Hello Callalilly24,

Sorry to hear that you are in this difficult position but it is not a place where you have to remain. You are dealing with something that you have no power over but you certainly do have the power to do things differently.

When someone is where you are now, they make a lot of mistakes simply because nobody learns this stuff at school. One thing to always remember is that you are in no way to blame and you are not responsible for what is going on. You are however, despite your good intentions, contributing to the problem and making it worse instead of better. You are enabling your husband to carry on with his drinking and you are the one who is suffering. Take a look at the two posts below, “Are You an Enabler” and “How to Stop Enabling Behaviour”.

The first thing I would suggest is to never clean up after your husband again. When he wakes up in the morning covered in piss, he may start to realise that just maybe, his drinking might be a problem. Don’t support him by paying fines for drunk driving and never, ever let him put your children in danger through his drinking.

You are thinking about moving out but why should you be the one to go - it is the person who is creating the problem, in this case your husband, who should go. Talk to your local citizen’s advice office or a women’s group and find out what your legal entitlements are.

You are not doing your husband any favours by enabling his drinking but much worse than that, look at what it is doing to you. Look up Al-Anon meetings in your area and go along to a place where you will meet other people who have dealt with this same problem. Your family may not understand what you are going through but the people at Al-Anon will know exactly how you feel.

It is time for you to take action. You may or may not get your husband to stop drinking but you can certainly preserve your own sanity.

The only way that an alcoholic will seek help is if the pain of drinking is greater than the pain of getting sober, that said, I would not clean up anything. Waking up in pain and piss is just about the only thing that will save him
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Hey! I was facing the same situation a year ago. My husband was working in an IT firm. He had some issues in his office and was very depressed. I tried a lot to make him feel relaxed. But all my efforts were wasted. He started drinking alcohol and gradually got addicted. I was not having any idea about how to tackle the situation. One of my friends suggested me an alcohol rehabilitation program in Calgary ( http://www.canadadrugrehab.ca/ ). Now he is completely recovered and we are leading a happy life. I think your husband also has to be treated asap before the situation gets worse. All you want to do is make him realize that he is addicted and then convince him for undergoing the treatment. I can understand your situation and I wish everything gets back to normal. Give him a chance to recover and you can only pave the way for his recovery.

I would take the beer can out of his hand after he passed out so he wouldn't split it, but never had to deal with the issues you shared. I did learn that I was a co-dependent, a previous post used the term "enabler". I read a book called "Getting them Sober" which helped me understand that I need to let him be accountable for his actions. If he wanted to drive and had been drinking and wouldn't let me drive, I would not ride with him. It was very difficult....but once I was able to separate my guilt from his actions I was able to see things in a different light. For the wellbeing of you and your children I hope you will seek out a marriage counseling and Al-Anon for you and your children . He's the only one who can make the decision regarding his drinking problem. Take it one day at a time.