Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Good Morning --
As I mentioned last night I broke down and drank and also ate leftover Halloween candy so today I feel like crap.
I was thinking as I laid in bed this morning of all the "benefits" of alcohol
1) My head hurts because I"m hung over
2) I have a stomach ache because of the crap I ate
3) My heart is racing and I feel anxious
4) My wife is pissed at me and not talking to me
Isn't it great? LOL
I don't know why I think that having a glass of wine after a stressful work day will relax me or calm me down. I also don't know why I still think I can have just 1 or 2.
And once I've started down the path and making bad choices there is still a little voice in my head telling me to stop, telling me that I shouldn't be drinking or eating the candy, etc. Why don't I listen to that voice?
Some of you have suggested therapy - I am in therapy for my anxiety although I have not spoken to my doctor about my drinking or than stopping in the days leading up to a plane ride, etc.
I really don't think AA is for me. However, I think I do need to find a local support person who I can talk to on the phone or in person.
This morning my wife was mad at me of course, but I pointed out it would be much easier for me to not drink if she didn't drink either but her response was not very supportive, although I can't say that, if the roles were reversed, I would have been very supportive for her this morning either.
However, that does bring me to another topic, which is related to my wife's health and sleeping patterns. My wife has always been an early riser but recently she's been falling asleep early (like 8pm) on the couch. This, in turn, leads to her waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning, staying awake for a few hours and then coming back to sleep. She'll then still get up around 7am but sometime during the day she'll take a nap.
I've suggested that part of the reason she falls asleep early is because of the wine she drinks with dinner. I've also suggested that she take a magneseum supplement - I bought some to take myself because I read that it can help repair damage done by alcohol but a magneseum definciancy can also effect your sleep parttern. I've also suggested that she stop drinking - if only for two weeks and start taking melotonin before bed and also not take naps and work to stay away until 10 or 11pm and once she wakes up, stay up. I'd like her to have a more regular sleep pattern because her being up and down from bed disrupts my own sleep and so I wake up tired or don't want to get out of bed, etc. In addition, she sometimes snores - some nights worse than others. I think the alcohol may play a part in her snoring as well.
Anyway, when I've tried to discuss these things with her she is dismissive, even when I try to nicely point out that her sleep patterns effect me negatively.
Not that any of this is related to my drinking but of course if I could get her to stop drinking as a trial run to change her sleep habits it would be a lot easier for me to not drink and maybe she would get into a sleep cycle more inline with my own. I would even go to bed at 10pm and get up at 7am if that's what she did and we both got a good nights sleep.
So I know the last part of this post is sort of a rant unrelated to my drinking but it is something that frustrates me and something that came up last night because I was drunk and obnoxious. But even sober and not obnoxious I stand by my desire to help her regulate her sleep schedule because I think it would be better for her health as well as my own.
Rich
As I mentioned last night I broke down and drank and also ate leftover Halloween candy so today I feel like crap.
I was thinking as I laid in bed this morning of all the "benefits" of alcohol
1) My head hurts because I"m hung over
2) I have a stomach ache because of the crap I ate
3) My heart is racing and I feel anxious
4) My wife is pissed at me and not talking to me
Isn't it great? LOL
I don't know why I think that having a glass of wine after a stressful work day will relax me or calm me down. I also don't know why I still think I can have just 1 or 2.
And once I've started down the path and making bad choices there is still a little voice in my head telling me to stop, telling me that I shouldn't be drinking or eating the candy, etc. Why don't I listen to that voice?
Some of you have suggested therapy - I am in therapy for my anxiety although I have not spoken to my doctor about my drinking or than stopping in the days leading up to a plane ride, etc.
I really don't think AA is for me. However, I think I do need to find a local support person who I can talk to on the phone or in person.
This morning my wife was mad at me of course, but I pointed out it would be much easier for me to not drink if she didn't drink either but her response was not very supportive, although I can't say that, if the roles were reversed, I would have been very supportive for her this morning either.
However, that does bring me to another topic, which is related to my wife's health and sleeping patterns. My wife has always been an early riser but recently she's been falling asleep early (like 8pm) on the couch. This, in turn, leads to her waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning, staying awake for a few hours and then coming back to sleep. She'll then still get up around 7am but sometime during the day she'll take a nap.
I've suggested that part of the reason she falls asleep early is because of the wine she drinks with dinner. I've also suggested that she take a magneseum supplement - I bought some to take myself because I read that it can help repair damage done by alcohol but a magneseum definciancy can also effect your sleep parttern. I've also suggested that she stop drinking - if only for two weeks and start taking melotonin before bed and also not take naps and work to stay away until 10 or 11pm and once she wakes up, stay up. I'd like her to have a more regular sleep pattern because her being up and down from bed disrupts my own sleep and so I wake up tired or don't want to get out of bed, etc. In addition, she sometimes snores - some nights worse than others. I think the alcohol may play a part in her snoring as well.
Anyway, when I've tried to discuss these things with her she is dismissive, even when I try to nicely point out that her sleep patterns effect me negatively.
Not that any of this is related to my drinking but of course if I could get her to stop drinking as a trial run to change her sleep habits it would be a lot easier for me to not drink and maybe she would get into a sleep cycle more inline with my own. I would even go to bed at 10pm and get up at 7am if that's what she did and we both got a good nights sleep.
So I know the last part of this post is sort of a rant unrelated to my drinking but it is something that frustrates me and something that came up last night because I was drunk and obnoxious. But even sober and not obnoxious I stand by my desire to help her regulate her sleep schedule because I think it would be better for her health as well as my own.
Rich
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Dick Van Dyke’s path to sobriety was a turning point in his life and career. Here’s what happened:How He Got SoberStruggles and Realization: Van Dyke began drinking as a teenager, largely to cope with shyness and social anxiety. Alcohol made him feel more comfortable in social settings, but over time, his drinking spiraled out of control. By his mid-40s, he recognized that he had an addictive...
I feel your pain. Of course her sleep pattern is related to her drinking. Same thing happens to me. Anyway I was in your boat this week. Still feeling guilty but working threw it. My husband drinks a lot too. I did notice last night that he hadn't been drinking that much this week. Not sure why I had to do it in his place. Anyway good luck with your wife and just get back on the wagon. I'm with you.
But AA isn't for you?
The struggle is real. Sounds like step 1 is one that you should take a long hard look at.
Sorry to hear you relapsed. Nothing to do but get right back on that wagon and try again.
I wouldn't sweat the Halloween candy, I think around this time of year everyone is eating that delicious stuff, I know I have been. Fun size!
My wife back when I was married didn't like my drinking either and we fought over it often. Finally she committed suicide partially to get away from it. Don't let that happen to you. Marriages end over drinking. It is very destructive.
From what you've said here about your wife's sleep schedule and drinking it sound like you are projecting your own issues onto controlling her. This is something my boyfriend does also. I think it's best to mostly be concerned with what you can do for yourself to help yourself stop drinking and don't worry about your wife. People sleep when they sleep. Sometime they can't control it and you just get strife when you try to control someone else's sleep patterns.
It might help both of you to stop drinking if you do it together though, and agree to keep alcohol out of the house together. A united front could help you both.
If AA isn't for you, which I certainly understand, it's not for me either, you could start working with your therapist on these issues. I do that and it helps a lot. One-on-one therapy is very helpful for addiction but you have to be willing to talk about the issues and open up with your therapist in order to do the work.
Drinking certainly can mess up your sleep patterns and can also cause snoring. I used to snore like a chainsaw when I drank. I also had symptoms like sleep apnea. I would wake up in the night was a snort and need to take a deep breath.
I think the idea of individual and joint counseling is a good one. Like Andrea said, that therapist can listen and help you determine the best course of action to help you quit AND stay sober.
I think that if a person says that they're not interested in AA, then respect their decision and leave it at that.
My friend, first just get back up. On the horse, in the wagon...whatever you want to call it.
I am going to echo some others on this post, you can't control her, don't try, in fact it could be she be rebelling a bit against that with you, and that is why she is refusing to take any of your suggestions. Lead by example my friend.
I understand the lack of sleep, I drank to sleep, my husband of 13 years (now separated-not about drinking) - he couldn't sleep without the TV, so he would channel surf for hours (knowing that I could not sleep while it was on)....then he would toss and turns cause he drank caffeine until late in the evening (even though I begged him not too), so even though he was asleep, he was kicking me and I was not. Now this was one of my "excuses" to drink. And BTW I was so good at drinking... I would wait until he was asleep, then I would get up and drink... not sure if that is a comment on stealthiness or if my denial was so deep that it carried over. To this day he does not know I have a drinking problem. He never liked me when I was drunk, but he only saw it once or twice a year in social situations. Maybe I have a career as a super spy (just kidding).
I know it sounds weird, but perhaps sleep on the couch for a bit, so you can get some shut eye? just an idea, not sure about your situation.
Sorry you are having a rough time... and as for the candy... I ate my weight in peanut butter cups - so you are off the hook there :)
Good Luck and Stay Strong.
As luck would have it, Thursdays are the day when I see my therapist and so I talked to him about a lot of these things and he echoed when many of you are saying - basically I have to let my wife decide on her own to change her eating/drinking/sleeping habits.
He did say that if I discussed with her that her sleep habits are having a negative effect on me that perhaps she would be more willing to do something about that out of concern for me. On the other hand, we do have a guest room so that is an option as well. My parents eventually slept in separate rooms because my Dad started to snore loudly when he got older.
Rich
I will never forget the day I decided. It was very similar, the wife was mad, the world was against me.
The thing is I am an alcoholic. I have a issue stopping when I start. I used to booze it up everyday. Now I dont
Good Luck on your Journey. It's all what you decide to make of it.
1is2many