Hi akacountrygirl, I understand you have other challenges beside alcoholism so please see your doctor and explain how you are feeling.

Speaking for myself, that explanation you give above for why you drink sounds like my kind of thinking before I discovered exactly what separates me from a problem drinker.

I was around the rooms and had two different sponsors before I heard (at a Big Book meeting) a discussion on sponsorship and what was really being said in the Big Book. It was different to what I was hearing at other meetings and I was intrigued. I carried on drinking though.

Eventually, when I desperately wanted to stop drinking forever I called one of those women who had been sharing about how a spiritual awakening had transformed her life and asked her to help me through the 12 Step programme.

We did that, going through the Big Book, in a matter of weeks, and I have never looked back.

It was a revelation to me and I was hearing things straight from the Big Book that totally contradicted what I had heard so long around other meetings. That's what made the difference for me.

Do you go to Step and Big Book meetings? Have you thought of trying to go through the Steps with someone who says they have had a spiritual awakening or answers "yes" when asked the question if they have had one? Have you read the Big Book lately? If you have been through the 12 Steps before, were you guided through them using the precise instructions set out in the Big Book and at the pace suggested?

All these things counted hugely for me in setting me free from the drink problem and it's the way I help other women today.

Being spiritually awake and growing along spiritual lines has got me through good and bad times in the best way possible. I strive to improve every day and that is the only way that I choose to live now.

I hope my experience shared here can help you in some way.

I can definitely relate. I hid my unhappiness with alcohol which only served to make myself more unhappy and life more difficult. I am fortunate that I know what is bothering me and am working to change the things I can, and really asking myself if I can accept the things I can't change (other people). I don't know exactly where life is going to take me yet, but I do know my decisions will be made quietly and mindfully and only when I know in my heart that I have done everything I could. I have been treated for depression in the past, but it was situational. Definitely talk to your Doc. Hugs!

Thanks for your replies. I have had the spiritual awakening and it was great but I started drinking again.

Never been over the steps with anyone and have had 2 sponsors....just never have seemed to work out.
I will definitely tell my Dr. that my depression has worsened. A lot of it is situational and I just can't figure out what to do about it. My hubby drinks too.
Will keep saying my prayers and hope that God has a greater plan for me.

Hi akacountrygirl, those are the same reasons I drank. I'm on antidepressants also and have arthritis, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, to name a few. I've always had a depression problem.

I am also unhappy with my life and feel stuck as to how to change it. Drinking always makes my depression worse. I am trying to get my spiritual side awake and do things differently. I know what you are going through because I've been that way most of my life.

Just letting you know that I can relate to what you are saying and you're not alone.

In response to your reply I found that prayers were not enough to keep me sober and God wouldn't keep me sober without my making an effort to do all I could on my part to use the spiritual tools I had been given through the programme.

Also, while I hear it is possible to go through the Steps on your own, I think that must be really hard to do. I needed someone to help me to challenge my thinking all the way through them and more came to light than just me struggling along on my own. My thinking was skewed by my alcoholism. I really needed some help with that.

I also had a spiritual awakening but I cannot stay plugged in to that one revelation from one period of time unless I kept moving forward, growing along spiritual lines, using the tools of the programme and having many more spiritual experiences along the way.

The only reason I would drink in the future (and I am destined to do so due to the nature of my condition) would be if I became spiritually sick again. For me the drink problem went years ago but as the Big Book says "What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on our spiritual condition."

I'm glad you will be visiting your doctor. I hope you find that sponsor who is willing to show you "how it works."

Hello akacountrygirl,

I spent many years being unhappy with life and I could list countless reasons for drinking. It was only when I lost control over alcohol that I found out some truths about myself and ways of making the necessary improvements.

The first thing that I learned is that although a lot of things may have triggered my drinking or contributed to it, the one and only real reason that I drank is because I am an alcoholic. In order to arrive at that understanding I had to learn more about alcoholism.

I honestly could not stop drinking on my own but I did so with some ease as soon as I went to AA meetings. After a time I could probably have left it at that and maybe even stop going to AA and it is possible that I would not drink again. However, being sober and unhappy with life did not seem like a combination that I would look forward to. Therefore, I decided to look at causes rather than the symptoms and that has turned out to be a great journey of self-discovery. Today, I dont drink and I enjoy life, providing that I follow some simple suggestions.

I once heard someone at a meeting say: God will move mountains but He expects you to bring your own wheelbarrow.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I can relate.
For me, the steps, with a sponsor, including inventory, and amends, and then living in 1-3 and 10-12 has helped me change my life.
So first suggestion would be to get a sponsor,who has gone through the steps, and get into them.
With this, I was able to go through things I could never have, without drinking, without even really thinking of drinking until after the fact and realized I hadnt thought about it!
There is no magic, did the work, got the benefits. Keep doing the work, as I like to keep reaping the benefits.