I thought it might be a good idea to write something honest and sincere for others since lately I've been bullshitting a lot when writing online.  

My portion of life that includes me being an alcoholic, always has a great excuse to write in a very real and direct way, so here goes.  

I'm several years sober, and my only answer to how it happened is the grace of God.  Not only did I not believe in the same God when drinking, or even want to have anything to do with it, I didn't ever think I would live a life where alcohol wasn't always an option.

Today, God, and alcohol not being an option to dealing with difficulties in life, are very real and an undeniable portion of my life. 

It all really started with help from others who sometimes didn't even know me or have any past experience with me as a person living with untreated alcoholism.  Their kindness and lives dedicated to helping others both directly and indirectly helped me come to a point where I saw I needed to stop, not treating my alcoholism, with a purpose. 

That purpose, and that stoppage, has lead to a life that I have to admit, is too normal, very boring, and not exactly a trip to Cancun all the time, but has given me power I never thought I deserved.  I actually have the power to do things now, and accept life as it happens, with all it's positives and negatives. 

I have recieved so much help from people I thought not at all that special when I was drinking.  I now have come to understand that most of the people I thought were nothing special were in fact, some of the most special people in the world relating to my story.  I used to really think famous people or people who got a bunch of adoration were who I was supposed to model my behavior off of and be like, but one of the most important gifts of sobriety for me personally has been that of I never know who God is inspiring to help me, and if I believe deep enough, and with enough conviction, it can be anyone or anything, and that has been very helpful. 

Reguarly, I pray, go to meetings, read the alcoholics anonymous literature, talk to other alcoholics, decide to be unselfish rather than selfish, and try to be as honest as possible, as a baseline for treating my alcoholism.  

One of the most helpful tools in the 12 steps for me was learning about how important it is to recognize how harmful resenting others or things can be.  I learned from abstaining that I can use my new power to eliminate that type of opeation from my life, managing my own personal decisions and means to get things done, increasing in a more productive manner.  Having an attitude that no one is perfect with an understanding that everyone generally gets to do what they want to do, even if that is irriating and selfish, doesn't have to result in me feeling less than or like I should be doing something different.  Being able to be who I really am, without having to drink over it, because someone or something doesn't like what it is or who I am, has really made me honestly powerful in the right ways.  To know that God loves me, and understands, even if one of his children or massive amounts of his children won't, don't, or refuse to, has really helped accelerate my understanding of just how powerful this idea of God and it's reality can be.  Also me taking a look at my own defects and how irriating I can be for others, if they do this or if they do that, has had it's own appeal to de-regulate my own egoic principles I used to not at all want to reconsider.  My ability to detach, when my spirit undeterred by alcoholism neglected, has helped with the stress of people being who they can't help but be, and it getting in the way of who I need to be.  I guess what I'm saying is with a void of the past inconsidered of God, present, now I can just rely on God, all the time, despite people's will of what they demand I do.  I really could care less about people's demands now because it is God's business to tender that out to his own, not mine, so it's been nice to experience a life where I can care less, and God not care that I do.  This "he is the author and I am the reader" ideology has helped me so much, I used to think I wasn't good enough to be written for, and I know now that God writes life for all, whether they understand he does or not.    

The fear inventory and addressing fear has also been huge, in me having a life that I consider satisfactory on so many levels.  Finding out that it is my self, or who I want to be, neglect of who I am supposed to be, often, when fear is being produced, was a major release from being bound to ways that didn't work for me.  After I was shown grace from God, and now can say that forgiveness must have been part of that, it both has allowed me to see I often do not go into days knowing I have a role to play, and that role is to help others, and be a part of solutions rather than problems.  This knowing my role, has helped me divide what is important and what is just some unwanted attention my ego has strayed the course toward it's own destination not really knowing the whole deal.  This idea that fear, is kind of like a cruddy matter that will make people less than anything else they should be doing, primarily if enjoying life is part and parcel to life, was huge, why fear when God is bigger and more knowledgeable than anything else that didn't help my alcoholism?

The shame and guilt portion of my fearless and searching inventory of myself showed me some of the shame and guilt I feel is just the result of wanting to please other people, who did or do have some sort of human power among other humans, but have no right to judge or see my struggles as a reason to write me off or view me as less than.  I've really had to distance myself from that set of belief and gravitate towards more of a loving and understanding higher power or higher intelligence.  

I still see it today though, I've been following politics and staying in tuned with the media and news as well, and it is littered with the shame and blame theory.  Lack of enlightenment, I believe it to be and I've had to pray for others enough where I can now just move on and not really concern myself with any of that.  

I like personalities and I like information, so if I can maintain an attitude of in life these are just personalities and personalities providing information, I let God handle the rest, it's not my business, or doesn't have to be my business to determine what anothers intentions are if I am busy trying to arrange mine to be suitable for others.  Basically I don't have time anymore to see the speck of dust in other's eyes before my own, typically, and if I am acting like I do, it's usually because I am bored, which I admit, is in itself a waste of time.  

Accepting that there is a God, and that God wants my life to be free from having to drink alcohol to manage, has allowed me to manage money better, make use of time better, read better, write with more construction, be considerate of others who never had a chance of my considerations in the past, see different perspectives as nothing to grow angry towards if I decide I don't have to, and generally appreciate struggle, and how struggle and stress if looked at in the most humble way, is all necessary to becoming a better me, for others.  

This idea that I ultimately am always growing towards life being lived for others I cannot escape, since I gave my life to the care and direction of God, and it's really been a huge blessing.

The amends process has really been cool, because in my experience God has been kind of like an arbitrary force in disguise, where I after the amends is done, get to see who was really in the right or wrong.  I've had a number of financial amends to make, and some of them, it was a little bit too much about the money on the other end, lol, and I kind of knew that before I created the harm, but the purpose of the amend is to heal harm, petty or not, but if you haven't gone through the amends process or are fearing doing so, for me it was one of those things that I thought would be horrible, that ended up being wonderful.  The greater knowledge it has brought, free from the petty disputes or really unimportant focal point in life, if you scope it in a wholesome perspective, has been a huge reward, and the anonymous component where it's real meaning is also kind of a special understanding of why from God to you, I really can't develope more coherently.    

To wrap this up, if you're new, or if you are just starting out, my number one suggestion is to perservere, and to stay committed, if you make staying sober your first and foremost ideal in life, things will all straighten out in due time.  My life is not perfect, and I still have a hard time with certain avenues of control and understanding, but now that I know I do not run this show, and God is doing all the work, life is much more peaceful and productive.