Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Sunday was day 13 for me and we went to another couple's house for dinner. I didn't realize it was the man's birthday and so there was a champagne toast. I just had a sip or two and that as it.
But then at dinner we had steak and of course there was red wine. I knew I shouldn't have any but I did - but I was "good" and only had about 2 glasses.
I didn't get drunk and my wife andI came home and went to bed. So I knew I had broken the no-alcohol rule but I felt "ok" because I had moderated my intake.
However, last night I crashed and burned.
The evening started out well - my wife and I had dinner and she had a glass of white wine with dinner. She poured herself a second glass before we moved to our living room. She fell asleep on the couch almost immediately and so there was basically a full glass of white wine on the table in front of me.
I was going through old slides that my father had taken - and yesterday also happen to be the 1 year anniversary of my father passing away.
As I was going through the slides I finally gave in and took a sip of the wine and then another.. and by the time this story ends I drank the rest of the bottle and of course wound up drunk.
The crazy thing is - I knew I shouldn't be doing it - I was careful to go in and out of the kitchen quietly and open the fridge quietly and pour the wine quietly.. I knew if my wife woke up she would be mad at me for drinking and I didn't want to get caught. Of course, in the morning she knew I had finished the bottle so it wasn't like I was going to get away with it. So why did I think I could?
I also knew today wouldn't be a work day because of the crazy snow storm so it was like there were less repercussions. But that's a stupid attitude since my wife is still upset with me, I still feel hung over and mroe anxious and mixing alcohol with my heavy dose of anxiety meds is still dangerous.
I'm sure that having the wine on Sunday retriggered the cravings that I had not been noticing as much and then as I said it all went off the wheels.
We are going to Florida on Saturday and because of my anxiety I definitely won't drink again because getting on a plane is a major step/challenge for me and getting back in control over my anxiety. And we are staying for a few days with a friend who has gone through AA and so the silver lining is that between today and the day we return from Florida will be 12 days so I'll be right back to where I was.
I talked to my wife about all this stuff this morning and how the days when we return are critical as far as me staying away from alcohol and temptation.
And I'll also look back and feel good about saying that I went 24 out of 26 days without alcohol rather than getting too down on myself about being back at day 1 now.
I also realize that I had gotten away from my daily routine of each morning and evening reading my list of why I shouldn't drink so I have to get back to doing that as well.
Rich
But then at dinner we had steak and of course there was red wine. I knew I shouldn't have any but I did - but I was "good" and only had about 2 glasses.
I didn't get drunk and my wife andI came home and went to bed. So I knew I had broken the no-alcohol rule but I felt "ok" because I had moderated my intake.
However, last night I crashed and burned.
The evening started out well - my wife and I had dinner and she had a glass of white wine with dinner. She poured herself a second glass before we moved to our living room. She fell asleep on the couch almost immediately and so there was basically a full glass of white wine on the table in front of me.
I was going through old slides that my father had taken - and yesterday also happen to be the 1 year anniversary of my father passing away.
As I was going through the slides I finally gave in and took a sip of the wine and then another.. and by the time this story ends I drank the rest of the bottle and of course wound up drunk.
The crazy thing is - I knew I shouldn't be doing it - I was careful to go in and out of the kitchen quietly and open the fridge quietly and pour the wine quietly.. I knew if my wife woke up she would be mad at me for drinking and I didn't want to get caught. Of course, in the morning she knew I had finished the bottle so it wasn't like I was going to get away with it. So why did I think I could?
I also knew today wouldn't be a work day because of the crazy snow storm so it was like there were less repercussions. But that's a stupid attitude since my wife is still upset with me, I still feel hung over and mroe anxious and mixing alcohol with my heavy dose of anxiety meds is still dangerous.
I'm sure that having the wine on Sunday retriggered the cravings that I had not been noticing as much and then as I said it all went off the wheels.
We are going to Florida on Saturday and because of my anxiety I definitely won't drink again because getting on a plane is a major step/challenge for me and getting back in control over my anxiety. And we are staying for a few days with a friend who has gone through AA and so the silver lining is that between today and the day we return from Florida will be 12 days so I'll be right back to where I was.
I talked to my wife about all this stuff this morning and how the days when we return are critical as far as me staying away from alcohol and temptation.
And I'll also look back and feel good about saying that I went 24 out of 26 days without alcohol rather than getting too down on myself about being back at day 1 now.
I also realize that I had gotten away from my daily routine of each morning and evening reading my list of why I shouldn't drink so I have to get back to doing that as well.
Rich
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Dick Van Dyke’s path to sobriety was a turning point in his life and career. Here’s what happened:How He Got SoberStruggles and Realization: Van Dyke began drinking as a teenager, largely to cope with shyness and social anxiety. Alcohol made him feel more comfortable in social settings, but over time, his drinking spiraled out of control. By his mid-40s, he recognized that he had an addictive...
Lists never helped me because when the crazy thinking overtook the logical thinking (and I could never see that coming), a list was the last thing I thought about.
Did you attend any more online meetings? I know you suffer with anxiety, as did I, but face to face is very powerful and maybe your AA friend could take you to a meeting or two while you are in Florida. It would be a good opportunity for an introduction.
When I began to go through the recovery programme I found a "sponsor" - someone who had been through the 12 Steps before me and we met on a one to one basis. That helped relieve my anxiety a lot and then I did not think twice about attending meetings. Anxiety is so common amongst alcoholic's that people understand and try to put you at ease.
Don't be hard on yourself, much of the early days was trial and error for me too because my mind was working against me staying sober much of the time.
Oh I know all too well about quietly going to the kitchen while the fianc is sleeping on the couch because, not only if he wakes up will he be mad, but if he's awake I won't be able to have nearly as many drinks because he will notice how often I am getting them.
I think it's great to talk to your wife and come up with a plan for when you get back from Florida. Hopefully she is very supportive and can try to help you, although I have found that the best advice comes from people who have dealt with alcoholism.
My fianc doesn't understand why I can't just have one or 2 drinks.....I don't understand how he can open up a beer, take a sip, and leave it on the table and forget about it?!?! I could never, ever, leave a drink unfinished. That is, unless I passed out.
Don't feel bad about messing up. Today is a new day to be sober and you should be proud of the 24 out of 26 days. Best of luck.
The 24 of 26 days will be when we return from Florida so it hasn't happened yet.. but I'm confident it will.
Fairilse - my anxiety is not about meetings, its travel related anxiety. It started for me in 2003 and I had it under control with medication and therapy and then in 2010 my Dad got sick and my anxiety got worse and I was unable to get on the subway (I lived in NYC at the time) and had other mini panic attacks. It continued to get worse and peaked around this time last year after my Dad passed away. I'm on a higher dose of meds as well as some new meds plus going to talk therapy once a week and so I'm feeling much better about my anxiety and confident I'll be able to get on the plane to Florida.
One of the things on my list of "why I shouldn't drink" is the potentially dangerous combination of alcohol and my meds.
Rich
For me once I realized I *couldnt* moderate, at least not for any stretch of time, I had to accept I was and am alcoholic. Once I accepted *that,* the "nice" glass of wine with dinner wasnt an option. Alcoholics don't get to have a glass of wine. We just don't. We have to close the door on that option. Till then its slippery slopes.
I originally started out with the theory that I was going to moderate my intake but then after more drunk nights I realized that I can't moderate.
The only exception to this seems to be when I'm out and I have to drive. That is the thing that seems to allow me to moderate my drinking because of course I don't want to get into an accident or get a DWI. So the dinner at our friends on Sunday I moderated because I was driving but it made me think that I could moderate always, however, the next night when I was home and had no where to go, I didn't moderate.
And ultimately, I really want to stop drinking completely because of the anxiety - not only the dangerous combination of meds and alcohol but because I always feel more anxious the day after drinking, even if I have moderated my intake. So even if I "could" moderate, I want to stop completely.
Rich
Thing for me was that I have a fabulous "forgetter". As soon as I would start to feel better the thoughts would creep back ... That's why I was finally able to get some decent sobriety by making a meeting daily. It just keeps the issue out in the open where I can see it and not forget. Coming here and reading others posts helps me a lot too!
1is2many
One thing that surprised me when i quit was realizing how anxious drinking had made me. I was always anxious when I was drinking and I did not realize how bad it was until it gradually lifted over a couple of months.
it sounds like your trip to Florida will get you back on track. You could even check out an AA meeting with your friend. The routines you establish as a nondrinker like reading your list should also help.