Hi campstyles and welcome to the group, gald you are here.

How much do you know about alcoholism? Your descrption of your drinking is very very similar to mine and I found out about alcoholism and it explained why my drinking was like that.

I found I suffered from something called the phenomenon of craving which means that my body reacts differently to alcohol than other people's. If I have a drink instead of reducing the desire for a drink it increases it and I drink more and more. I cant control the amount I drink, cant stop when I intend to - well very rarely anyway.

I tried to stop drinking because I knew that once I started I couldnt control it but i always found that I ended up drinking again. I found that this was called the mental obsession. The way my mind works in relation to alcohol is twisted and however much I dont want to drink and know it is a bad idea eventually at some point my mind tells me lies about how it will be ok, be different, I deserve etc. Eventually at some point these thoughts override the sensible thoughts about not drinking and I end up drunk again.

That is a horrible place to be in my experience as I was stuck in a cycle. I dont want to drink, end up drinking, lose control, end up feeling terrible, say I wont drink, end up drinking, lose control etc etc etc - round in the same circle again and again seemingly with no way out which made me feel helpless and hopeless.

Does this seem to describe your experiences at all?

By the way I have now been sober for a few years so though it seemed hopeless there is a way out :-)

Welcome Rita. There are many here who are just like you and I'm glad you realized that you have a problem. Sober out of inconvenience huh? Well, there are many times when we initially become sober for strange reasons, but it's a good start. Any shaking or agitation? If not, count yourself lucky......drink plenty of water, and try to go for a walk if possible.....just don't go towards the liquor store.

One again, welcome.

Well yes, that is how I am now, but in the past I didnt feel the need to drink like I do now. It wasn't until I started having problems that I began to get drunk alot, and when my life became worse, so did the drinking. I started to want to drink to feel good and escape my problems. Months ago I realised that I had better start facing all my problems, and try to fix them instead of hiding behind the alcohol. When I didn't have all the problems I have now, I did not drink. I think that I do have a few issues outside of the drinking. Plus I like how it feels when I drink. Lately I feel aggitated adn annoyed when I am sober. That is something that I will need to work on before I start to piss off the people I love and drive them away. i also stopped doing all the things that made me happy. So I will try to pick up my old sober hobbies, and I hope that helps me out. Congratulations on being sober for a few years. I hope that I can be able to do that too. I don't know how I will do it when even right now I wish I was drinking!

No Jack, no shaking, but I am easily aggravated. One weekend when I wasnt drinking on sunday, i found myself being rude to my boyfriend for no reason, and being pissed off. I knew it was because I wasn't drinking. Have any of you ever been to rehab and told not to drink coffee or soda? A couple years ago I had met some ladies who were in a rehab for addictions, and they told me they were not allowd to drink anything with sugar or caffein. I can kind of understand why now, because I go crazy on the pots of coffee, and soda and juice when I am not drinking. And of course that makes me feel jumpy and nervous.

Bing agitated and annoyed is typical when you're off alcohol for a short period of time.....part of it is simple withdrawal because your body is used to the alcohol.

As far as having issues other than drinking, that would be true of most of us......drinking is a symptom, but it can eclipse everything else in your life if you're not careful.

By the way jack, I was half joking about the sober due to inconvenience thing. I have been known to take a taxi specifically to go to the liquor store, or just walk. There are convenience stores and a liquor store right around the corner. If I was in one of my determined moods I would have already gone hours ago. I am just choosing not to. Plus I have realised how much money I spend on drinking, and am embarassed to say I can easily spend anywhere from $30 to $100 per week depending on what I want to have. i started to recently take a look at how I am spending my money, and on what, and apparantly alcohol was another bill for me! I have to pay about a total of $3000 to get my drivers license back, and I believe had I been sober, I would have paid that off by now, and am feeling liek a loser for being so irresponsible, but I don't want to dwell on my past forever. I am trying to move forward and in a more positive way hopefully :)

Rita, alcoholism ( and i am not saying you have it, that would be for you to decide) is a progressive condition meaning that it gets worse over time. So things we may have been able to do in the past we cannot do anymore because alcohol has more control over us than it once did.

I hope for you that it turns out that you are drinking because of problems, you will be able to resolve those problems and therefore no longer have a reason to drink and will be able to stop or control your drinking.

It turned out for me that things were the other way round, I thought I was drinking because I was getting bigger problems but actually I was getting bigger problems because I was drinking. I realised that because of the craving and obsession it didnt matter whether I had problems or not, I would always end up drinking.

But I still was able to find a solution, even though solving all my other problems wasnt it. I had to get sober to solve my problems rather than solve my problems to be sober, if that makes sense.

Just wanted you to know that I hope very much that your plan works and dealing with issues and building up a new lifestyle doing the things that make you happy works for you.

But in the event that it doesnt solve your drinking problem there are other solutions available and I would be happy to share them with you anytime in the future, whether tomorrow, next month or next year.

Will be good to share in your experience as you put your plans into action.

I will have to agree with you Nicky. I think if all my problems were solved today, I would probably still find an excuse to get a bottle of something and drink as much of it as I possibly could! I am open to any suggestions for help that you or anyone has to offer. I am just scared right now because I feel I have spiraled out of control over these years, and while I am saying today that I have a problem and want to change, I also know I have said it before, so who is to say I wont go to the store on friday like I always do and start drinking again? I am concerned I could develop some sort of disease of my liver if I havnt already, and be sick or die young. Even though I know this could happen, I still can't say I wont drink and follow thru. So I am willing to take any advise

Hey Rita, if you think that you have spiralled out of control and probably cant get it back due to the phenomenon of craving and mental obsession that I mentioned earlier (assuming they describe your experience) would you agree that you are powerless over your situation with regard to drinking because you cant control the bodily phenomenon of craving or the mental obsession with your own will, power, mind?

That based on past experience nothing you can do will stop you repeating that trip to the store and then once you start you will drink more than you intend? And repeat......

That was the case for me and the solution for me was about finding a different source of power as I didnt have enough.

Hey Rita! I started drinking every night in 1995 (I think) and it got worse and worse, no better ever ever... :)

I said the same thing, I'd stop at just a couple of drinks & it always turned into a couple of bottles. It's great that you came here instead of asking for a ride to the liquor store, that's a great accomplishment in itself & you should be proud.

Stick around & welcome to the group! :)

P.S. It's okay to be scared, it is scary as hell...but asking for help shows much courage. You're probably stronger than ya thought! :)

Thanks everyone! I will definitely come here everyday if I can. It is pretty scary to be able to drink bottles of wine in one day, when everyone else only has 1 or 2 glasses. Or to be able to drink a bottle of hard liquor and not have alcohol poisoning or worse! I know it's wrong when I am doing it. I just hope I can stay away from it. One time I was in the hospital about to stroke to death from my blood pressure being high enough to go in a coma. I know it was from drinking, but I didn't tell the dr that, even though he suspected it. That was about 2 years, and I STILL started drinking a week or 2 after that!!!! So ya, I have some serious problem here!

Rita ,good idea to come here and read as much of people's experience as you can. You will then start to recognise more about your drinking an also the ways in which people have been able to stop.

Your experience in the hospital and then drinking a couple of weeks later reminds me of some of the things that happened to me where I would think i must have learned my lesson this time and then be drunk again a short time afterwards.