Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hello all, I joined DS a bit ago and have quietly been finding support and kindness in just reading others post in here. Thank you all for that!
I have been drinking too much, on and off for about three years now. Actually, it started out only socially upon meeting my BF, then it got a bit much after we moved in together. There have been numerous stressful dynamics for us.
Last night I had one too many and found myself fleeing the house following us arguing, then us ontop of one another in a fight, then him calling the police. I have little recollection of what actually transpired, as I was very intoxicated. I remember I was angry and told him to leave me alone and he persisted in my space. He also called the police, I have no idea what he was planning to report. I left the house and was fearful that my obvious intoxication would somehow lend me not credible and in jail so I hid in our neighborhood to sober up. Well, I ended up seeing that the police were questioning neighbors and so I approached the officers vehicle to see what we could do.
The result is that my BF is at a hotel following the encouragement of the officers to find a way to deescalate the issue.
I cannot imagine what this post sounds like to an outsider. Gosh, Im sure Id tell me to RUN as fast as you can! Im not interested in running from things that I will take with me. I need to deal with my issues somehow.
My BF is not an abusive person. He can be antagonistic, he can have BPD, NPD tendencies but he is also generally a good guy who is working hard on our relationship. We had been doing well in couples therapy. What happened last night was a very unusual incident, a culmination of some unreal stress in both our lives. (our counselor has been on vacation and unavailable over a month)
My point is that I do not believe either of us are a victim in this relationship or what happened last night and it is not typical.
Also I dont know where to begin.
I am so so so stressed out. Yes, I have been drinking much, too much lately, it is interfering in my life. I feel though that more prominent of an issue is ongoing depression and anxiety and me coping with that and finding better ways to cope things in life and with better support. Obviously, I guess these all go together well, hand in hand.
Ive seen and related to posts that express that alcohol is a symptom. I also am not feeling that AA is a good fit for me. I did look into the SMART thing that someone else mentioned in a post I read.
Really I just dont know where to go from here!!!
What do I do to not feel so isolated?????
I need to deal with the stress.that is the main issue. The alcohol needs to stop as it is just gasoline on my situation.
I have been drinking too much, on and off for about three years now. Actually, it started out only socially upon meeting my BF, then it got a bit much after we moved in together. There have been numerous stressful dynamics for us.
Last night I had one too many and found myself fleeing the house following us arguing, then us ontop of one another in a fight, then him calling the police. I have little recollection of what actually transpired, as I was very intoxicated. I remember I was angry and told him to leave me alone and he persisted in my space. He also called the police, I have no idea what he was planning to report. I left the house and was fearful that my obvious intoxication would somehow lend me not credible and in jail so I hid in our neighborhood to sober up. Well, I ended up seeing that the police were questioning neighbors and so I approached the officers vehicle to see what we could do.
The result is that my BF is at a hotel following the encouragement of the officers to find a way to deescalate the issue.
I cannot imagine what this post sounds like to an outsider. Gosh, Im sure Id tell me to RUN as fast as you can! Im not interested in running from things that I will take with me. I need to deal with my issues somehow.
My BF is not an abusive person. He can be antagonistic, he can have BPD, NPD tendencies but he is also generally a good guy who is working hard on our relationship. We had been doing well in couples therapy. What happened last night was a very unusual incident, a culmination of some unreal stress in both our lives. (our counselor has been on vacation and unavailable over a month)
My point is that I do not believe either of us are a victim in this relationship or what happened last night and it is not typical.
Also I dont know where to begin.
I am so so so stressed out. Yes, I have been drinking much, too much lately, it is interfering in my life. I feel though that more prominent of an issue is ongoing depression and anxiety and me coping with that and finding better ways to cope things in life and with better support. Obviously, I guess these all go together well, hand in hand.
Ive seen and related to posts that express that alcohol is a symptom. I also am not feeling that AA is a good fit for me. I did look into the SMART thing that someone else mentioned in a post I read.
Really I just dont know where to go from here!!!
What do I do to not feel so isolated?????
I need to deal with the stress.that is the main issue. The alcohol needs to stop as it is just gasoline on my situation.
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
Others may provide you with wiser counsel but all I can relate is my own experience.
I drank a lot, enjoyed it most of the time, eventually found that I had to stop and then discovered that I could not. One thing that I was certain about was that AA was not a good fit for me and that was without knowing anything about AA. Turned out I was wrong and thanks to AA, I have not had a drink for a good few years now.
All I can tell you is that it is better not to rule anything out, especially until you give it a try.
cunning baffling and powerful is john barleycorn...it sneaks into our life easily and is hard to get out of our life...the binge drinking is a step forward not a step away from alcohol...drinking only few maybe one time in month but drinking to drunkenness....that was me...I could stop but not stay stopped....now the idea is the first drink is that one that gets me drunk is top of mind for me....
I do AA...but the way you get sober and stay sober is a choice you make....if it is worth it to you somehow you seem to have admitted it is a problem....so change is the only alternative...drunk is not part of the alternative...sober is....hugs
I am not terribly familiar with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bi-polar I assume) and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) as I just googled them. However, the combination of the dynamics of the relationship are very complex as you say, and it is good you are seeing a couples counselor.
Now here's the kicker. In my case if I tried to figure it all out before or without getting sober I'd have been spinning my wheels, and I did that for far too long.
Totally stopping drinking if your efforts at moderation have failed is the best course of action. AA is a readily available alcohol specific support group and if nothing else puts you in contact with other people in an alcohol safe zone to ease your isolation. There are also Smart Recovery and Women for Sobriety. One of those may end up as the best fit, but all can serve a useful role for varying reasons at different points in time should you decide to go the support group direction. Please remember these groups are not a substitute for treatment of depression, nor are they equipped to deal with it...
I have been to AA and NA many years ago in support of my BF at that time. I have not tried any where I live now, and not recently. I'm sure it could be helpful, but when I say it is not for me, it feels a bit like it must if one is sitting in a Catholic church who is in fact Jewish. I don't feel right about it in that way. Having said that, I can take what I like and leave what I don't and surely could find some support in it I'm sure.
I saw someone else mention SMART programs and I had a quick look at their philosophy and feel I may prefer that. There is a group near me next week, maybe I'll go check that out. I wish someone could tell me something about it...maybe I can find an email contact on the website to ask a bit.
And Women for Sobriety for good measure: http://womenforsobriety.org/beta2/
There is also a group called Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS) that might have meetings in your area. http://www.sossobriety.org/home.html
All the above mentioned have online meetings and chat rooms I think.
Am I being overzealous yet (LOL)...
I had actually complained about my drinking to our couples therapist. I assumed I must be an alcoholic as I was at that time drinking and getting drunk just about every night. I was surprised that our therapist was more casual about it than I was. He suggested we write a contract for how we would drink. I didn't realize that he would not expect complete abstinence, as that had been what I was mostly familiar with since my days going to AA for my BF many years ago. Well the contract was helpful when it lasted, it is on the "to do" list on the fridge to sit and redo it. With my BF and I fighting, it got neglected.
I think I could actually do the moderation drinking thing, (maybe everyone oringinally says that..idk) I had drank in my past and never really had an issue at all with it. Here I am, almost 40 and it comes out of nowhere? I think I pretty much got into the habit just to deal with anxieties, so then I would need to really deal with both issues at the same time.
Crap, honestly, listening to myself is annoying me. I have no idea why. I feel like I just need to get up off my butt and go for a jog every night, and that could take care a load of issues.
*sigh* thank you
BTW, just to clarify, he has "traits," as most people tend to have traits in some direction, he does not have a personality disorder. (Yes, I meant borderline, and narcissism) I guess my point in how that complicates life is that I am always the one to gauge and direct things in the climate of our relationship. With me having a weak moment it feels like I'm not ever allowed to have a sick day and when I do, things tend to fall apart as it seems to trigger his issues.
I finally got to get to the SMART Recovery meeting. While I will not be returning to the meeting, I did get enough out of it. Many things just came together and clicked for me. In anticipation of attending, I read through much of their tools and plan to make a packet of the ones I want to work with. (The only reason I won't return for the next wk's is there is currently no other people for a group, not anything against it but I purposely was seeking it out for peer support.)
Ok, so I'm only 2 days without drinking, but I am so glad because "2days" has been a really hard struggle for months now. The best thing was that it felt ok. It was not a struggle. I did the "urge surfing" thing and it felt so much better and easier! Wow, I like it. I can't wait to use it for overheating cravings!
I feel off to a good start. I feel like I can figure this out and get what I need eclectically from several sources here and there. I didn't think I'd feel that way.
I just want to thank you....
I don't feel lost anymore, I have work to do, I have tools to work with, and it doesn't feel so stressful or hopeless.
Thanks!
So re read your post. Its not normal, its not normal drinking, its one step away from really dire consequences. When a regular Thursday night at your household involves a black out, the police, the neighbors being questioned --- there is a much bigger problem than you probably want to see at the moment.
So...stop living this way. The "stress" is part of life, but I also found that alcohol increased all the stressors when it stopped working. The situation you describe has stressed you out, as it should, but it wouldnt have ever happened without booze, right?
For me, I found help, a solution, fellowship and a way to live sober a day at a time...in AA. This week I dealt with a hugely stressful situation (culminated in a family member being sentenced to 25 years in jail). I have prayed, I've gone to meetings, I've talked to other alcoholics but I didnt drink -- and I didnt jump off a building. I would have thought before those were my two options given this situation.
Anyway, life throws curve balls. We don't need to then hit ourselves over the head with the bat rather than deal with them.
There are other options like Smart, therapy, etc. but all I needed and need is AA, God and a horse;-)
But I had to find something to fill the void booze was filling. I found a room with some ppl just like me. We lean on each other.
1is2many
It's been a few days since your original post. Hope you have found some way of dealing with all of the stress in your life, and the isolation.
I don't know what to tell you, except as PJ54 has said in reply #1 - just from my experience.
You say your BF is not an abusive person but has BPD and NPD tendencies. Are you sure you are not talking about yourself?
Alcohol has to go, for sure. And I believe (from my extensive experience with alcoholism and mental health issues) that the only way to rid yourself of this terrible dilemma is through a spiritual means. AA is a good place to start.
You don't have to stay in AA, but it may provide a good foundation to start with.