BS as this is purely an AA question suggest you ask on one of the aa specific areas. Being so AA pure I do not is fair on the others on the main board.

G8

Wow, I never expected that response! If I had a dollar for every time I have seen the label AA in the text of this discussion group I would take you all out to dinner!

That is fine Grt8ful, good opportunity for some to hit the blue button I guess.

Buck I'll bite, hoping you are interested in the program or at least curious, and not bating me into something.

The truth is, they all are. And truth be told, there are really only 7 of deep impact.

If you accept 1, 2 and 3 go with it.
If you accomplish 4-5, 6-7 go with
If you accomplish 8-9, 10 is easy
For me 11 is unnecessary.
12 is giving it away to get it.

Understanding I am powerless over alcohol is why I don't drink. So number 1 is pretty good. Number 10 is good too AFTER you take a look at your defects and make amends.

I could have lived my whole life not apologizing to people. I'm a much better person.

You often hear alcoholics say they are grateful alcoholics BECAUSE it enables them to understand about defects of character, resentment and being right with people.


Many people walk through life thinking they can mistreat people, or have an ego. I lived this way. I'm a much better person for the program now.

It's so much more than not drinking. And I'm not religious, nor put my eggs in the God basket.

Thanks Jeff. I really appreciate your thoughtful response and I wish people would get off the idea that I am somehow baiting them. I sincerely do have an interest in how and why AA works for some people. I hope more AA folks feel comfortable enough to contribute.

I think 1 was the most important. 2 and. 3 were just on a belief that my sponsor believed and I eventually believed after I took them.

5 moral inventory was a foreign idea to me I think that was the watershed moment. I have faults and I can just work on them now and not have to booze over things I am made with. Fear, anger, and a basic aloofness were top of my list

10 was a good one and I love step 12 as it's very natural for me to just try to help others in the rooms. I just last night complemented a lady that just looked better. This is real tricky and I usually just sort of stick with the men. But I just bumped into her on the way out and said you are looking greAt ,hope she left with more confidence than she walked in with. at and I found out it was like 63 days and she appreciated it. But dam when she came in she was just shot thru. She had that red cheek look that results from too much booze. Now she looks normal again and that's the thing is a meeting helps me stay close to those in early time, I remember how I had bumps and it was tough. I left feeling pretty good.

Actually I'm on step 6 now. See it's not just one time thru but the process that never ends. The process is just a loop and it's not like you have done them it's just you do them.

i really hated them and the list on the wall at first but now I love them because they offer relief. Cause I'm a crazy, disease ridden , mo for without them. I've BTDT

1is2many

Number 1 I was always told is the most important...and seems to be the most controversial :) The 'P' word is almost unpopular as the 'G' word :))

To me it simply means I was done looking for answers in Alcohol...wasn't going to work for me anymore so different answers and a different approach were required.

As with many things, the beauty is that lesson can be far reaching and extend into many areas of my life...depending on how far I'm willing to accept the futility of my default settings when it comes to thinking, feeling and problem solving (or self comforting).

There are plenty of places to discuss the 12 steps in more detail...it really is a lived experience for me though...hard to wrap your head around without first hand experience

P

Step 1, without that the rest cannot be worked

If you read the literature each step is an integral part of the whole. The point of the 12 Steps is to have a spiritual awakening which will remove the drinking problem. Peoples opinion and take on the 12 Steps is as varied as the members and non-members themselves.

The programme is detailed in the book, someone advised me to follow the precise direction and if I doubted what another may say check it out with the book. You can read it online at AA.org for free. There is a caveat though, as I learned, there is no way of making sense of it straight away unless you are willing to actually work your way through what is suggested and see how you feel about it at the other end.

I'm grateful I worked the steps.

And while I spent years, and more than a decade knowing I had a drinking problem, I never envisioned going to AA or doing the steps.

Even when I joined AA, I didn't make a run at the steps or get a sponsor until about 6 months in. I never participated in. I said this the other day, and people bemoaned my message, you get out what you put in.

I didn't give it away, so I got very little. Sure I heard stories, but once I embraced the program, the doors truly opened for me. The sponsor, 12 steps, and fellowship are everything now.

Bucjk if you want to understand it better, I have a good book called "The 12 steps for everyone who really wants them". I'll be happy to send you a free copy if you trust me with your address or you can get it on amazon used for a few dollars. It walks you through each of the steps in easy to understand language. It might be worth reading!

~~~Peace~~~

I will get that book off Amazon. Thanks for the tip. And thanks to all who contributed above.

For me, steps 1 and 4.
I understand a lot of people are turned off by the idea of being powerless, but in fact we are powerless over a lot things: the weather, the price of rice in China, the boss's annoying political views, and for me, the ability to control my drinking once I start. Believe me when I say I tried everything to be a normal drinker, but the fact is, I'm not. My drink of choice is MORE, and that's just the way it is. Step 1 requires me to accept that. It's the only step that mentions alcohol, and after that, it's about living sober. I'm not powerless over my own choices or behaviors when I'm not drinking, but once I pick up, all bets are off. If I ever forget that, I have no doubt I'll end up drunk.

Step 4 is about taking a moral inventory. It scares the stuffing out of a lot of people. But it gives us the opportunity not only to look back at the yukky things we did, (many of which we blamed on other people anyway), but also to confront the resentments we've been hanging onto ever since we can remember. It allows us to shine a light on the many different ways we participated in creating the crappy lives we'd been leading, and it also shows us our greatest fears, many of which were also our greatest motivators. We learned that a lot of the survival skills we needed when we were drinking weren't necessary anymore in sobriety, and the things that terrified us weren't nearly as dreadful when we examined them with a rational eye. It's been the most useful step for me, and I use it whenever I find myself getting seriously pissed off about something.

Thanks for asking. It's been a good reminder to think about these things.

Buck,

Glad to hear you are open-minded. I came in here with skepticism and fear of AA. I didn't want to be humiliated, or shamed by seeing someone I knew in public.

You know what I realized was more embarrassing? Seeing people who I knew getting DUiS and reading about it in the paper.

The first meeting I went to, some practically forced me to buy the big book. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. I went to two meetings in the next month - but read the book and began to understand and recognize the pattern.

Now I treat AA like "oh you too? Hahaha. Glad to see you here."

It's kind of like running into a buddy at drivers Ed after getting a speeding ticket. A bit of a badge of honor and fraternity.

The greatest things about the meetings are laughter, warmth, compassion and empathy. Some thing you don't get from your spouse when it comes to understanding alcoholism.

I was never going to do the steps. Then I did. I'm so grateful. Some people work them over and over but if I can stay right, and keep my own side of the street clean, I may not need to do them for a long time.

Even if you never enter the program, at least you'll understand what it's about. There are too many that call it a cult and have no real concept of what being part of the fellowship is like.

I see a lot of resemblance between AA and the church I belong to. For me, the doctrine and ceremonial trappings of my church seem a bit misleading and not really to the point of what I believe should be the focus of Christianity. Yet I enjoy the fellowship and support of the congregation as we all seem to be united on the mutual purpose of learning how to live better lives based on the direction of our spiritual leader, Jesus Christ. I don't read or study the bible and have never felt the need to turn my life over to a higher power because for me the overall message is simply to love and help one another the best you can. Beyond that, I honestly don't really feel the need for any additional religious direction. (Don't tell my pastor that!).

What I see as the biggest value of AA is the fellowship and support provided by the AA "congregation". Regardless of whether or not you agree with all the doctrine, these people are always there to help and support you. There is nothing more comforting than a family that understands you when you are facing a formidable opponent like an addiction to alcohol.

Very well said Buck. Great insight.

The higher power is in you. It really isn't godlike but people like to refind religion as they practice the program.

I'd suggest reading the big book from pages 165 on.

The first 164 are about the program.

The rest are anecdotal and enjoyable. Some you may identify with and others you won't.