so is this something your hoping to change or just curious what the alcoholics think about drinking?

I was just like you....exactly....but that was prior to getting sober 19+yrs ago...

I can relate that I liked my wine, and I certainly can relate that I care about my job, but I never thought game on. I can say that I have found that I could make lots of excuses why I was not an alcoholic, why I was not like the rest, but the truth be said, I am an alcoholic. Everybody's alcoholism is different, I think, and also similar. The similarity I see is that it is hard to face the truth because it means letting go of that "love" and see that type of thinking as a trigger to continued drinking. So I will now see that wine as my poison, not my love. i will now see my wine as a wolf in sheep's clothing. Lots of nice memories surrounding drinking, but lots of horrible ones as well. Most importantly, I think alcohol is a slow creeper, and we don't see the changes in our personality as they occur. What I see in this daily strength support group is that as people have time in recovery, their thinking is stronger about sobriety and less, if at all, about reminiscing about their "love". I want what they have.

For me 5 pm any day was a time to drink. Once I had one it was a slippery slide.
Weekends were no different...
God I'm grateful to be sober!

There are times that I feel that I have control of my drinking, but I know that is UNTRUE and it is the war that I have in my head saying, 'yes I can, no I can't'.
The end result is that yes I may just have 1 this time, but next time it maybe 2, and then I will think it will be OK to drink again, and then I go full on nonstop drinking AGAIN.
I agree with Reply #2, alcohol is a creeper.
It will creep on me sooner or later.

It makes you scared because the weekend comes along and you'll go to any lengths to drink? That was my experience. Takes bloody hard effort and commitment to change, but it's doable. Commitment to self to change. Make it happen...

Hello hannahoneday,

As someone who loved whiskey almost as much as life itself I can relate to your story. I thought that I was controlling drinking for many years and I probably was to some extent. However, I did not realize at the time that I was in the grips of alcoholism and that drinking would progress to a level where I had to choose between sobriety and disaster.

I would urge you to look into how alcoholism develops and the differences in mind and body between a normal drinker and an alcoholic. The first difference is that an alcoholic forms an obsession of the mind where alcohol is concerned. A so-called normal drinker will have a few drinks now and again but will not feel a need to control it. On the other hand you seem to be afraid to drink during the week because it would affect your job but drinking at the weekend has become an obsession for you.

The second difference is that an alcoholic develops an abnormal physical reaction in the body to alcohol; this results in a craving in the body for more alcohol once a drink is taken. It may be that you are suffering from this type of reaction and the result is that once you take a drink at the weekend you immediately crave more alcohol and as you say, its game on.

Based on my own experience with alcoholism I think that if you keep drinking you are likely to progress to a stage where you will not only be drinking more at the weekends but will eventually start drinking during the week as well. This is likely to happen gradually where you may start finding a genuine reason to have a few drinks in midweek. Eventually it goes to drinking every day, drinking during working hours, leaving work early to drink etc. That has been my experience at least.

I still love whiskey but these days I dont drink it or indeed any other alcoholic drink and that is a miracle. I thought that I was in control of drinking but then I heard someone say: Control, compared to what? You may need to ask yourself that same question.

It's not so much "the weekend" as it is when I'm in a safe place (usually home), where I can drink as much as I want and pass out and still be safe. So . . . if I'm out somewhere - even Vegas - I am in more control of myself. Don't know if that makes sense or not.

I want to echo the idea that alcohol is a "creeper." You start out thinking it's all fun and games, and then it builds and builds. You start doing things you never dreamed of - like taking shots of vodka first thing in the morning before anyone else is out of bed to "catch" you (sometimes with a vicodin boost - on an empty stomach). What non-alcoholic person would do that?

I'm past that "phase" of my life - but it let me know I had a real problem with alcohol.

You need to do some soul-searching and decide what's really important to you. If being blizted all weekend is really that important, then you'll figure out a way to keep doing it. Somehow - I don't think it is.

We have a saying in AA about fear. Fear is a separation between me and my Higher Power. I could not cut back and I could not quit on my own. I tried hundreds of times and finally surendered. I had to rely on a Power greater then myself.

That was 6 plus years ago. Today I have a great life and I have never been happier! My hope is for everyone to have that same happiness and contentment that I have!

God Bless!

Boy, do I understand your dilemma. Been there,done that. I thought I was in "control" of how much I drank. I thought I loved my kids more than life itself. But those were lies. I loved vodka above all else.

I eventually progressed to daily drinking, then to having the "hair of the dog" in the mornings. What started out as my best friend turned on me. It was only after the vodka stopped working that I became willing to seek out help. As long as you "love" the whiskey, sobriety will elude you. Welcome to the group by the way. Keep reading! Hugs, Dianna