Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
In August I received a text message while I was out for a girl's night (movies, window shopping, dinner) "The guys pulled my punk card, I'm being forced to drink." I shook my head and didn't respond because he promised me it would be a sober night for him. Well he ended up pulling a knife on a roommate that night. No charges filed as long as he agreed to two three month programs: one for his drinking and one for his PTSD.
Flash forward to now and he's not actually committing to the substance abuse program. I didn't want to announce in here that he was getting help until I knew for certain he was committing to it, and well he's just not. He sends me messages like "I have nothing in common with these people because they're physically addicted and I'm not. I do it because I like it." He fully admits he's not being truthful and sharing everything he could be to get everything he could be getting out of it. He says he doesn't want group hand holding sessions he wants to to tell him how he can get it under control so he can stop at a bottle a night and be good to enjoy himself. He admits that he's an angry drunk, but says if he can get the drinking under control how he is when he's drunk won't matter.
I'm at a total loss on where to go from here. I've told him the next drunk will be the last one I witness, because I just can't handle watching him destroy himself anymore. His rebuttal is always along the lines of if he can control it he won't be destroying himself so there's no reason for me to leave him over it. He gets angry and calls me a hypocrite saying I help make him the type of drunk he is today so how is it fair that I leave him for it.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Flash forward to now and he's not actually committing to the substance abuse program. I didn't want to announce in here that he was getting help until I knew for certain he was committing to it, and well he's just not. He sends me messages like "I have nothing in common with these people because they're physically addicted and I'm not. I do it because I like it." He fully admits he's not being truthful and sharing everything he could be to get everything he could be getting out of it. He says he doesn't want group hand holding sessions he wants to to tell him how he can get it under control so he can stop at a bottle a night and be good to enjoy himself. He admits that he's an angry drunk, but says if he can get the drinking under control how he is when he's drunk won't matter.
I'm at a total loss on where to go from here. I've told him the next drunk will be the last one I witness, because I just can't handle watching him destroy himself anymore. His rebuttal is always along the lines of if he can control it he won't be destroying himself so there's no reason for me to leave him over it. He gets angry and calls me a hypocrite saying I help make him the type of drunk he is today so how is it fair that I leave him for it.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
It sounds like your husband needs help with his PTSD and his drinking. He probably started drinking this way to get rid of the PTSD demons and it got out of control.
As for yourself, it is NOT your fault!!. Find an Al-Anon meeting and go. You don't even have to talk, you can sit in the back and listen.
You've got to take care of yourself. It's so important. I understand you are worried about him too. Addiction affects the entire family.
I am on my 6th day of sobriety and it feels really good. I saw what it was doing to my husband and kids. After trying therapy, AA, rehab and more, I found a solution (meds) that has helped me keep away from alcohol so that I can concentrate on the underlying issues. It isn't easy to deal with your demons when you a are drunk.
It looks like you are dealing with someone who is in denial about his problem and who has no intention of tackling it any time soon. That denial may be the result of ignorance of alcoholism which is often the case or it may be that he is afraid to face reality and an uncertain future. My suggestion to you is to look at the different possible outcomes and then decide what you should do.
If your guy is an alcoholic he is suffering from a condition that will get progressively worse if left untreated. When he gets low enough and has lost a lot of what he has he may decide to seek help but are you willing to go with him on that journey to the bottom. You cannot change him or force him to get sober but you can encourage him to genuinely seek help. A good place for you to start is to educate yourself about alcoholism and an excellent source of knowledge is the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous). At Al-Anon you will find other people who have dealt with a similar problem so it may help if you go to some meetings. By drawing on the experience of those other people you can avoid making some of the common mistakes that people make when dealing with an alcoholic family member.
If you can convince him to take the problem seriously and seek help there is a good chance that you could have a bright future. If he remains in denial, his drinking will get worse and you wont know the full extent of it because an alcoholic is good at hiding the true extent of his drinking and telling plenty of lies to cover his tracks. An alcoholic cannot control his drinking except for short periods so if he is an alcoholic he will drink more and drink more often. Blaming you for his drinking is a classic alcoholic ploy and it allows him to avoid facing the truth. His drinking is his responsibility and has nothing to do with anything you have said or done.
Where to go from here? The first scenario is that he seeks help and does whatever it takes to get sober. Second scenario is that he keeps drinking and gets progressively worse. If it is the second situation then you either learn how to live with an alcoholic or you cut your losses and leave. I know that life is not as simple as that and you are probably reluctant to take drastic action but your first priority is to your own health and wellbeing. Al-Anon can help you.