My inner conflicts coupled with the effect alcohol seemed to give me (detached fromm my inner reality)landed me in a world of shit when I first began to drink until my last drink.

I got sober at 26 and was urged to pay attention to my inner conflicts not necessarily the reasons that logically would cause someone to wanna get trashed. But why the need to wanna feel different cried out when I wanted to again avoid the inner conflicts I poured Alcohol on the fire inside hoping to douse out the committee in my head pulling the strings in my my emotional make up!

Logical deductions only created a lot of distance from my reality until I got sober and turned everything I thought I knew about my reality upside down and began to understand I was not at all emotionally honest about what really drove me!

The funny thing about that was since taking that position my Alcoholism has not needed to be in control and I have not needed or even wanted to have a drink as a means of shutting out the inner conflict! I just acquired a healthier view of and healthier respect for how my insides react to all the outer stimulus life presents :)))
Billy

Hello Rich,

I could have written a whole book on the so-called triggers that I had for drinking but it was not until I learned that I drank as I did for only ONE reason that I started to make progress.

I see from another thread that you got a copy of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) and if you pay close attention to The Doctors Opinion and Bills Story in the BB it will tell you about why alcoholics drink as they do and why in many cases willpower alone is not enough to overcome the problem. The Big Book was written in the 1930s and at that time Dr. Silkworth could only express an opinion that from his observations alcoholics were different to other drinkers, not only in mind but that there was also some physical difference in the body. Research that was done since then has confirmed the doctors opinion and there is a better understanding now about what happens when an alcoholic puts alcohol into his or her body.

I found that while reading the Big Book on my own was a revelation, it was only by listening to other people who knew more about it that I could get to the real intent and meaning of what was written. I heard such people at Big Book meetings and there was also one guy whose experience I found invaluable you can hear him at the link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pVBDQPC2XQ

Giday RM, initially I loved the euphoria when I put the first one in but then this moved to no choice, Obsession led me to pick up that first drink and once I did that, I could not control how much I picked up.

G8

I started drinking in my late teens. I drank in because I thought it was cool, I liked gettting buzzed, I wanted to party, I wanted to fit in, I wanted to go to the club. All those type of reasons.
I decided it is time to quit around age 37/38. It was time to retire alcohol for many reasons. It was no longer fun, it was more of an addiction. I was getting major anxiety, could not sleep, bags under my eyes, bloated face, weight gain, I previously had two liver scares, I was unhappy. All I would do is consume alcohol when I was not at work. The list goes on... More reason to quit than keep drinking.
I have still had some struggles, but I think OVERALL, I AM DOING GOOD!!1
Good luck to you and WE can do this...

My trigger is being done with work and that it is now time to drink......same as you I guess. Doesn't seem to be any paticular trigger other than it being that time of day that I can drink because I'm home and finished with my "real" responsibilities for the day.

Although with the way I feel every day, I wonder why I keep doing it over and over and over again. I feel like shit, tired, bloated, and fuzzy thinking. But every day after work I always think it is a good idea to do it again. Doesn't make sense. Probably never will.

I always think I can have one also. It never works and it's the weirdest thing that I still think that I can do it even after trying it hundreds of times. Guess that is the difference between alcoholics versus nonalcoholics. Nonalcoholics don't try to plan it all out and fail miserably over and over.....alcoholics do.

Alcoholics do....until they have had enough misery. Then they look at ways of getting sober.

For me - it was usually about NOT wanting to do something, or be somewhere, or avoid some sort of physical or emotion pain. In other words, it was self-medication for PAIN - either current, or anticipated.

I still have pain. I am just finding other ways to deal with it.

I never really related to the idea that "when this happens I drink" or "when that happens I drink"...sure it was part of a routine and the process of stopping involved changing that routine. What do I do when I finish work? What do I do at family functions etc etc

But when I looked closely and honestly the urge often came at me sideways. Wasn't necessarily the thing that just happened but the thing before that or somewhere further back in the change.

I learnt to respond differently...pick up the phone and talk to others, get stuff off my chest and out of my head. I also learnt how to watch my emotions and my thoughts...after a little while it got easier to spot the little tricks they were playing on me :)

What worked for me was taking the position that the logic in my head wasn't reliable when it came to drinking and the decision, or unconscious reaction, to drink and in all likelihood it never would be so there was no use looking for simple logic. So if the urge came at me sideways I had to find a sideways approach to solving the problem.

When I looked for reasons for my drinking in the past I always looked outside at the things that weren't right. Sobriety taught me to look inside at the things that were uncomfortable.

P

Oops ^^ further back in the "chain"

P

Ha!!! Im not a chain ...butt the weakest link noooooooooooo Plaul:))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvR9rOCiMrE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jzqx4Mf4lE

Hi Rich, I drank the way I did because I am an alcoholic. I used to make excuses to drink or for "why" I drank as did other alcoholics in my family. I suppose the only trigger in my life was the genetics that were passed on. Nothing I could do about that, but plenty I could do to find out what I was up against and take action to get well.

I drank if the sun shined, if the sun didn't shine, up, down, I drank. At times I would say "that's it! - no more!" but sooner or later I was at it again. Even if I seemed to be achieving a decent period of not drinking I would be wrestling with the thoughts of drinking most of the time and that was truly miserable.

For the longest time I did not want to admit that I was powerless over drinking alcohol, I would be quick to remember when common sense had kicked in before I picked up but not so quick to remember the times where common sense was just not there when needed. The amount I drank too. Once I started it was anybody's guess where and how it would end, another demonstration of it being completely out of my hands.

As this illness got worse, the days I could string together fighting it got less until I truly acknowledged it had me rather than the other way around. This shattered my delusions and denial, it forced me into a different way to tackle the problem, to tap into another source of power while at the same time undergoing a big change in the way I reacted to life challenges. My route was the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and I have not needed or wanted alcohol ever since. I'm still an alcoholic, still powerless over alcohol but something much bigger than that guides my life today.

Depressing thoughts about the past. My demands over the present. My hopeless view of the future. My quickness to get irratated at things I thought were a big deal but now realize they are not. The list goes on.

Escape and cope

In high school, it was to be "cool" and to rebel against my parents.

In college, because that's just "what you do."

As a young adult living at home with my parents, it was to escape.

When I moved out and lived on my own, drinking represented freedom and it seemed so "adult" to have a drink after work.

It was fun to go out to happy hour with the gang after work.

When my age group hit the era when happy hour ceased to exist due to families, career advancement, etc., I took the drinking to home. I can now see over a progression of 20+ years where it started out to be a glass of wine every evening while relaxing and watching a TV show.

One glass progressed to two, then worked itself up to two BOTTLES a night. I also think that all along, alcohol blotted out stress and feelings. What once was a habit blossomed into a full-blown addiction. There were warning signs all over the place, but I chose to ignore them.

It will be one year for me on Easter weekend.