Eventually, I got tired of pissing off my family, so when my wife visited a lawyer to file for divorce, that was all the motivation I needed to go into outpatient treatment!

God Bless

Thanks Bob! I have tried outpatient treatment and was told that I just need to stop....well duh! My husband wants me to not drink unless it's a social event because that would seem "uncomfortable". So...I am allowed to drink socially, within reason, but not at home and not above and beyond what is deemed appropriate. The problem is once I have one drink, I want more, and more. That is not normal or healthy! Healthy drinkers don't even think about it!

Hello Kateremade,

One telling statement that you have made is: “The problem is once I have one drink, I want more, and more. That is not normal or healthy!” You are absolutely correct in thinking that it is not normal or healthy and despite what your counsellors have told you, I would say from my experience that you are addicted to alcohol.

When one drink leads to many more it indicates that the drinker has developed a physical craving for alcohol and that is one of the symptoms of alcoholism. The craving gets stronger with each drink and you end up with “more and more”. A person who has this condition cannot drink safely at all and the only healthy option is to quit drinking completely.

The other half of the alcoholic equation is that the drinker becomes obsessed with alcohol. You can fight against such an obsession and stay sober for weeks or even months but it is hard work and the obsession always wins out in the end. Maybe it is time for you to stop fighting a battle that you cannot win and accept the reality that you cannot drink.

Many people who are in your position find the answers through Alcoholics Anonymous. What your husband thinks is irrelevant in this situation – you need to do this for yourself

I dont want one, I want oblivion.

It was actually worse for me to try and limit my alcohol. It was like torture. So today I admit that I like the effect that alcohol produces. Any other way is torture IMHO.

And from all my experience, what any professional says doesnt matter. its what I say that matters

I am alcoholic. I just process alcohol differently. Im not a bad, or immoral person, just alcoholic. By calling out my issue I deflate it.

Besides who that can normally drink seeks out help for drinking? Psyc help or internet forums? That is enough of a diagnosis right there. If i dont start, the mental TORTURE never happens.

1is2many

Kate,

Your husband's rules likely aren't going to keep you from troubles.

I found when I limited myself that the next opportunity I could drink, I'd catch up.

I absolutely had an obsession of the mind whether I didn't have a drink for a few days or a few months.

Occasionally a social situation will be awkward without alcohol, but what I know is that I won't be the one making a fool of myself anymore.

Sounds like you still have some searching to do if you still desire a drink. Keep working on it!

Thanks for your responses. I do think that I am an alcoholic or I would not have sought help. And I do understand why the counselors gave the opinion that they did, I think even professionals have a hard time understanding this addiction. To me the fact that I am struggling with this and questioning my own behavior proves that it is an addiction versus just a dependence on alcohol to "self-medicate" in times of stress. Where I am right now is taking an inventory of sorts starting with when has drinking ever really made things better? Easier to relax at times, yes. Better.....no, I can't say better. I need to understand how going to an AA meeting and talking about drinking solves the problem though. It just seems like that would feed the obsession and I am not being disrespectful here, I am just asking a question. Thanks!

Booze is/was/only the tip of the iceberg. The drinking act was about 10 percent of my problem. I have many other things that get crossways. I found that if I become a better person, dont have resentments ( very hard for me, in my head i RELIVE THINGS which is the definition of a resentment, my mom would scold me, resentment, my neighbor is better looking, resentment, that Ferrari, f that guy hes a ....... ) and dont cause others harm, and apologize, and live a fulfilling life, I dont have to drink. I didnt even realize that I had these things going on until I looked in the eye of another and then finally looked in the mirror.
It is a mental disease and the way that I keep it at bay today is to try to be better, I keep the job, keep the appointments, keep the engagement with life. See I was just coasting and not going anywhere... drinking til 1 and then sleeping in and being hungover. I dont miss that. I do miss the romance sometines of the glassware or the atmosphere or etc. ( fill in the blank excuse ) but I dont miss drinking till the mind doesnt work and then ( insert bad experience here ). Today i will steer clear of a drink, things are better that way. you can too
1-2
1-2

oh my! Your husband is enabling you! Alcoholism is also known as a family disease and it might be a good idea if your husband learned about it and how he can help you and help himself in the process! There is all kinds of information about it online.

The best professional to seek help from is someone who is also in recovery and believe me, many are. All 6 counselors I met from the IOP, I was in, were recovered alcoholics. After the 3 week outpatient program, I went into relapse prevention group counseling and both counselors were also recovered alcoholics.

The idea behind the 12 steps of AA is to deal with the negative emotions that we are holding on to. These are the things that trigger our drinking. These are the things that make us want to numb ourselves from past traumatic events that caused us a great deal of pain and we don't want to feel that pain so we drink to feel good and to cover up that pain, but you don't have to tell a whole group of people at a meeting, just tell your sponsor, someone you can trust, someone who will give you the support, you need, someone who has many years of sobriety and has suffered through pain and anxiety, like you have, someone who can walk you through each of the steps, and hold your hand in the process, so to speak.

The biggest thing that triggered my addiction was the ptsd I had from the death of my dad. It was a freak accident that happened at my house for which I felt partially responsible but it was the 12 steps that taught me how to let go of all that guilt I was holding onto. You can give alot of money to a psychologist to do emdr therapy on you which will accomplish the exact same thing. imho.

So I hope that answers your question. If not, we will keep trying.

God Bless!

Thanks again! I did attend an AA meeting for a family member who was celebrating his one year anniversary. I don't know if it was a normal meeting or not because he was able to invite friends and family to hear his story. He presented and others shared their stories as well. There really wasn't any open discussion of the steps but this was probably because of the celebration (?). It was nice, people were supportive of one another but I didn't hear any problem solving, again that could have been because of the reason for the meeting. The fact that he was able to invite non-alcoholics to the meeting concerned my a little. There's not a lot of confidentiality if others can come (maybe this was made known ahead of time). Either way it was a nice celebration and I can see it's value. I had some trouble relating because the folks that talked had really tragic stories to share. I'm trying to see this as a warning sign of shades to come if I don't address my drinking. The funniest part is that my cousin in-law has no idea of my issues (my family lives several hours away). Would it be wise to engage his help (as a sponsor) or would this be too soon in his sobriety for him to help me??

Hello Kateremade,

The meeting that you attended for your family member’s celebration would have been what is called an Open Meeting, where non-alcoholic people can attend. Such a meeting is held for a specific purpose and by its nature, it would not be very confidential. By far the more common type of meeting is a Closed Meeting and these meetings are exclusively for people who identify themselves as alcoholics. Anonymity is taken very seriously at Closed Meetings and it would be rare for anything to be carried outside that would identify a member.

There will not always be an open discussion of the steps unless it is a Step Meeting or a Big Book Meeting but there will usually be something that you can identify with at a meeting. It is better to look at the similarities rather than the differences when you listen to other people’s stories. Bear in mind too that alcoholism is a progressive condition and the person who seems to be functioning reasonably well today could lose everything within a short space of time – always be aware of the ‘Yets’.

The main purpose of a sponsor is to guide a member through the Steps. Therefore, it is vital to get someone who has actually gone through the Steps themselves and who is trying to practice the suggested principles. The best way to identify such a person is to listen to what they share at meetings. It is suggested that men should sponsor men and women should sponsor women but it can also work the other way, providing the dangers are recognised. Your cousin in-law can certainly guide you along and help you but he may not be the best person to sponsor you.

What I would do if I was in your place is to go to many meetings over the coming months and listen carefully to what people share. It is always wise to stick with the winners at meetings, that is the people who have the sort of sobriety that you would like to have.

Hi Kateremade,

I noticed based on your post and your comments that you value highly your privacy. I'm not sure if going to AA meetings would be comfortable for you enough to open up and share your stories when in that open meeting, you already felt some sort of unpleasant publicity. There are new approaches in dealing with addiction that have been developed besides AA. Have you checked them out? You might find a new program that suits your needs very well. From what I know, BLVD Treatment Center offers a wide array of programs that are always customized based on your preferences and needs. You can check them out and give treatment centers another chance. I'm hoping for all the best in you!