Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
me to know the truth about my drinking??
Yes it was important for me to know if I was alcholic or not. The reason for this was I needed to remove all doubt that one day I may be able to drink again. When people told me it did not matter if I was or not it just allowed me to hold onto the idea that I was not, and for this alcoholic that thought would always be dangerous.
For me not to know for sure would always leave that lingering doubt in minid and as my disease is cunning, baffling and powerful at some point it would have lead me to drink again on the belief that I was not an alcoholic. It was imperative I knew the truth.
Why do I know I am alcoholic; because when I put alcohol in I cannot control how much I drink. For me has nothing to do with loss of licences, going to goal, bankrupt, divorces etc etc all these things for me are just the dramas of drinking.
G8
Yes it was important for me to know if I was alcholic or not. The reason for this was I needed to remove all doubt that one day I may be able to drink again. When people told me it did not matter if I was or not it just allowed me to hold onto the idea that I was not, and for this alcoholic that thought would always be dangerous.
For me not to know for sure would always leave that lingering doubt in minid and as my disease is cunning, baffling and powerful at some point it would have lead me to drink again on the belief that I was not an alcoholic. It was imperative I knew the truth.
Why do I know I am alcoholic; because when I put alcohol in I cannot control how much I drink. For me has nothing to do with loss of licences, going to goal, bankrupt, divorces etc etc all these things for me are just the dramas of drinking.
G8
It wasn't until my dr's ran liver tests and put me on meds that I can only have a couple drinks on that I KNEW in my heart and soul that I cannot control that obsession and desire.
Cheers for posting this!
I was so fortunate to come across the group of women I met at the first meeting I went to - there were several other 'high bottom drunks' like me in the room. It may have taken me much longer to accept if it wasn't so obvious that I was in the right place. I like to think it was more than coincidence that found that meeting for me : )
We can sometimes get distracted by events that happened as the result of our drinking being out of control. Lost jobs, friends, families, embarrassing incidents etc. These are different for all of us so some with be able to relate to them others wont.
The importan thing for me to focus on was that all those things happened because I was not in control ofe my drinking - I had lost the power of choice where alcohol was concerned.
When I had a drink I was not able to control how much I drank. The answer to that was not to drink at all but due to problems with a mental obsession I would always end up taking the insane step of having a drink however much I had decided and was determined not to. I couldnt make a choice not to drink and reliably stick to it. The time would always come when my defences would let me down and I would drink.
It wasnt unti I understood this that i began to see why all the things that I had tried to keep myself sober didnt work. I saw how the only answer was abstinence and how I could not keep myself abstinent - I was going to need another way to do it. I couldnt do it by choice and will power alone. The desire to be sober is not enough to keep me sober.
Other people may have a different problem with alcohol but that is mine. They may have another solution but mine needs to be one that takes into account that I cant use my willpower. Any time that I share anything that implies that I can stay sober long term and reliably on my own power is not my truth.
I had to accept all of this in order to understand that unless I embraced the solution that was offered to me I was in a hopeless state and would not be able to stay sober. And that any time I drank the amount I drank would not be withing my control.
Also for me, personally, I could control how much I drank when I drank. Not every time, but often. And that kept me in denial for a long time. What I couldnt control was the craving. I craved the minute I drank and the more I drank, the more I craved. I was never just "finished." I'd stop myself, or I'd be removed from the situation by outside circumstances and obligations. I knew when I admitted to that phenomenom of craving. When I controlled, I didnt enjoy. When I really enjoyed, I didnt control.
I did not know I was an alcoholic until I was 32 and someone told me what an alcoholic was. The experience that I had at my first meeting was "Oh my God, you mean other people have these thoughts too?" I knew then that I was not alone anymore. I knew without a doubt that I fit right in.
My problem was not due to lack of knowledge about my alcoholism. I suppose it had more to do with the fact that for a long time I just wanted to go back to the every day functional alcoholic drinking. I knew I was an alcoholic - I did not know that the progression couldn't be reversed. I guess I did not fully accept the prognosis for myself. I had to keep going back to "try again". All I wanted was to be able to get drunk without having a train wreck multi-day weeklong or more bender. That just became an impossible fantasy at the end.
I stopped drinking finally because I was utterly defeated. Alcohol no longer worked. I got nothing but an insatiable ravenous craving out of it that never seemed to end. Drinking was equivalent to hell. To ABSTAIN entirely was just the only option.
Don't know if I answered your question.... I guess what I am saying is, I needed more than the knowledge of my alcoholism. I needed proof that I could not function as a active alcoholic.
I knew I had a problem with alcohol for years and years but it wasnt until i got to AA with a desire to stop drinking that I found out exactly what that problem was, that other people had it and that there was a tailor made solution for it.
Understanding the problem was the final convincer for me that there was good reason why I would not be able to stay permanently sober based on will power alone.
I knew I was an alki before I even became one full time. It seemed like my destiny, and I found it a bit sad and romantic. I pictured my life as a tortured soul, destined for hell in this lifetime, but in a quite lovely way with a romantic twist. It was not until I literally was almost dead that I thought "sheez, this isn't working out how I had planned-I wanted to be like the female Earnest Hemmingway......"
So yea, I think that I knew always I was an addict and an alki-but it wasn't until much later that I had any interest in doing something real and long lasting about it.