Ouch. (but true).

This makes sense to me cause I know lots of "normal" drinkers and they have never once expressed a need to "control" their drinking.

Yeah...OUCH! :)

did not want to stop until i found i couldn't.

so very true, my friend, you have to lose to win. One day at a time...

Seems like a good warning label on a bottle.

Was speaking to a family member the other day. I was saying I was in recovery, or trying to stay in recovery, and she said she was a 'functioning' alcoholic who 'self medicates' and the only way forward would be private treatment (which she can't afford so just denial and procrastination). I said that when I last saw her she didn't seem too functioning - passed out comatose from secretly drinking spirits in her bag. She said she was depressed then and now didn't drink every day -no way. But every time I speak to her she seems a bit drunk - it is so sad as we used to be so close but now even when she is sober she is kind of not making sense and slurring her words.

Anyway, I bring this up as she is wanting to come visit me and her new niece. She says she can control her drinking but I'm not so sure as she's always been a fallover drunk. And I'm not sure I can handle her pain at the moment as well as my own - does that sound too selfish? Perhaps if she was at least willing to discuss recovery I might be more open to her visiting, but she is so in denial and says as I'm her younger sibling she can't really discuss things with me (I'm 40 for god's sake!) She says she has been depressed for 20 years but I think it is because she is an alcoholic that she has no-one, no kids, just a job she hates.

My family are causing me a lot of pain at the moment. There is a lot of uncontrolled behavior and substance abuse going on!

Sorry for nicking your thread!

Sobriety comes number one on the priority list. That's my take.

I never tried to control my drinking. What I tried to control were other people's perceptions of my drinking, and those became my basic coping skills But when I couldn't control those perceptions any more, my little show came down like a tent in a hurricane.

Putting down the drink was actually the easier part. Learning that I didn't have to be constantly in control what people thought of me in order to survive took a while longer.

It's embarrassing to admit you can't control it. I often wonder to myself how long I will let a little embarrassment prevent me from following through with a real plan for recovery.

Very true words gim.

Dotty, no it is not unreasonable for you to want ot protect yourself from this family member (who reminds me of me when I was drinking and in denial about it). You have an absolute right (as people had an absolute right in relation to me) to limit or have boundaries around your relationship with her. You can say directly to her, "Your drinking behaviour upsets me and it's not the right time for a visit". It's not easy to say that, but you are well within your rights. And if you don't she'll walk all over you.

Sky, We all have been there with are thinking & self pride the embarrassment of not letting anyone in and ask for the help we all needed. From my exp. I had to let go and seek that plan you was talking about. You will find your not alone..

keep it simple. if you can get through the minute, you can get through the hour. if you get through the hour, you can get through the days. we only get a daily reprieve anyway. stay in today and tomorrow will work out fine.

SO true.. Denial rots the soul but I think it's a process we all have to go through. Helps bring us to our knees.

Thanks Wendy.

OUt of interest, what would everybody say IS denial? There seem to be so many different levels! Like for me it is - I think - always qualifying my alcoholism by saying I'm not a fallover drunk, I don't always drink to get drunk, I can hold back when I want to etc etc. This means I'm not - for e.g. - as bad a drunk as my sister! But in actual fact I have a family and she doesn't so for me the stakes are higher as my drinking affects other people. So in a way it's much worse. Just my little denial trip to other people (but I'm trying to get rid of the illusion as you see).

My siss will say to her family she is an alcoholic but this in a way seems to permit her behaviour and carry on drinking! She will not admit her drinking to her GP even though she has labyrinthitis which is connected with alcohol abuse. She also uses emotional blackmail when we say we don't want her drinking round the kids - she acts so hurt we feel bad.

Thanx for reply #8 Nemo, that really hit the spot.