PJ54 09/20/2012

Looks like it could be time for the talk unless you want to risk frustration turning into something more serious. Its your home and it would be reasonable to expect that some minimum rules would apply. Where does step-daughters father fit into the equation can he not talk to his little darling. If I were you I would try to make them welcome but would also expect to know when they planned to move on to a place of their own. In the meantime, your house should be your castle.

stickywick 09/20/2012

Sounds like a tough situation. I know it would be extremely frustrating for me.
So maybe you need to talk to your sponsor about this?
I'd also consider, based on what your sponsor suggests, talking to your spouse. This is his child after all right? He should lay down the law and say its time for this to STOP. Living with you two is a privilage not a right. Their are rules. So lay them out. She breaks them? She's out.
You don't need to be this young woman's maid, babysitter, etc. and it sounds like as long as you arent saying NO she's assuming a YES.

danusa14 09/20/2012

I'm totally down with the frustrated face

jada1858 09/20/2012

Thanks you wonderful people. I truly appreciate the input. Dad is almost on board with the "you need to find your own place" plan. Loves the grandchildren but constantly having his bedroom invaded is becoming a strain on even his patience. I imagine it won't be long before he's had enough. In the meantime, my ability to cope with total chaois has made him realize how far I've come and how determined I am not to let this be a stumbling block. Gosh, I love that man!

deleted_user 09/20/2012

It sounds like you need to establish some clear boundaries here!

CoogeeMum 09/20/2012

I agree with PJ and Serenity. You need to set some clear guidelines and let them know what the house rules are. See if they can get a plan of action together for getting themselves financially independent and into a place of their own.

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