I feel the same way! I loved to entertain, often having neighborhood cocktail and pool parties. I would usually be the one doing crazy things, some of which I now regret. Everything I did socially or with my husband revolved around alcohol. I am still in the beginning stages of my new sobriety. I have tried this before, but finally feel this time, finally, I have to discover who my sober self is. It's exciting, but scary. I can't go to the parties or have them anymore like I used to, but I can discover new things about myself and others. Keep at it! Focus your energy on new things. I'm finally doing home improvement projects that I have put off because I never had the energy, and enjoying reading, because I am not seeing double, and watching movies that I have seen, but have no memory of. I wish you all the best in your journey of new self discoveries!

Every day I realize that I am not the same person that I was yesterday, last week or last year etc.

You might not realize it now or maybe you do, but there is way more to life than being 'that party girl'.
I wanted to be in the party life when I was on my twenties, but it was one of the hardest thing for me to kick in my thirties. It does not pay to be that party girl in the long run. You are doing the right thing by trying to change now for the new year.

Your question is very clear Heart and a good one.

For most of us who decide to stop drinking, we have little insight at the time as to how much sobriety with impact other aspects of our life. Our circle of friends and activities are often the first thing we will change to sustain our sobriety. And this is a good thing because it will open up a world of new possibilities that we only dreamed of before. However, as we leave our old routines and in some cases, friends, there can be a period of anxiety as we find ourselves between the comfort of the past and uncertainty of the future.

All I can say is to stay the course, and your new life will slowly begin to emerge. It will come slower that you would like, but will be better than you ever imagined...

Who am I when I take the booze away? Who am I when I take opinions of others away? Who am I when I'm acting instead of just reacting?

All good questions I think and well worth investigating. 20 minutes of Golddust here, which may or may not apply :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSUjY8Nrsf0

P

It's always better to walk away at the top of your game, even if it's drinking.

You're lucky people aren't avoiding you because of your drinking.

Don't worry about who you are or were. Be excited about who you want to be. I was what you described. Then I figured out what I was introverted. Now I come out of my shell and am happy to be sober.

Glad you're here.

Heart, all I can say is I am not the person I once was, I am not the person is am to become, but I love the person I am now. Sober. Each day that I take my 10th Step Inventory, each day I see were I strayed, each time it makes me into a better person.

I would not worry much about who am I today but instead I would concentrate on working on becoming better each moment. Focus on staying sober, going to meetings if you attend AA, getting a sponsor to guide you through the steps and just enjoy life today.

Stay Sober, Don't Drink, and Go to Meetings

Hugs

Mutley (a.k.a. Happy2)

Welcome. In early sobriety I didnt know which end was up. I wanted sobriety; and I wanted to feel at ease; and I wanted all that immediately. Only thing is time; takes time:-) I hated that then but now I love it. its a gift to go through the process to recovered. Its a gift to be alive and thinking about this stuff.
So party girl? I was certainly that....and far too long. the reality was as the mom of a little girl I needed to be a grown woman. "Fun?" Was it really fun or alcoholism disguised as socializing? For me the "fun" was real in the beginning but the last few years of hangovers; feeling sick; remorseful -- the "fun" was over. I needed to grow the hell up and discover a life in reality. Turns out the life I have today is incredibly fun --- and its real. I didnt know the two could go together.
So anyway, don't worry about the big picture at the moment. Just focus on today; and more will come into clarity as you sober up and start to rediscover who you are, who you were, and who you are meant to be.

Feels goo to b back, thanks for helping me.

Meant feels good to be back and thanks! Need to check before I post

The thing is with alcohol a good offense was the best defense. I would be the host to a party so I could be in the middle of all the chaos and not stick out. I would usually always be the last one standing and looking for more. That's why I know I'm an alcoholic

The main fear is not who I will be but I feared how I would be able to cope with life. I used booze to cope with the great times and the bad times. I tell you that it is all good once you get some sober time.

Sure the crap still happens in life but at least I don't have to go hide in a bottle.

1-2

The first thing I did when I gratuated from treatment was get rid of all my drinking buddies. Their sole purpose was to drag me down along with them. What I use to think was fun, was actually committing a slow suicide like my mother did and I chose to live a healthier lifestyle and stop comparing the present to the past. So the past became an illusion. It no longer was real to me. The present is real, true, fun, and an adventure every day and I am loving every minute of it!

God Bless!

Change can be exciting - it doesn't matter one bit what people may or may not expect of you from your past behaviour, it is now that matters and what you are doing to live well in this moment.

change "party girl" to "pretty girl" ... I have not been sober that long, but already I have lost weight and my skin is so much better... I am focusing on health... just feeling good.

Good Luck!